Incorrect Fate Quotes
by OneWhoCharms
Summary: Basically what it says on the tin.
1. A little cheer

**This will be a little comedy series of short scenes inspired by the incorrect quotes blogs I love from tumblr.**

 **I of course do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Have fun, and please find it in your heart to review, follow and favourite.**

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Adam's foot slammed down towards the earth, Ruler would have been crushed had she not barred it with her flag at the last second, but even with her magically enhanced strength she was struggling under the weight, her arms and legs shuddering violently with effort.

Nearby Sieg and Mordred watched the fight, one looking considerably more worried than the other.

"Oh-oh my god is she going to be okay can we help her?" Sieg suttered,

"What do you think we should do, give her a little cheer? How un-knightly." Mordred deadpanned.

"Oh! I can do better than that, I can do _way_ better than that." Sieg suddenly perked up, "You're not rider but-" He sucked in a deep breath getting ready to shout, "Y'ALL CAN'T HANDLE THE MOTHER FUCKIN'..." he trailed off before quickly whispering to Mordred, "what's her true name?"

"Jeanne D'Arc" Mordred replied casually.

"JEANNE D'ARC!"

From where she was still bracing under Adam's foot Ruler's body lessened in its shaking, strengthened by a new burst of energy.

"I feel somehow invigorated by your cheer it's strangely encouraging." She grunted out from between her grit teeth as she slowly but steadily pushed Adam's foot upwards and away from her.

"Jeanne's so savage, orphaned wolves want to be raised by packs of her!" Sieg continued to yell from the sidelines, while Mordred watched what was happening in front of her with the greatest sense of confusion she had ever felt.

"Your praise fills me with joy!" Ruler exclaimed as she gave Adam's foot one last push, heaving him away from her. As the giant stummbled from his lack of balance Ruler readied her noble phantasm and yelled out it's true name.


	2. Crush

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

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Ever since that first day Sakura had started coming to the Emiya house she had slowly been regaining the light in her eyes. Shirou was kind to her, something she hadn't felt since...

He was always caring, protective and going out of his way to help people. Taiga was just as wonderful, her presence was like having a mini sun to warm you during the winter with her audacious laughter and boundless sense of daring.

It had been a long time since Sakura had felt this happy. And yet as time went on despite how comfortable she was with Shirou she couldn't figure out the reason for the tight feeling in her chest whenever he was around the red haired boy.

"I'm going to get some groceries for dinner tonight." Shirou called before heading out the door one evening.

Sakura rushed into the hall to wave him goodbye, "See you when you get back senpai." She said as camellias painted themselves onto her cheeks, thankfully Shirou didn't notice.

After he'd closed the door Sakura remained where she was standing and squeezed her hands over her heart, letting out a happy exhale. A happy exhale which quickly turned into a squeak of surprise when Taiga pounced on her from behind, wrapping her arms around the dark haired girl.

"Fufufu, somebodies got a crush~" The teacher chuckled in Sakura's ear.

The blush on Sakura's checks spread across her whole face and neck until she could rival a tomato. She wrestled herself out of Taiga's hold and pressed herself against the wall, "I do not!" she yelped indignantly, quickly realising how uncouth her out burst was Sakura quickly clasped her hands in front of her and turned her eyes to the floor. "I just think he's nice is all... I mean it's not like I lie awake at night thinking about him." She explained through nervous giggles.

XXXXXXXXXX

Sakura went to bed at ten o'clock that night. It was now one in the morning and she hadn't so much as closed her eyes for longer than a blink.

"Oh no." She whispered to herself.


	3. The Avenger and his Master

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

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Edmond Dantes, the Count of Monte Cristo, the King of the Cavern, servant of the Avenger class. Humanities collective knowledge and memories of his story had recorded him into the throne of heroes, despite the title suggesting he had no business being there. As an Avenger he was the living embodiment of wrathful vengeance, free to tear enemies apart without discrimination. It had been his understanding that a 'heroic' spirit could not see the material world again until they were summoned as a servant in the Holy Grail War, so imagine his surprise when he found himself summoned into Chaldea once again facing the same master he had not to long ago lead through the halls of that hell of a prison.

Her coppery red hair the same colour as fox's fur was pulled out of her face into a side ponytail, revealing the bright smile on her face that was causing crinkles in the corners of her light brown eyes.

He had scoffed and asked what was wrong with her mind that she'd be happy to see him again. She jumped at him laughing and wrapped her arms around him in a hug, of course the difference in their heights meant that her arms were around his stomach and her face was buried in his rib cage.

Apparently in this version of reality every magus was capable of bonding with a heroic spirit as a familiar. His masters partner Gudao was bonded with a purple haired shielder, he'd caught sight of a blonde who he found uncannily familiar to Jeanne D'Arc, sitting in the cafeteria with the Germanic hero Siegfried, and Dantes could have sworn that was Amakusa Shirou with his head in Semiramis' lap.

Needless to say he had not been very popular when he'd first arrived, stories of the Prison tower and the judgement halls had spread between Gudako returning to them and now. What he appreciated were the servants who approached him directly and asked him what his intentions were, and how he planned on serving Gudako as a servant, and of course could they trust him with her?

Which was how Dantes found himself standing in front of a good portion of Chaldea, back straight, face unreadable and voice blunt, he would explain himself now and then endeavor to never be in the same room with so many people again.

"I never understood why heroic spirits got so attached to their dumb masters until I got a dumb master myself." He picked Gudako up by her waist and held her up in presentation to those watching him, in credit to his master she didn't make any noises of surprise, only widening her eyes slightly. "I've only been contracted with Gudako for a day and a half, but if anything happened her I would kill everyone in this room and then myself."

He promptly set his master back on the ground and dematerialized before any could ask him anymore questions.


	4. Baka

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw for following and favouriting, and Guest for reviewing.**

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Waver Velvet's life had become increasingly 'interesting' since entering the Holy Grail War. And no it wasn't the flying half way across the world and entering into a death match with legendary heroes (if you could call some of them that, he was becoming more and more certain that Berserker was the literal devil) that was making his life 'interesting'. No that fact was thanks to the time he spent in between death matches trying to keep Rider from making scenes in public.

It would be nice if Waver could've just convinced him to stay in the house during the day but despite what the title of 'Master' would imply, the King of Conquerors refused to be told what to do.

So here Waver was, filling a plastic basket with groceries while Rider waited nearby, hopefully in spirit form. From the other side of the isle he heard snippets of a conversation.

"You're messing with me."

"I am not, I told they guy I'd buy him all the beer he wanted if he could lift one of those smart cars."

Waver arched his eyebrows at that, _What an Idiot,_ he thought.

"And I'm supposed to believe he actually did it?"

"Lifted it right over his head! Oh don't give me that look, you'd believe me if you'd seen the guy, he was **huge.** "

 _Wait..._ waver thought to himself before dropping his basket and running to the store front, he pressed his face to the window to see Rider sitting on the ground drinking beer, lounging against the car he'd apparently lifted over his head and then set back on the ground upside down.

 _That's my idiot_ Waver mentally sighed.


	5. Hangover (requested)

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju for following and to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife and skfju for** **favouriting, and extra thanks to Wolf Strife for reviewing.**

 **This chapter was actually based off a request sent in by Wolf Strife so if you have anything or any particular characters you'd like to see, don't be afraid to leave a request in a review or PM me.**

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Shirou's head was killing him, but like a head ache, his head was killing him in a such a specific degree of pain that the only conceivable reason behind it that he could think of was that someone had snuck into his room in the middle of the night, opened up his head, filled it with razor blades and gave it a good shake. And also shoved his face into a sandbox while they were at it because the inside of his mouth tasted terrible.

Shirou pulled an arm over his eyes and groaned as his mind and body slowly crawled towards waking up. He tried to think back to what he'd been doing before he fell asleep, yesterday had been his graduation so he and his friends had thrown a party to celebrate... apparently Shirou had gotten a little more into it than he expected to.

He heard the sound of a door opening and closing, he lifted his arm and turned his head to the side to see Angelica entering his bedroom, she was holding a tray with a steaming cup of what smelt like coffee, a glass of water and a bottle of what he prayed was asprin. Angelica set the tray on his bedside table and knelt down by his bedside.

"Are you hungover?" She asked him bluntly. "Given how drunk you were last night I expect you'd be hungover."

Shirou shifted himself so he was sitting up in bed, "Come on Angelica I wasn't that drunk last night."

"You flirted with me." She told him while handing him a couple of tablets and the water glass.

"So? You're my girlfriend." He responded, knocking back the pills and tipping the water into his mouth.

"You asked me if I was single." Angelica deadpanned, causing Shirou to choke on his water. She then picked up the mug and claimed the coffee for herself, "And then you cried when I said I wasn't."


	6. And you are?

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, and sbkleman for following and to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife and skfju for** **favouriting, and extra thanks to Wolf Strife for reviewing.**

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Astolfo chewed on his bottom lip as he watched the shallow rise and fall of the pale boys chest. After finding him in the hall and agreeing to help him the Rider of the black faction had been shocked at how light the boy was when he'd wrapped him up in his cloak and hoisted him over his shoulder. There was definitely a fragile look to the boy, with his pale skin and muted brown hair (his hair was wonderfully fluffy looking though Astolfo had to admit), and when Astolfo had found him in the hallway even though the boys red eyes had only been half open there was a sheen over them.

Chiron hadn't returned to the room yet, so the room was silent except for the sound of breathing.

After what felt like forever the boy's breathing hiccuped and his eyes slowly began to crack open, Rider immediately pounced from his chair to the bedside and leaned in close to the boys face.

"Hey! Are you awake? You feeling any better?" The servant asked in rapid fire.

The boy made a croaking noise from the back of his throat that might have been a 'who?'

"Oh of course! How silly of me, I'm Astolfo one of the 12 heroes of Charlemagne!" Rider preened.

The homunculis was quiet for a few beats, Rider thought perhaps he was still waking up, but the homunculis who would later be called Sieg was in fact staring at Rider's feminine beauty while remembering the last thing he saw before he passed out, Astolfo unclasping their cloak from around their neck, revealing the curve of an Adam's apple in their throat.

"And you are?" Astolfo asked, trying to prompt a response from the homunculis.

"Not as straight as I thought." The brunette mumbled before falling back into unconsciousness.


	7. What I like about Saber

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, and sbkleman for following and to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife and skfju for** **favouriting, and extra thanks to Wolf Strife for reviewing.**

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"Far be it from me to question your motives-" Kirei began,

"Very far." Gilgamesh interrupted, The king of heroes was lounging in the church pew, his black biker outfit almost blending in with the lack of light in the church.

"But do you truly think that continuing to pursue Saber is a wise idea? Her behavior towards you seems... less than inviting."

Gilgamesh let out an arrogant chuckle, lifting one hand to sweep the hair out of his eyes so he could look at Kirei. "I spent my life surrounded blushing virgins and obedient servants, to see such fire and defiance in the eyes of someone unafraid to oppose me," his lips curled into a Cheshire grin, "I find it truly endearing."

"I don't suppose you're familiar with the term masochist?" The priest asked.

"That's rich coming from a sadist." The golden king responded.

"But truly," Gilgamesh continued, "Saber possesses a kind of grace, a fierce beauty."

"So does a mountain lion but I wouldn't suggest trying to pet one." Kirei deadpanned.


	8. Moonlight

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb and sbkleman for following and to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, Jubzy650 and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And extra thanks to Wolf Strife and for reviewing.**

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The night was illuminated by stars. Saber of Black stood on the cliff edge between the castle and forest. It had been a few weeks since the incident but he could still remember the scene vividly. His master forcing him restrain Rider while Gorde went after the homunculis, the tears in Rider's eyes, the tearing feeling inside his chest as he fought against a servants natural instincts to obey their master and his own desire to save an innocent. But then Ruler had appeared and saved the boy. The first time he'd seen her was during his battle with Karna, he hadn't really had a chance to form an impression of her beyond absorbing her appearance, when he'd seen her again in the forest he was struck by her beauty, by the heroic figure she struck as she deflected Gordes attack and stood defensively in front of the boy that would later call himself Sieg.

Since then they'd run into each other repeatedly throughout the course of the war, and now she and the Saber of Red were working with the remains of the Black faction to destroy the hanging gardens. In another nights time the new moon would be in the sky and Astolfo would be able to remember the name of his noble phantasm, until then they would wait for the time to launch their attack.

"Enjoying the scenery?" came a voice from the castle gates.

Siegfried looked over his shoulder to see Jeanne walking towards him, her long blonde plait swaying rhythmically with her steps. She had her usual kind smile directed at him as her violet eyes found pale ones.

"Ruler." He greeted warmly.

A dusting of colour appeared on her cheeks, "Mr. Siegfried you really don't have to address me by my class name, feel free to call me Jeanne."

Siegfried felt a little embarrassed by his own formality, servants may have knowledge of the modern world but that didn't stop old habits from dying hard. "I will agree to your request," he told her as she came to stand beside him, "if you will also agree to be less formal. Siegfried is fine."

Jeanne's face burned with such a warm red that she almost glowed in the dark. The wandering knight felt a pang of instant regret for causing her discomfort, but in an attempt to grant his own wish he had been practicing being 'reasonably selfish' as Mordred called it.

A small humming noise came from the back of Jeanne's throat before she parted her lips, "Very well... Siegfried."

Siegfried couldn't help the smile that came to his face. Jeanne tipped her head backwards to look at the sky, her eyes widening to take in the expanse of stars above them.

"It's so beautiful out here" she sighed contentedly.

"Yes, and peaceful," Siegfried agreed, "just you, me, and the moon."

As soon as he realised what he just said he felt warmth begin to creep up his neck, he mentally debated looking down at Jeanne to gauge her reaction but after a minute a silence a voice echoed from above.

"Hey! You two should kiss!" called out a voice that one might have been tempted to believe came from the moon. Had it not sounded suspiciously like Astolfo.

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 **What? Me? Use this chapter just to fuel/promote my crack ship?**

 **Just what are you accusing me of?**


	9. Get on with it!

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, james2031, and sbkleman for following and to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, Jubzy650 and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And extra thanks to Wolf Strife, Ms. AtomicBomb and Jubzy650 for their feedback on the last chapter. You guys rock.**

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The knights of the round table sat in council, each presenting their reports to the king of knights who sat with her hands clasped in front of her, listening passively. When it was time for Mordred to recount how the helmed knight had quashed a cohart of knights in the North who had been trying to stage an uprising.

"After I slew their leader in a duel the remaining insurgents were quick to surrender." Mordred concluded.

Arturia nodded, "Stay behind after the meeting and you can describe events to me in greater detail. You did well."

Mordred nodded in recognition of the small praise, "Thanks dad."

All the people in the room frooze, staring at Mordred with a variety of expressions, when Mordred noticed this she asked "Why is everyone staring at me?"

"You just called the king dad; you said thanks dad." Gwain answered, his voice shaking with attempts to keep himself from laughing.

"What?" Mordred spluttered, "No I didn't! I said thanks 'man'."

Still seated in her chair at the round table Arturia turned her head to look at the crimson knight, expression unreadable as always, "Do you see me as a father figure Mordred?"

Mordred had never been so thankful for her helmet, there had been a blush on her cheeks when Gwain pointed out her slip of the tongue but hearing her father ask that question, probably especially because the king didn't know the real affect of those words, was pushing the knight close to the edge.

"No!" She shouted in a brief loss of temper, but she quickly bit her tongue and tried to regain her composure in front of the round table, "If anything I see you as as a brother figure, because you're always _bothering_ me."

"Hey!" came the voice of Bedivere, surprising everyone with his sudden outburst, something so out of character for the silver armed knight, his eyes were serious when he pinned them on Mordred, "Don't talk to your father that way."

How Mordred managed to get out of that meeting without fainting she was never able to figure out.


	10. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, james2031, and sbkleman for following and to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, Jubzy650 and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And extra thanks to Ms. AtomicBomb and Lehw for reviewing.** **⊂((・▽・))⊃**

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"Oh wise empress of Assyria!" Came Shakespeare's voice boomed around the throne room.

Semiramis exhaled through her teeth and rolled her eyes before schooling her expression and turning around to face the Caster of Red. He was standing in his usual pose, one arm thrown out dramatically while the fingertips of his other hand brushed his quill brooch. When he fell to one knee in front of her Semiramis' expression brightened immensely, she clasped her hands together just beneath her wide sunny smile as her shinning eyes took in the sight in front of her.

"Oh my gosh it's finally happening." She squeed in delight.

Shakespeare began to waver dangerously on his knees, the hand that had been touching his brooch was now clutching the fabric of his shirt over his heart, there was an unnatural colour tinging his skin as the veins beneath his flesh made themselves visable, and a terrible hacking choking sound was clawing it's way out of his throat as bloody spittle began to gather along his lips.

"The poison's kicking in!" She cheered.


	11. Study session

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, james2031, and sbkleman for following and to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And extra thanks to Ms. AtomicBomb and Wolf Strife for reviewing last chapter.**

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Sitting in the Chaldea library was the odd combination of Cu Chulainn, Fionn Mac Cumhail, Diarmuid Ua Duibhne and Richard the Lionheart sat around one of the tables, half asleep, surrounded by books on British and Northern Irish history. After learning from some of the more victorian era servants had informed them of the... _complicated_ history surrounding the connection between their two countries of origins it had been suggested that they do some reading on the subject. Hence the scene before you.

Sunlight landed on the occupied table, causing Diarmuid to wince and flick his eyes towards the origin of the sudden light, "Good god it's morning!" He gasped,

"Seriously?" Fionn asked after Diarmuids exclamation had started him awake from where he'd fallen asleep on the table.

"Oi Blondie, Love-spot, you two maybe want ta' calm down." Cu Chulainn slurred, cracking open another can of beer. He'd been more than a little bit drunk when he'd agreed to this study session, and was now practicing the ancient Irish art of staving of hangovers, which was to constantly remain just a little bit drunk until you could find a dark room to collapse in.

"But knight of the Red Branch," Diarmuid argued (ignoring Cu's eye roll) "we have been reading these books all night and have only just finished the chapters on this 'William of Orange', we haven't so much looked at the famine."

"Eh, I'd say we've got the gist," Fionn wayed in while combing his fingers through his long blonde hair, "they ran out of spuds, everyone was raging." He stated noncommittally.

Richard the Lionheart, who was still studiously looking over the contents of the book in front of him, at this moment gave out a sigh, "Well I still can't tell my rebellions from my risings." He said, offering his struggles to the group.

Cu Chulainn snorted derisively, "Yeah and who's fault is that?" He asked with the kind of annoyance that can only be felt by a mean drunk, "If yer' lot had stopped invadin' us fer five fuckin' minutes we'd have a lot less to read through..." he trailed off, some of the edge was taken out of his words by the apparent trouble he was having keeping his head up, "Yeh English Prick." He managed to mutter before collapsing face first onto the table.


	12. What a waste of a lovely night

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, james2031, and sbkleman for following and to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby and skfju for** **favouriting.**

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The evening was quiet except for the sound of two sets of footsteps, Rin and Archer were walking beside each other without words or eye contact. Archer turned his head towards the view over the railing lining the path the two were on, they were on a slight hill so you could not only see the city skyline but also the water in the harbour.

"The sun is nearly gone, no lights are turning on." Archer observed out loud, "There's a silver shine that stretches to the sea."

Rin stopped her paced steps and moved towards the railing, still not talking to him but taking in the sights none the less, after a heartbeat though she finally raises her voice, "It seems we've stumbled onto a view-"

"Tailor made for two." Archer cut in, taking a small amount of pleasure in the camellias that now bloomed on her cheeks. "What a shame," he continued with a smirk, "that those two are you and me."

Rin let out a spluttering noise as she jumped back from the railings to confront Archer, but he was already walking ahead of her again.

"Some other girl or guy, might've loved this swirling sky, but there's only you and I." Archer continued to explain, "And we've got no shot."

Archer snuck a quick glance over his shoulder to see which of her wealth of expressions Rin was wearing now, and he had to bite his tongue to keep from chuckling, begone flower metaphors because Rin Toshaka now bore a striking resemblance to a tomato, every inch of her skin from her hairline to her neck now coloured red with what he was sure was frustration and embarrassment.

"This could never be," he continued, getting a little greedy and wanting to see how far he could get, "you're not the type for me."

He heard a scoffing sound from the behind him "Really?"

"And there's not a spark in sight."Archer assured her, "What a waste of a lovely night." He sighed, intending to sneak another look at Rin before continuing on ahead but he felt himself suddenly yanked back by the grasp of Rin's hand on the back of his coat (he forgot how strong she was sometimes), and forced to spin around to look at her.

The Toshaka heir had managed to regain some of her composure, forcing the blush off her face and schooling her expression, she was now smirking up at him like the little evil genius she was with her one hand on her hip and the other held out like she was about to lecture him.

"You say there's nothing here? Well let's make something clear." She told him in the same tone she might give him battle orders, "I think I'll be the one to make that call." She pressed her hand against her chest and looked up at him with a satisfied grin. Only for Archer to bend down close to her face,

"But you'll call?" He smirked.

Rin quickly ducked her head and moved around the side of him but almost as a last minute idea, she reached her hand out and trailed her fingers along his sleeves, "And though you look so _cute_ in your polyester suit." She went on in a measured tone.

"It's wool." He blurted out, instantly ashamed of himself for the week comeback but he couldn't help but feel off balance from the feeling of her digits on his bicep.

Rin came around to the back of him and Archer turned just in time to see her spin around to look right at him in a way that made the tails of her own red coat flounce out around her with a flourish. "You're right," she told him, her voice getting a little more airy, "I could never fall for you at all. And maybe all this appeals to someone not in heels, or to any girl who feels there's some chance for romance." With those last words Rin folded her hands together and leaned her cheek against them, all intended as part of the game he assumed but the look in her eyes suggested the dark haired girl might be getting a little carried away with her act. "But-" Rin immediately belted, as if she'd read Archer's mind, "I'm frankly feeling nothing." She told him, sliding her aquamarine eyes back towards the view.

Archer took a few steps closer to the girl in front of him, "Is that so?" He asked her. A challenge.

Rin recognised it as such of course and lifted her eyes back up to his, a smile starting to make it's way onto her lips. "Or it could be less than nothing." She raised him.

Archer chuckled mentally, that was his Rin.

"Good to know. So you agree?" He asked her. They were very close now.

"That's right." Rin replied with a nod. She didn't move away.

The street lights where they were didn't appear to be working, not that either of them noticed, leaving the two of them wrapped up in the veil of the young night.

"What a waste of a lovely night." They both breathed out.


	13. Grail Wars and Peace

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, james2031, and sbkleman for following and to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Ms. AtomicBomb, Wolf Strike, QuiteAmusing and Merlin Pranks101 for their reviews. You giuys are the life blood of this fic.**

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It was truth universally acknowledged by those in the Magus line of life that there existed many versions of reality. Different worlds and time streams either very similar or vastly different from the one we currently reside in all spawning and spiraling out from the root. In the mountain located institute of Chaldea these other realities are refereed to as 'fragments', and the masters of Chaldea often visit these fragments, specifically ones involving Holy Grail Wars.

In one such Fragment a first class Mage who while in our world would ascend to the rank of Heroic Spirit, here she took the title of Master, and was now competing in her own Holy Grail War.

With her wish of coming into contact with the Mahatimas in her heart and mind, Madame Helena Blavatsky had summoned a Heroic Spirit from the legends of India, the homeland of her soul. The night she summoned him into the physical plane and officially entered the war as the Master of Lancer, Helena held every confidence in her heart that victory was in her grasp. How could it not be when she went into battle with Karna, the hero of charity at her side.

They were inside the library of her mansion once again, it was getting close to sun rise but Helena was still sorting through books looking for the right set of protection wards she wanted to set up along the house. Karna materialized to her right, his posture was still slightly tense from the battle he hadn't finished earlier, or would it be last night?

The two of them had been patrolling the city streets once the sun had set when they eventually ran into the Caster servant, who was a strange creature if Helena had ever seen one, some kind of white lion in a blue power suit.

Karna and the Caster had exchanged some pre battle barbs and a few opening blows but Helena had ordered Karna to withdraw when she'd noticed how nearby they were to a local theatre. The Master of Caster had remained in the shadows but she still managed to call out to him and make it clear that the injury of civilians was something she would not allow, the man at first seemed like he was going to be unreasonable but once Helena revealed that she had deduced the identity of his servant he was more willing to listen to her.

"You handled that situation well master."Karna told her in his usual measured tone.

Helena perked up at his comment, "You really think so? I do hope you're not to upset about not getting to fight Caster."

The Lancer merely closed his eyes and bowed his head, "There will be other battles to come, and many other chances to face off against Caster I'll wager. What I value more is knowing that I have been paired with a master who does not forget the value of human life in the face of her own ambition."

Helena placed one of the books in her arms back on the shelf with a satisfied hum. "I'm glad to hear you say that. Although going forward I think we should make it clear that I don't want you to call me 'Master'. I do not enjoy the idea of others referring to me as such, since to me the only true master are Mahatimas!"

At that the Lancers eyes widened, this wasn't the first mention his Master had made of the unseen beings she was seemingly in search of, and while he had devoted himself to aiding her in this pursuit of the unknown he had to admit he really didn't understand her sometimes.

"That being said I also intensely dislike being called 'misses'," the purple haired mage continued, "so... from now on please call me Madame Blavatsky. Yes! I think that is much better!" She cheered before going back to one of the books she now held open with one hand while balancing a stack of others in her misleadingly skinny arm.

Karna folded his arms across his chest, he wondered if he had been able to remember any of the previous Grail Wars he'd been summoned into, would he remember being summoned by Masters similar to the strange one in front of him now?

"As I was saying Madame Blavatsky," he tried the new title on his tongue, "I was impressed that you managed to confront the other Master with such courtesy, especially given his attittude towards you."

Madame Blavatsky looked over to her servant with a nostlagic smile on her face, and she bagan to tell him;

"My dear friend Colonel Olcott believed that you should always be nice first, because once you've been mean to someone they won't believe you can be nice anymore." Her eyes fell back down to the pages of her book, the tone of her voice raising from sweet to cheery, "So be nice! Be nice until it's time to stop being nice, and then -" She snapped the book closed with one hand, the sound of it amplified by the libraries chambery walls until it was like that of a cannons boom, her lavender eyes hardened into gemstones as her minds eye showed her something outside the room she was in. " _Destroy them."_


	14. Guardianship

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, and sbkleman for following and to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210 and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Ms. AtomicBomb and Wolf Strike for their reviews.**

* * *

Kirei Kotomine looked down at the papers being slid across the surface of the desk towards him. Since Tokiomi's funeral the next order of business had been getting the affairs of the state in order, given Aoi's current state she was in no condition to care for Rin, which meant Kirei would be taking on the role of guardian sooner than expected.

"Given the adjustments Mr. Toshaka made to his will shortly before his death almost everything seems to be in place for you to become Rin's legal guardian, which also means you will take over the Toshaka estate until she comes of age." The lawyer explained holding out a pen for Kirei to sign the documents, legalizing all of this. It was taking truly tremendous amounts of self control not to burst out laughing at the whole thing.

"As saddened as I am by his passing I have promised to do everything in my power to maintain his estate and care for his family in a way Tokiomi would have approved." Kirei delivered this line to the attorney in the same voice he gave sermons to the vulnerable masses.

As Kirei leaned forward to take the pen from the woman's hand he noticed the images inside the picture frames on her desk, "You're a parent?" He asked.

Her eyes flicked down to the smiling children she had her arms around in the photographs, her face lit up with warmth at the thought of them and she nodded, "Twin girls, they'll be starting middle school soon."

At that Kirei's eyes flicked over to Rin where she was sitting on a chair pressed up against the wall on the far side of the room, the seven year old had been mostly quiet since she'd sat down, it was an improvement over how she'd been acting at home but she still couldn't disguise the puffiness in her cheeks or the red surrounding her irises.

Kirei leaned forward and beckoned the lawyer to do the same for a more private exchange of words, "As someone with more experience with children could I trouble you for some advice?" He asked her.

Her eyes gleamed with sympathy and she invited his question.

"Well I've been trying my best with Rin but I just can't get her to stop doing that thing with her face." He explained.

The sympathy in the lawyers eye's went out like a light switch, she slid her gaze over to Rin and when she looked back at Kirei her overall expression was more worried, "You mean crying?" She asked.


	15. Meeting the not-family (requested)

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, and sbkleman for following and to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210 and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Ms. AtomicBomb, Awayuki and Wolf Strike for their reviews.**

 **Man it sure is a beautiful day outside, I could go enjoy it, do my homework, or maybe GET TO THAT REQUEST FROM WOLF STRIKE THAT YOU STILL HAVEN'T DONE YET!**

 **I know! I know and I'm so sorry** **｡･ﾟ(ﾟ⊃ω⊂ﾟ)ﾟ･｡**

* * *

When Kirei Kotomine had heard from his adoptive... family member Shirou Kotomine that he was getting married, a sense of curiosity strong enough to kill felines had driven him to arrange a meeting between the three of them. The priest had hoped that arranging the meeting under the pretense of lunch at an un-noteworthy cafe would have been enough to keep the king of heroes from wanting to intervene. And that had worked initially.

"What a drab little place to be summoned." Were the first words Kirei heard from Semiramis.

His first impression of her would have been based off those words had he not looked up at her first, so of course his first impression of her was that she was beautiful. Calling her beautiful didn't feel like saying much though, almost like it was stating the obvious. That of course lead to his second impression of her, based not only on her words but the way she seemed to hold herself, the way she moved with a kind of self assured grace, as though anything that might block her path would part like the red sea to make way for her. It reminded Kirei of someone he knew.

"Father Kotomine." Shirou said upon arriving at their table with a smile that anyone who didn't know better might have called kind or inviting.

"Father Kotomine." Kirei responded in kind, as he watched Shirou not only pull out a chair for his fiance but also hold one of her hands while she sat down like a gentleman of the olden days.

Shirou sat down beside her and began to make the introductions, but he found himself cut off by a disembodied voice.

"Clearly you do not posses the wit I had credited you with Kirei, if you would sit so unguarded in the presence of a servant of the assassin class." A could of gold shimmered into the air, and Gilgamesh materialized, standing with his arms crossed at the head of the table.

Semiramis immediately tensed at the sight of him but not seemingly in shock, but in preparation for a fight.

In fact she smirked, crossing her own arms and tilting her head to look at the newly appeared presence as if she were the one looking down at him, "So I was indeed correct when I sensed another servants mana nearby."

"And you still thought it wise to enter my domain without begging for permisson?" The golden servant asked with a smirk, "Tell me does that make you a foolish mongrel or a presumptuous one?"

Semiramis merely huffed dismissively, looking away as if he weren't interesting enough to hold her attention. "Joy another boaster. I said I sensed another servant, not a threat, and if you are one to make such grand claims of superiority in my presence then it is quite clear you don't realize who you are speaking to."

Gilgamesh yanked out another chair from the table and landed onto it like it was a throne, a way that made Kirei send up a silent thank you that he wasn't wearing his armor.

"A foolish mongrel it is then! Before is the king of all creation, son of the goddess Rimat-Ninsun and slayer of Gugalanna, I am Gilgamesh King of Babylon!" Gilgamesh announced with all the grandeur one would expect from a man who claimed all of creation as his property.

But Semiramis did not react to his titles and accomplishments in the desired way, no, instead her lips split open into a Cheshire grin and her eyes narrowed down into dagger points. "You prove yourself to be nothing but a child. You speak to one who surveyed Babylon's creation, who brought kings and generals to their knees with naught but the sight of me, daughter of the goddess Derketo, I am Semiramis Empress of Assyria."

The two of them fell into a verbal jousting match and seemed to forget the rest of the world. Kirei took this time to converse with Shirou.

"You feel prepared enough to deal with all this that you propsed to her?" he asked the white haired priest, who just smiled back at him before responding,

"Actually she's the one who asked me, well," Shirou let a chuckle rumble through his throat as he remembered the interaction that had lead to the ring that would soon be on his left hand, "that's not technically right, she didn't so much ask me as informed me that she had found me worthy to be at her side."

If the two of them weren't already glaring at each other Kirei would have made a mental note at that point to never let Gilgamesh and Semiramis meet.

During the fourth Holy Grail War Kirei had done some research into Gilgamesh's history, this had lead to research into Babylon, so he was fairly familiar with the story of Semiramis.

"Given her track record with husbands, which I'm _assuming_ you're familiar with, why would you want to marry her, let alone think it was a good idea?"

Shirou simply looked at Kirei for a moment before his eyes slid to where Semiramis was still sniping at Gilgamesh beside him, his eyes softened at the sight of her, some faraway memory playing in his mind, and the corners of his mouth curled subconsciously. When the darker skinned man turned back to Kirei his silver earings caught on an errant ray of sunlight, illuminating his silver hair, when so when he closed his eyes and smiled serenly to give his response he looked like something... not quite human.

"I just think she's neat." Shirou told his fellow priest as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

* * *

 **As mentioned above this chapter came at the request of Wolf Strike, I hope they enjoyed it.**

 **If anyone else out there reading this would like to request a certain quote or set of characters to appear in upcoming chapters, don't be affraid to leave them in a review or PM me. Thanks for reading ~**


	16. Baby it's cold outside

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, ktorr16 and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Ms. AtomicBomb, Awayuki, Wolf Strike, I'm a guest, and Eiskalle1 for their reviews.**

 **This chapter is for the lovely Ms. AtomicBomb who wanted to see a little more Diarmuid, I hope you like it x**

* * *

If Rin Toshaka had her way she would have summoned Saber and won this war single handedly (The assistance of her servant not withstanding).

But despite weeks of preparation and years of storing mana into gem stones she'd ended up summoning the Archer servant, an Archer who didn't even know _which Heroic Spirit he was!_

That being said he was undeniably powerful, and despite who much he seemed to irk her intentionally (don't think she didn't see those smirks), Rin couldn't deny to herself that he was growing on her. He had even said it himself, they were an ideal pair.

And if that were the only deviation from Rin having her way that would have been fine. She could see herself and Archer winning the war together, but of course that would imply her fighting this war just the two of them.

And because that was what Rin had wanted _of course_ Luviagelita Edelfelt was chosen to be a Master as well.

The haughty blonde had confronted Rin the day before the war had officially started, the two had meet before when Rin had spent the summer in London studying a minerology course in the Clock Tower, the two had been aggressive rivals ever since.

Luvia had appeared outside the school gates, catching Rin as she had been heading home. Being her insufferable self she of course refused to just come out and ask Rin to ally herself with the Edelfelt heir, and of course Rin would rather eat her living room furniture than ask or accept her help.

So how had they ended up here?

The two mages stood on top of the Fuyuki bridge, Archer was scanning the area for other servants while Luvia's Lancer servant, the Celtic hero Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (who Archer had immediately recognised due to the charm spell on his face, how much more obvious can you make your identity?), sat nearby awaiting orders from his Master.

Had they been on the ground the late Autumn evening might not have been so bad, but high up as they were, the two girls were assaulted by cold wind. Of course their servants didn't feel the cold, and Rin was determined not to let either Archer or Luvia see her shivering. She was wearing her usual red coat which would have been fine normally, but in her defense Rin didn't think anything short of a ski jacket would have kept her warm up here.

Luvia seemed to have no such concerns herself.

"Buurrr!" Came the theatrical interjection of the British mage.

Rin looked over to her but the wind was blowing Luvia's volumous curls around her face, barring her expression from Rin's view, but the blonde was rubbing her gloved hands up and down her blue clad arms.

"It's absolutely freezing up here! Don't you agree Rin?" Luvia asked in her upper class accent.

Rin pressed her lips together and clenched her hands in her pockets before answering, willing her voice not to shake when she did so, "It's just a bit of wind, nothing I can't handle."

 _Oh really? Then all that shaking on the spot you're doing is for fun then?_ Came Archer's voice through their mental link. He still had his face turned towards the city but Rin could just imagine the smug look in his eyes, she wrinkled her nose in annoyance but refused to answer.

While this was happening Lancer had risen from his seated position and moved to behind his master, he momentarily transformed from his green armour into the civilian clothes Luvia had bought him so he could move around town with her during the day. He shrugged off the probably designer duffle coat and draped it around Luvia's shoulders.

"Here Mistress Luvia, please accept my robes." He offered with a level of chivalry in his voice worthy of a fairy tale prince.

"Oh Lancer," Luvia fawned in reply, "you really are too sweet."

Rin quickly averted her eyes from the two of them, that poor Lancer, knowing Luvia she was probably wearing him around her little finger like a signet ring. That being said their behaviour around and towards each other did set of a twinge of something in Rin's chest. Her eyes flickered to Archer's back, his white hair and the tails of his own red coat swaying in the wind, Rin knawed on the inside of her lip for a moment before saying,

"I suppose I am feeling a little cold." She kept her eyes on his back, waiting for a response.

Only to barely be able to swallow her frustration when he replied to her with,

"Well damn Rin, I can't control the weather."

* * *

 **Hello my beautiful readers!**

 **Real life is starting to get hecka crazy for me, so I won't be posting anything for the next couple of weeks, I have one more chapter planned for a request from Wolf Strike, and then after that you won't be hearing from me for a while, but I promise I'm not giving up on this story.**


	17. Hangover & The not-family Part 2

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, ktorr16 and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Matze96, Jubzy650 and Wolf Strife for their reviews.**

 **This chapter is coming per request from Wolf Strife, who requested the original Hangover and Meeting the Not-family chapters.**

* * *

Her empire might have fallen to the ruins of history but Semiramis was still an Empress, and as such she would be having a wedding worthy of royalty. Shirou had been happy to let her do most of the planning but the only request he had made was that the ceremony take place in a church and be over seen by one of the holy men of his religion.

The celebrations afterwards would take place in the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, and so to fill the court yards the guest list included nearly every Magus and Servant they knew, and their friends.

Which was how the Emiya family found themselves getting dressed for the formal occasion. Irisviel was braiding red ribbons into Illya's hair when a knock came from her bedroom door. She invited them in, not expecting to see the red hair of her adopted son Shirou peek into the room.

"Shirou, is everything alright?" Irisviel asked, noting the slightly worried look in the boys eyes.

"Um, have you seen Angelica?" He asked, a slight tinge of embarrassment in his voice.

Shirou's girlfriend Angelica had been invited to the wedding as Shirou's plus one, his family had already met Angelica when the two had started dating, she had struck Iri as being stoic and borderline cold, but it was obvious that the blonde cared about her son, she just wasn't very expressive about it, which in a strange way Iri found a little endearing since it reminded her of Kiritsugu. Only Illya didn't seem to like her all that much, but that seemed to be born more from childish jealousy of someone else spending time with her elder brother.

"She hasn't been in here sorry. Is everything alright?"

Shirou stepped fully into the room and waved his hands passively, "Oh no, nothing's wrong it's just, just..." he trailed off getting a sad look on his face.

Iri patted Illya on the back and sent her off to go check on her father, once the little girl was out of the room she sat down on the edge of her bed and patted the spot next to her, signaling Shirou to sit down, once he did Iri gave him a comforting pat on the back before asking him what happened.

"We had a fight, kind of." He explained, his tone heavy with regret. Shirou had always hated arguing with people.

"Kind of?"

"Well, it started after dinner yesterday..." He began to explain;

 _"I have a surprise for you." Angelica said as she came up behind him. They had just finished dinner and now Shirou was washing the dishes._

 _"Oh yeah?" He asked with a bit of excitment, Angelica wasn't usually one for surprises, what's more it sounded like a little bit of excitement was leaking into her voice. "What is it?"_

 _Angelica's breath ghosted across the back of his neck as she stepped closer, placing her hands on his biceps as he continued working. "You remember those guys at work you said had been giving you trouble?"_

 _"Yeah." Shirou agreed absentmindedly at first, he told her about some guys who always came in at last call and got way drunker than was comfortable to deal with when you're not on the graveyard shift. But what could they have to do with her surprise?_

 _Then Shirou's brain started to put the pieces together._

 _"Well-" Angelica began to explain, but she was cut off when Shirou suddenly whirled around to face her, panic overtaking his former excitment._

 _"Oh no, Angelica what did you do?!"_

"... Things have been kind of awkward around the house ever since." Shirou told her.

Iri hummed in understanding, this type of situation wasn't entirely alien to her. It's funny, people always like to say that girls fall for boys like their fathers, no one ever seemed to talk about how boys also seemed to fall for girls like their fathers.

"It's not like this isn't an argument we've had before, but I just worry that maybe that's what she's upset about, I mean I'd be ling if I said I wasn't getting used to her acting like this. But sometimes I just wish..." The boy let out a sigh and hung his head, "Have I screwed up terribly?"

Irisviel grabbed Shirou's hands between her own, making him look her in her eyes, worried light brown met compassionate red.

"Oh sweetie. I'm sure she feels the exact same way you do. You say you're used to her behaviour? Well then she must be used to you as well, in fact I'll bet she's probably worrying about the same thing right now." Irisviel assured him.

"You really think so?"

"I know so." Irisviel smiled at her son before sighing nostalgically, "I remember when I first started dating your father we had more than a few clashes of our own..."

 _Irisviel sat of the sofa wiping at her watering eyes with the back of her hands, "I just-" She sobbed out, "I just feel-" This time when she stopped talking it was because of the scuffing noise made behind her, the white haired woman twisted her neck around to look at her husband, "Are you climbing out the window?"_

 _The mage killer had one leg out the window, while both of his arms were holding onto the frame, preparing himself to scale down the wall, his other foot had slid just a little as he'd been easing his body across the window ledge, knocking the leg of a nearby table. He froze under his wife's stare like a deer in headlights._

 _"No." He replied unconvincingly._

Irisviel giggled a little as she finished telling her story, and a little piece of Shirou's respect for his father crumble off and away from the rest of his soul. "Why are they like this?" He asked, not really to anyone in particular.

Despite her light demenour Irisviel quickly got on the same wave length as him and shrugged with a nonplussed look on her face, "Why do we love this?"

* * *

 **Hello my beautiful readers!**

 **This chapter is last you're going to hear from me for a while, hopefully I'll have some more free time in a couple of weeks, but until next time- don't miss me too much ;)**


	18. Jack's first birthday

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, The man who inherited madness,gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16 and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife and Ms. Atomic Bomb for their reviews.**

 **I'm baaacckk~**

* * *

Now that the Holy Grail War was over Reika rather enjoyed her new life. The sun was shinning down through her sunglasses as she walked down the street, on her way to pick up Jack from the day center. It worked as a sort of informal school for the scarred child, along with their other activities the center offered a few academic classes for younger children it was meant to help children who were struggling with their schoolwork, but if Jack used it to better their understanding of how human children behaved that was an education all the same.

Not for the first time, Reika smiled and said a silent thank you to Shirou Amakusa for making this life possible. He had approached the Assasin servant and Master after their first encounter with the red faction, offering them a solution to the problem of Reika's lack of magical circuits in exchange for their support. He'd introduced them to Caster of red who had used his noble phantasm to transform Reika into a Succubus. Now with the ability to absorb mana from the people she slept with she could supply Jack with the magical energy they had been relying on Mage hearts for. The two had ducked out of the fighting for the rest of the war, especially after that close call Jack had had with Ruler.

Now they were living in the countryside, venturing into the city every now and again. Far from a normal life, but a happy one.

"Reika!" Called a voice from behind the reminiscing woman. Said woman turned around to see Karin, a fellow mother who's child was a classmate of Jack's.

The two said their hello's and continued to walk to the day center together, and continued chatting while they waited for their children to come out the door.

"Mommy!" Jack shouted, their pale dress fluttering around their legs as the former Servant ran towards their mother, Reika caught Jack and hoisted them up onto her hip. "Hi miss Karin." Jack greeted pleasantly as Reika had been teaching her to do.

"Hello Jack," Karin smiled, "I heard you have a birthday coming up, are you looking forward to it?"

"Oh Jack's been very excited, since it's the first birthday we'll be spending in the town I thought we could have a party to celebrate." Answered Reika.

"Someone will die." Jack stated with their usual macabre glee.

"Of fun!" Reika was quick to cover up, turning on the spot and walking away before Karin could question what she'd just heard.

"And murder." Jack whispered under their breathe, as slit-pupiled eyes surveyed the other parents gathering outside the building.


	19. Waver's school of Magecraft and Buggery

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, The man who inherited madness,gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16 and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife, Awayuki and Ms. Atomic Bomb for their reviews.**

 **I love some of these weird names Nasu gives their characters, but man does auto correct feel differently.**

* * *

When Waver Velvet was young he entered the Holy Grail War, when the war ended Waver Velvet decided to go traveling, when he finally returned to England he decided to take everything he'd learned and try to nurture the new generations with it, in a way his former teachers never had.

Now he was Lord El-Melloi II, and he was seriously regretting ever deciding to become a teacher.

The Magecraft lecturer took a deep drag of his cigar, then exhaling the smoke through the narrow gap in his lips, watching the grey wisps curl upwards through the air like a Chinese dragon.

"So." Waver turned his eyes first to the small group of first year students that made up his lecture attendee's, then to the corpse of the coffee maker on the table they were all standing around. "Who broke it?" He asked bluntly.

Naturally there was no instant reply, the gathered young ones simply looked at down at the table awkwardly or at each other suspiciously. "I'm not mad, I just want to know." The teacher assured them.

After a beat of silence of course the first person to speak up was Shirou Emiya, "I did, I broke it!"

"No, no you didn't." Waver immediately shot down, before looking at the most likely suspect. "Flat?"

The blonde boy in question twitched like a cat, and widened his eyes at the sudden attention and unspoken accusation, he waved his hands in front of him defensively, "Hey don't look at me." Flat then cocked his head towards student standing next to him, "Look at Caules."

The glasses wearing mage guffawed at the his friend (were they friends? Flat had definitely decided that they were.) "What?! I didn't break it!" Caules argued.

"Huh, that's wierd." Flat scratched at his chin theatrically while leaning into Caules' personal space, "Then how'd you know it was broken?"

Caules scowled right back at Flat leaning as far back from the blonde as he could without out right backing away, "Because it's sitting in front of us and it's broken." He gritted out through his teeth.

"Suspicious." Flat stage whispered back at his professor.

"No it's not!" Caules out right shouted at Flat.

"If it matters. Probably not..." Luvia chirped in from where she was standing opposite Rin on the other side of Shirou. "But Rin was the last one to use it."

The Toshaka heir turned on her blonde rival like a guard dog. "Liar! I don't even drink that crap!"

Luvia brings one white glove clad hand up to her mouth in 'shock'. "Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?"

"I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles! Everyone knows that _Luvia!"_

During the two girls' argument they had been inching their faces closer to each other, forcing the poor red head between them to duck down, lest he be caught in the cross fire of the daggers they were glaring at each other.

"Alright, let's not fight!" Shirou pleads to the both of them, leaning forward so that he could stand up straight, "I broke it, let me pay for it Professor." Shirou looked to the elder Mage with a pleading look in his eyes.

This is getting ridiculous.

"No!" Waver bellows, his voice filling the room and cutting through all the petty arguments his students had been wrapping themselves in. "Who broke it?" This time it was less of a question than an order for the perpetrator to come forward.

Again no one speaks up, but this time it's because the air is full of tension, everyone has someone they want to get the blame for this. Or at least someone they want proven wrong.

Eventually Flat shifts closer to Waver's side, "You know... Reines' is being really quiet." The boy says casually, but that doesn't stop Waver's adoptive sister from jumping up from perched place on the lounge table, letting out an indignant yelp.

"Really?!" She demands, stomping over to Flat.

"Yeah really." Flat replies in an act of either courage or obliviousness.

That was the point when it all descended into chaos. Waver just sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose and feeling suddenly tankful that he hadn't decided to have this meeting in his office. The long haired teacher slunk out of the door and into the hall way, he leaned against the wall and tried to ignore the fact that he could hear the sound of things being thrown.

"I broke it." Came a sudden voice.

Waver looked beside him, standing on the opposite side of the door frame was Reines' maid Golem, Trimmau. She stood perfectly still, he hands folded ontop of her pristine white apron, as the daylight streaming through the windows reflected off her metallic skin.

"It burned my hand so I punched it." She explained in the same tone she would use when talking about why she thought she was a terminator while she dusted the mantle piece, "I predict in about twenty minutes they will be at each others throats with war paint on their faces and a pig's head on a stick. This is good. It was getting a little chummy around here."

...

Teaching was a mistake.


	20. Gender? What is gender?

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, The man who inherited madness,gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Fall2Glory and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife, Awayuki, guest and foxwithinabox (great name by the way) for their reviews.**

 **This one's for Awayuki :)**

* * *

The battle field was a nightmare. The enemy teams Caster was launching binding spells in every direction, while their Berserker cut through all of Gudako's allies, who had been trapped in place, much like she was at the moment. The cursed chains wrapped around her from waist to the top of her rib cage and squeezed like a Boa Constrictor whenever she tried to move her arms.

She called out to the remaining nearby servants for aid but unfortunately the enemy Saber was keeping them from her.

Bedivere stood before the enemy Saber, charging up his silver arm with mana, "As a knight of the round table I would know your name before I strike you." He announced in his misleadingly soft lyrical voice.

The enemy Saber raised their rapier perpendicular to their beautiful face, "Chevalier D'eon." They responded in a similar tone to Bedivere's.

The Arthurian knight rushed at the French Heroic Spirit, their clash was intense but brief as the silver armed blonde found himself flung backwards and skidding across the ground from the force of Chevalier's last attack.

Chevalier swished their sword through the air as they relaxed their posture from the attack. "You know I think I fought another opponent like you one, oh what was his name?" The saber pouted in mock contemplation before zeroing their eyes on Bedivere with a malicious glint, "Oh I think it was the wind!"

The Saber then flicked their gaze over to where Beowulf was crouched near where Bedivere had been standing before he attacked, the Berserker's body was strung like piano wire as his eyes met the enemies, "How about you over their, you going to get involved or what?" They asked.

"I'm trying to figure out what the hell you are?" The Scandinavian hero responded with a grunt.

"I am a Saber you dunderhead." The blonde shot back dismissively.

"That's not what I meant and you know it's not what I meant." Beowulf deadpanned as he raised his massive frame to his feet, ready to try out his own attack.

The Saber looked less than threatened, in fact their expression was more one of bored insolence, they looked somewhere to their side where another part of the battle was raging, "Caster could you tie these two up? Their no fun for me."

Beowulf let out a guttural roar as he charged the blonde but was cut off when the same chains that were binding Gudako shot out of the air and wrapped around both him and Bedivere, suspending them above the ground like meat in a butcher's. "Gah! Let me go you androgynous freak!" He barked.

The chains began to shift through the air, moving Gudako in front of Chevalier, close to the ground but far back from him, like an archery target. "I think I'll start with you Master of Chaldea, beautiful women leave a terrible taste in my mouth." Chevalier drawled out while lining up the tip of their rapier with a vital spot on Gudako's body.

"Why?! Is it because their competion? Are you gay? What are you?!" Beowulf continued shouting from where he was tied up.

"Please forgive Beowulf," Gudako managed to get out with the air that hadn't been choked out of her lungs, "his brain was built for hitting things not gender politics."

"A man that sounds like a woman is weird!" True to his class the Berserker was losing his senses as he struggled to free himself.

"Yeah, yeah it's super weird." Agreed Bedivere, apparently unaware of the irony.

"You are both being very rude to the person who's about to kill us!" Gudako scolded, more than a little ashamed of her Servants lack of sensitivity.


	21. The FGO crowd

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, The man who inherited madness,gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Fall2Glory and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife, Awayuki, guest and foxwithinabox (great name by the way) for their reviews.**

 **This one's for Awayuki :)**

* * *

Mash followed Dr. Roman down the hallways of one of Chaldea's many empty wings, Mash was one of the first to arrive at the facility aside from the senior staff members. Dr. Roman was giving Mash a tour of the facilities, technically the doctor himself was discovering his way around the complex just as much as he was guiding the Kouhai but Mash was still thankful for what directions he could give her.

"Along here is mostly just empty rooms, we use some of them for storage, or the occasional nap you don't want the director to catch you taking." The red haired man explained.

Mash let out a laugh at his napping comment, but when he looked back at her with a questioning look in regards to her reaction the young lady realised not only was he not joking, he was probably referring to something he had done before. Mash's laugh turned awkward but Dr. Roman didn't quite seem to catch that and simply continued on walking ahead of her, his ponytail bobbing with each step.

"You know," He said without turning to face Mash, "even once we get the rest of the recruits in her I think we'll still have a few extra rooms, so if you wanted to set up an office for yourself, private space for a little 'you time', you could probably get away with it."

Mash immediately began shaking her head in mild mannered protest even though the doctor wasn't looking her way to see it. "Oh no, really doctor I-"

Mash cut off her reply when she heard a muffled noise from somewhere to her left, stopping her walk she turned to look at the series of doors built into the wall, unlike the doors in the central parts of the building these were more traditional ones, door knobs and everything. The lavenderette listened closely for another noise, but then noticed that one of the doors was just a fracture away from being closed properly.

Remembering the doctors comment about using the empty rooms as a personal get away Mash inched closer to the slight crack in the door to see who was inside.

She was not expecting what she saw.

The room was empty except for one work bench pressed up against the wall and the two people occupying it. A man and a woman, the man had a long mullet of blue hair and a set of silver earring's visible from where his locks were being pulled back from his face, his figure clad in a toga of similar blue, though a seriously muscled physique could still be made out through the fabric of his shirt and his bare biceps, the woman Mash recoginsed by her shocking white hair as the Director Olga Marie Animusphere who had delegated Dr. Roman to giving Mash the tour of the facility in the first place, after a brief introduction the older woman had waved the demi-servant to be over to the red headed doctor only saying she had things to do.

Was that perhaps a joke?

Since it seemed the only thing the director was focusing on at the moment was how hard she could tug on her male companions hair without hurting him. The director was seated on the work bench while the man Mash would later come to know as a Caster version of the hero Cu Chulainn was standing in front of her, or more accurately he was standing between her legs, her thighs squeezing him around the waist. Both of them had their eyes closed while their mouths slid together searingly, the director tangled her Caster's hair around her fingers like marionette strings, while his hands were slowly massaging her hips before sliding them up the column of her back.

The two were so wrapped up in the feeling of each other that they didn't notice Mash, who's facing was burning so heatedly that the poor girl was sure she was going to burst into flames.

Mash leaned backwards on her feet, forcing her body to stumble backwards away from the door, but she was still in shock from the sight right up until she bumped into Dr. Roman. Mash let out a squeak and spun around to look at her superior her face still glowing with embarrassment.

"Ah- I- I'm sorry I just- it's just, I saw- I mean the director-" Mash flailed verbally, struggling for a coherent sentence.

The doctor however heard her mention the director, lifted his eyes to the door behind her and apparently put the pieces together in his mind. "As long as the director didn't see you don't fret to much, she's really the only one who would get upset about something like this." He explained calmly, walking towards one of the large windows lining the hallway.

"Only one? You don't mean others..." Mash questioned but trailed off, unable to say the implication out loud.

"That's just the kind of place his is Mash, a lot of very sexy people not doing much work, and having affairs." The good doctor told her while keeping his gaze fixed on the view outside the window.

"Wow." Mash gasped in awe, whether in admiration of the view or at the opportunities this opened up for her no one was sure.


	22. A legit scene from Jane Eyre

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness,gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Fall2Glory and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Fall2Glory, Ms. AtomicBomb and Wolf Strife for their reviews of last chapter.**

* * *

Nero had once told Hakuno that the revealing of a Servants true name was more than just a way to give the Servant access to their Noble Phantasm, it was an accession in the bond between the two of them. And he'd be lying if he said he couldn't feel it.

He'd paid attention to Nero before of course, it was hard not to, she was like the sun, gracing him with warmth whenever she smiled. But now it was almost like there were invisible threads looping the two of them together, he noticed things about her now that his NPC brain processed with a new found sense of awe at the things she was capable of.

He noticed how she moved, she did everything with great amounts of theater and panache, but the way the fabric of her dress always seemed to sway just right with her dance like movements forced the eye to watch. He noticed her face, when she smiled, when she steeled her expressions, when she delivered a speech as if she were delivering a spotlit monologue, but what intrigued him most were the looks she got in her quiet moments, when her eyes would focus on one small thing but it was clear her mind was far away from here.

And of course they listened to each other. After the ordeal with Li Shuwen and Julius B. Harwey on the last floor had revealed Nero's past to him the Red Saber had begun explaining more about herself. She never out right spoke about her own life, but she told him about her love for her people, her pride in her theater, and of course her life in the arts.

That was the main thing Hakuno had learned about Nero, she was an actor, deep in her heart perhaps she was even more that than an emperor.

And like any good actor she threw herself into her performances. A little less like a good actor she also tended to get carried away with herself.

"Oh my beloved forest sprite, how you nourish my soul." Nero sung as she span around the Angelica Cage. "My dear dear Praetor, born of the wind and sky and forever in flight in my heart. Praetor you marvelous faerie prince sorcerer king child man."

"My name is Hakuno." The brunette deadpanned from where he was standing in the middle of the room. Nero didn't seem to hear him.

"Yes Praetor, my enchanting, mystical green eyed unicorn spirit."

"Actually my eyes aren't..." Hakuno began to correct once he was sure Nero was done with her performance, but then she smiled at him. "You know what never mind."


	23. The AU I'll never write

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness,gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Fall2Glory and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Awayuki for their double reviews of last chapter. Love ya** (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

* * *

Siegfried wrapped his hands around the coffee cup in his hands, waiting on him idly if expectantly were Karna and Achilles.

The three of them were seated around a table in the gym's café, Karna and Achilles had finished their daily training routines, now they were just waiting for Atalanta to finish with her physiotherapy session after she'd injured her arm last week.

The three Olympic hopefuls shared an apartment in the Hanging Gardens buildings that Siegfried was supper of, but today he was relying on them for aid.

"So, what was it you wanted to ask us?" Karna asked him in his usual careful tone.

Siegfried took a gulp of his coffee, "I was hoping to get your advice about… well it's about Jeanne."

Achilles raised his eyebrow, "Jeanne? Sieg's OT?"

Sieg was a newer resident of the building, a dear (possibly more than) friend of Astolfo, who he'd moved in with after waking up from a year long coma, and while the boy was well enough to leave the hospital his body was still in a fragile state, and that's where Jeanne came in. Jeanne D'Arc was an occupational therapist who'd taken on Sieg's case, she had been coming by the building to see him every day for a month and since she lived in the next town over she had to take the bus, so one day when they'd been leaving the Hanging Gardens at the same time Siegfried had offered to drive her home, after that he'd started driving her home every day. All the time it had just been the two of them Siegfried was still surprised when he found himself falling for her.

He explained all this to the men across from him, and Achilles developed a wolf's grin. "So, you want a few tips on how to impress the fairer sex huh?"

"Basically yes." Siegfried admitted, lowering his eyes to his emptying coffee cup.

"I'm a little confused as to why you are asking us though." Karna stated.

Siegfried grimaced, "Well Astolfo tried to offer me some advice on the subject, but…" he trailed off as his memories of earlier in the week came back to him.

 **:::**

 _"Is that a new jacket Siegfried?" Jeanne asked the silvernette as she approached where he was leaning against the hood of his car. Her wide amethyst eyes taking in his large frame, specifically the black biker jacket hugging his torso._

 _Siegfried did his best to keep his expression schooled as he gave Jeanne a welcoming grin, "It's pretty old actually, dug it out of the back of my wardrobe this morning." The truth was that Astolfo had shoved it into his arms a few minutes earlier, enthusiastically coaching him on what to say._

 _The blonde hiked her bag further up onto her shoulder she gave a small laugh, "Well it certainly looks good on you." After saying that her eyes promptly widened and she ducked her gaze downwards, heading over to the passenger's door._

 _Astolfo had told him that Jeanne would offer such a complement, and after she did he was supposed to say-_

 _"It's your kind of style, right? I heard you like bad boys." Siegfried smirked._

 _Jeanne quickly dropped her sheepish look and instead looked back up at Siegfried with her brows drawn together in confusion, "Not really, no."_

 _She opened the passenger door and hopped into the car, and Siegfried took the moment of him being blocked from her view to lean over the hood of his car while pressing a hand to his chest, "Oh thank god." He sighed to himself._

 **:::**

"… I thought it might be more beneficial for me to ask advice from someone… not insane."

Both the other men nodded and made noises of understanding.

Achilles leaned forward on his elbows, a glint in his eyes. "Well it's true that I'm something of a veteran in the romancing department." He lifted one arm off the table and slapped his roommate on the back, "And Karna here's got the kind of good looks that defy sexuality."

The pale man flinched slightly, his eyes cutting to the other side of the room and a slight bit of colour tinting his cheeks.

"But I don't go just giving my moves away for nothing, so I'm going to need a little quid pro quo." Achilles smirked.

Siegfried levelled his gaze at the green haired man, "What do you want?"

"From this point on you can offer us your services as our personal driver!" Achilles laughed.

"He pretty much already does that." Karna deadpanned.

It was true, Siegfried had a bad habit of saying no when people asked him for a favour. And those favours often involved his car.

Achilles deflated a little, "Oh yeah." He set his chin between his thumb and fore finger as he began racking his brain for something else he wanted.

"I could convince the rest of the building that it's just you and Atalanta who are dating and that the three of you are in fact not in some kind of triad relationship."

Both of the two sets of eyes watching him widened, honestly, he wasn't sure how they hadn't been aware of the rumour, it had been circulating the laundry room for ages. Putting an end to it shouldn't be too hard though, he'd probably just have to tell Fran, lord knows that woman never stopped talking.

Karna was the one to break Siegfried out of his thoughts, "Yes please do that. We are not a couple, definitely not a couple." He responded sharply.

Achilles leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest, glaring at his friend, "Wow, you seemed pretty insulted by that. What I'm not good enough for you?"

Karna simply looked back with a deadpan expression, "We are not having this conversation again."

"This stopped being about me really quick." Siegfried muttered into his drink.

* * *

 **Fun fact, this chapter is actually based off of an AU fic I'd had the idea for but could never really work out the story to. So enjoy this look into what could have been my lovely readers ~**


	24. takane no hana

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Fall2Glory and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And as always, special thanks to Awayuki, Wolf Strife and Ms. AtomicBomb for thier reviews of last chapter.**

 **Hmm... Those Bleach S abridged chapters seem to be pretty popular, I wonder...**

* * *

For once Assassin was not standing at his post, guarding the gates of Ryuudou temple like a good little false Servant. He was sitting in meditation on the steps of the courtyard, all but two of the Servants had been summoned and the war would be starting soon.

He opened his eyes at the sound of approaching footsteps, his Master looked different in the daylight. Not dawning her dramatic hood or the Grecian styled robes of her homeland, instead garbing herself in pale lavender modern clothes, a long skirt and a knitted shawl wrapped around her upper body.

"What are you thinking?" Medea asked.

"That you look almost human." Kojiro answered.

That disdainful look flitted across Medea's face at the word he was implying. She clicked her tongue at him, refusing to lose her composure to _his_ mocking. "Those words might carry a little more weight to them if they came from someone who wasn't constantly going on about how he is nothing."

The Assassin closed his eyes again with a smirk, "No need to get so offended, after all neither of us can really be considered human."

He didn't even need to open his eyes to know her reaction to those words and he had to fight the urge to laugh.

"Neither of us are human, why? Because we are Servants or because we lack bodies?" The woman questioned.

Opening his blue eyes to look on her face again (regal indifference, knew it), he rose to his feet so the two of them were at eye level, his lose robes swished at the movement (their robes were so close in colour, he'd never noticed before), and Assassin made sure that he had her full attention before explaining his views.

"None of us Servants are human because what we are is a figment of modern imagination, we lack bodies because none of us ever truly existed. We are not human because we lack souls." He told her in his usual tone, sophisticated and getting more amused with every flicker of agitation in Medea's eyes as he down to her.

"You dare tell me that I don't have a soul." Medea's face was still but her voice shook with cold rage, even worse than when she had been called a witch.

Assassin smirked again, letting out a dry chuckle as he did so. "Even for someone who comes from the so-called 'Age of Gods' you must admit that a legend as bloody as yours could not be centered around someone with a true and complete soul."

"My legend..." Medea muttered under her breath, her head bowed down towards the stones of the courtyard so that her fringe hid the upper half of her face from his view.

And then suddenly Kojiro felt his body become paralyzed by a tremendous pressure that felt like it was emanating from the air around him. That's when he felt the aura surrounding Caster, the mana she was expending might have drained a regular magus dry but for a Servant of the Caster class it was little more than a subconscious gesture. Caster's magic threads were wrapping around his body, pulling his arms behind his back. His vision zeroed in on his Master, a reflex for any swordsman, but she never lifted her head from where it hung, she never even twitched a muscle.

"Tell me what is a soul?" Medea's voice was almost empty. Slowly, carefully, she lifted one of her arms, and held her hand out with her fingers stretched out just enough that the tip of her index finger just brushed the front of his chest, the vixen made sure to use the hand with her command seals on them. "If I tore a hole in your chest would I see it?"

She raised her hand further so that it pointed directly between his eyes. "If I split open your skull would it be there?"

If looks could kill Kojiro Sasaki would have found have found his time in the war over before it even began.

"And what about you're legend? And if you were real how much blood do you think a mythic swordsman would have on his hands?"

Although the threads wrapped around him only felt like they were getting tighter with each word she spoke, Kojiro found it in himself to get the words out in a tone that didn't sound like he was choking. "I wasn't insulting you, truly, if anything I was saying that you and I are somewhat-"

But before he could finish speaking he found the air was ripped from his lungs. Medea spun around on her heels and walked away from him without another word. Once she was far enough away her mental hold on him wavered just enough for him to return to spirit form.

XXXX

The warmth of his blood flowed out of the wound Saber had dealt him and was coating the lower half of his body as well as dying his clothes red and black.

The Assassin who for all intents and purposes was refereed to as Kojiro Sasaki sat down on the steps he'd been ordered to guard as he watched himself fade away into nothing. "I'd thought her a lovely little song bird, but she was more like a lion." He tried to laugh at himself but he ended up coughing blood into his mouth. "And here I thought I was a good judge of women."

He was prepared to just sit there, watching the falling leaves as his vision blurred around the edges, but before he could return to the grail completely he felt a pulse of familiar mana behind him. He twisted his head just enough to see over his shoulder. To see Caster standing on the step just above him, she was dressed in her summoned attire, but when he looked up to see her face she pulled her hood back, her one braid falling forward as a result.

Her face showed no deep emotions as she looked down at him, and that told him all he needed to know. Her coming here wasn't an act of compassion or affection, but she had summoned him, so she'd stay with him till he was gone.

As he looked into the blue eyes he'd so often been denied the sight of, an old conversation between the two of them came to mind.

 _And if he were real,_ he thought to himself, _would a swordsman not have shed as much blood as a witch when he was not trying to slay swallows? Were he real a figure like that would surely strike fear into the heart of any man._

"Let me ask you vixen..." The false Assassin asked in a weak voice, "Are you afraid of me?"

Medea narrowed her eyes slightly in confusion at his question, but fair play to the former princess, she never let her mask slip, and when her eyes widened back, they softened just slightly.

"No, I'm not." She told him simply, "I'm really not."

Assassin exhaled through his nose, and he couldn't quite keep the upward twitch of his lips from showing. Whether it was his abilities still in affect or a symptom of his impending demise but to Kojiro it seemed like everything in his field of vision was slowing down, one of the leaves from the trees he'd been admiring floated just in place of Medea's face. But Kojiro was enjoying this unguarded moment between the two of them, so he reached his hand out to pluck it from the air.

But it wasn't just his vision that had slowed down, when he reached his arm out the movement of the limb was sluggish and struggling.

The last physical sensation he felt before disappearing was Medea's hand coming to meet his in the air. Just that split second where the fingers of her gloved hand brushed his skin, before they passed right through him and his entire arm dispersed into the air like it was made of dust.

 _This is it_

The empty man thought as the dispersion traveled up his arm and up his neck.

 _I see now, in the palm of my hand, is..._


	25. Saber comes in with a bang! (requested)

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Fall2Glory and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Awayuki, Wolf Strife, and Ms. AtomicBomb for their reviews last chapter.**

 **This chapter is coming at the request of Wolf Strife. Now I just want to warn you all that writing this chapter, trying to translate the visual insanity that is FLCL into words might just be one of the biggest challenges of my fanfic career.**

* * *

Shirou was standing on the bridge, he and Rin had been walking home from school when he had felt the sudden need to stop and stare into the distance while the clouds shifted dramatically above him. That's when he heard the sound of the approaching lion. when Shirou turned to look in the direction it was coming from all he saw was a colourful blur zooming towards the two teenagers. A gold and white sword sheath came apart from the blur and clattered to the ground. The blur began to take on a slightly recognizable shape, or as recognizable as a blonde woman in a blue dress riding a stampeding lion could be.

"Lunch time!" cried out said woman.

Just before the lion headbutted him in the side and with the full momentum of the African originated animal's speed, it sent him tail spinning through the air.

Rin who had been standing behind Shirou all this time watched him spin through the air with a only slightly confused expression on her face in regards to the events that were transpiring around her.

"Already?" She asked before pulling out her phone to snap pictures.

Shirou hit the ground without a sickening thud but still had an unhealthy looking amount of dark blue colouring his forehead as well as the large white discs that had replaced his eyes. Rin took a few more pictures before realising her friend might need medical assistance.

"Emiya-kun!" She called out, rushing towards him.

"Stop!" Commanded an English voice which had Rin halting in her tracks. The ravenette pouted and turned to look at the surprise lion rider, who had jumped of her steed and was now kneeling on the ground (was she kneeling? the skirt made it kind of hard to tell. Was she maybe just that short?), her hand held out in a sign to... well to stop.

Rin quirked an eyebrow at the sight, "Huh?"

Suddenly the mystery women was right up in Rin's face, "Native girl must stop." She said as if it was a crucial fact. The blonde then stood up (she wasn't just that short) and walked over to where Shirou was lying prone on the ground. "Fujimaru-kun just hit his head so you can't move him yet, understand?"

The woman- you know what let's just call her Saber, we all know that's who she is!

Saber leaned over Shirou in inspection. While Rin knelled beside Saber, "But that's not Fujimaru-kun." Rin told her.

If Saber was listening her only response was to slap Shirou across the face so hard that the red haired boy rolled over onto his back. Eww he was drooling. Rin took another picture.

Saber reeled back in horror, dropping a white handkerchief onto the boys face, "He's dead!" She cried out towards the sky, "This young boy in completely dead! Just as Fujimaru would be!"

"But he's not Fujimaru though, like I said." Rin said again even though now she was fairly sure Saber _wasn't_ listening to her. "His names Shirou Emiya, I call him Emiya-kun though, it's kind of cute don't you think?"

Simultaneously while Rin was saying this in a calm tone Saber was alternating between hunching over herself, clutching her head and rolling around on the ground. All while ranting, "Oh I killed him! I finally find the SOB and I kill him! I didn't mean to- it was an accident! Kinda... oh let's face it I definitely totally killed him. Just like that, BANG! or maybe more like _bonk-kablam?_ or maybe _spalt?_ Yeah, yeah yeah yeah."

Then Saber suddenly righted herself, dramatically pulling the blue ribbon from her chignon, allowing her golden blonde hair to wave out around her in a way that made sparkles appear in the air.

She then rubbed at Shirou's face with the handkerchief before throwing it away and grabbing his head in a vice like grip. "Come back to life!" The king of knights ordered before ducking her head down to begin CPR.

The world seemed to begin to rotate in slow motion as Rin looked on in a mix of shock and horror while Saber leaned her face in closer to Shirou's until finally...

"Cut!" called the directors voice from off set.

The sound off all the crew shuffling and moving around behind the camera's filled the previously quiet air as the actors relaxed on set, taking the brief reprise between takes, Saber helped Shirou sit up, rubbing his shoulders as she did so.

Saber turned her head towards Rin, "Doing those slow motion scenes is really tough huh?" She asked the younger girl in her regular voice.

Rin nodded in agreement as a stage hand brought her a water bottle, she took a deep gulp before answering, "Yeah, you gotta hold your breath until they cut."

"You can get cramps from that you know." Saber warned her co-star.


	26. Graveyard shift

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Fall2Glory and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And as always, special thanks to Awayuki, Wolf Strife and Fall2Glory for their reviews of last chapter.**

* * *

After graduating high school Ayako Mitsuzuri had wanted to take a break from the academic life for a while before going on to university (yes I'm still going to university mom, stop worrying), but not study meant she had to find something else to do, and archery training could only take up so much time, so when she'd heard that her old classmate Shirou was opening up his own restaurant it had certainly sounded like opportunity knocking. Sure enough when she'd called him up he'd been happy to offer her a job waiting on and cleaning tables. The money was pretty good for a start up place, and the work load never became to hectic, even if her boss had a nasty habit of never saying no when someone asked for some last minute catering.

Over all Ayako was pretty happy with things. And then Shirou had decided to introduce the graveyard shift.

Which was how the brunette found herself counting the ceiling tiles in an empty restaurant, while her boss was picking up ingredients from some kind of night market the next town over.

"This is ridiculous." Ayako muttered to herself, frustratedly tugging on the ends of the lock of hair she had tucked behind her ear. "Open 24 hours a day? What a stupid idea!"

Even if there was anyone around to see her (which again let it be stressed that there _wasn't_ ) Ayako had stopped caring around 1 am, she jumped up onto the counter top between the kitchen window and the seating area, sat down cross legged and puffed out her cheeks in annoyance. "I mean seriously, who wants to eat takoyaki at three in the morning!" she shouted out to the empty space.

***Meanwhile***

Curled up in her bed and sleeping quite soundly, Taiga Fujimura could have been mistaken as dead to the world if it wasn't for the slight snoring. And then her alarm clock went off.

The teacher bolted upright at lightning speed, a Cheshire grin plastered on her face the minute she opened her eyes.

"Oh boy, 3 am!" She cheered to herself.

Reaching over to her bedside table she first turned off her clocks wringing and then opened the drawer in her nightstand to reveal the take out box from Shirou's restaurant that she'd picked up the day before, flipping open the lid she began to happily munch on her takoyaki.


	27. Angel of music

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Fall2Glory and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And as always, special thanks to Awayuki, Wolf Strife, Lehw and Guest for their reviews of last chapter.**

 **I'm going on vacation in a few days so I won't be able to do any writing for the next two weeks. Hey you! Guy who just rolled there eyes and sarcastically asked 'what difference does that make?' ... I see you.**

 **So anyway I'll post this chapter and try to get another one out tomorrow, maybe two if I have the time. Be patient with me please =^.^=**

* * *

Mozart found the movement of his arms greatly restricted, nevertheless he still played beautifully. When he'd invited the group of Abigail, Lavinia, Jack and Nursery Rhyme to listen to him play the piano he hadn't quite expected them to all squeeze their small bodies onto the bench with him. At first he'd chuckled and though it was cute, but now all four of them (two on each side) had fallen asleep leaning against his sides, and judging by the tingling he was beginning to fell in his biceps his arms were looking to follow their example.

But Marie had asked him to watch the girls as a favour for her, so alas, what is a composer to do?

Speaking of the Archduchess, he turned his head just in time to see her tip-toeing into the room, being careful not to let her heels make to much noise against the floor. Her face grew and adoring expression when she saw the sight of the five servants seated together on the piano bench, and oh, Motzart could write an entire opera about her smile.

"Thank you so much for looking after them. Now is normally their time to play in the salon but the knights of the round table asked to reserve the place for some kind of 'world cup'." Marie whispered to him once she was close enough.

Mozart simply offered a well intentioned smile to that, since he had no idea what that was either. Another kind of grail war perhaps?

"It was no trouble really," He assured the silver haired servant, her crystalline blue eyes widened and focused themselves on his face. "In fact I'd be more than happy to help you out again, however you may need me?"

What the hell was he saying? That wasn't even close to flirting. Why did his lyrical ways have to abandon him now?

He must not have let any of that show on his face however because Marie's expression brightened like the sun burning through a grey film of clouds. "Really?" She asked excitedly, clapping her hands together, the tips of her middle fingers just brushing her bottom lip.

"Oh, Mozart, I'm so happy I could kiss you!" She grinned, still keeping her tone low in consideration of the sleeping girls.

Thank whichever deity which is relevant to heroic spirits that Salieri wasn't there because the awkward and strangled laugh he let out was the most undignified noise he'd ever made. "Umm..." was all that fell out of his mouth.

Come on, say something, anything!

"Neat!" Was apparently the best he could come up with.

xxX Later Xxx

Mozart leaned his face into the cool surface of the grand piano and groaned in agony. The sound mixed in with the low notes Salieri was playing.

"I can't believe I said 'neat', Antonio, 'neat'. Nobody says neat anymore! It's the modern era! It's not neat to say neat, but I said it anyway because I'm a huge loser!" Mozart rambled, never lifting his face up from the piano lid.

Although his voice could still be heard of the music, Salieri's face remained none pulsed, and his eyes stayed on the movement of his fingers across the ivory keys. He refused to allow himself to become disgruntled simply because his oldest friend and rival was getting so worked up over Marie Antoinette. Still, he supposed seeing the man looking so pathetic wasn't much better.

"Don't beat yourself up." He said simply, "Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember when Nitocris asked me to be part of her couples costume for the Halloween party?"

At that Mozart turned his head slightly, just enough to look at his friend across the black surface he was leaning on, making the curls in his hair stick up at odd angles. "Didn't you thank her, or something?" He asked innocently.

Mozart then jumped at the sudden sound of multiple keys being stuck, rather harshly, at once. Antonio had brought his forehead down right in the middle of the key slip. Once the unstructured noise had finished echoing around the room, Antonio let out a groan of his own. "I thanked her." He moaned into the ivories.


	28. Making my way downtown, trotting fast

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, animefan0126, DeamonRaily, DvmN, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Animean0216, DvmN, Jysrin, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, Fall2Glory and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And as always, special thanks to DemonRaily and Fall2Glory for their reviews of last chapter.**

* * *

Fiore didn't know why she was feeling like this. She watched from her window seat as her brother walked out the castle gates and in the direction of town with Berserker, he walked beside her, doing his best to hold a one sided conversation while scratching his head awkwardly.

 _"_ You have no idea what you've got brother." Fiore muttered under her breath. She was alone in her study, having pushed herself out of her wheelchair so she sat with her legs spread across the cushioned seat, with her favourite book in her lap. The mage had contentedly spent many an evening like this so she didn't know why these feelings were suddenly bubbling up now.

Of course there were the obvious reasons. Moving one hand from the pages of her book, she dug her nails into the skin of her outer thigh, eliciting no sensation.

Fiore sighed and allowed herself to have one moment of weakness while she was out of view from everyone else. "What I wouldn't give." She whispered.

There was a knock at the door to pull Fiore out of her thoughts, she promptly straightened her back and tried to make it look like she had in fact been reading her book all this time before calling for the person on the other side of the door to enter.

She'd been expecting one of the homunculus , so she was more than a little surprised when Chiron stepped across the threshold. Given his height he had to hunch over a little to get under the archway, and there was something about the way his body moved when he rose back up to his full height that caught Fiore's attention. Servants' bodies weren't really living biological matter, not entirely corporeal either, it made for something different from humans in the ways that they moved.

While Fiore was caught up in her analysis Chiron was smiling at her, "Now surely this can't be right."

Fiore merely quirked an eyebrow in lieu of response.

"The rest of the Black Faction is out enjoying themselves yet the lady of the house is coped up in her study?"

Fiore chuckled at the tone he was using, "I'm reading about love and adventure Chiron, what more could a girl want?" She held up her book for emphasis.

Chiron's expression took on a more serious edge. "Master, the war will begin any day now, and given the double nature of this Holy Grail War, the fighting is likely to go on for a much longer time than any of us estimate." He spoke with the millennia of experience expected of his legend, "These last few days of calm before the storm are something you are going to long for when you are struggling for breath between assaults, you should enjoy this time while it lasts."

Fiore took a moment to let his words sink in, looking down at the book in her hands, the edges of the jacket well worn from years of being held, then sliding her eyes to the window, to the setting sun of the evening which would soon turn to the shroud of night that would become her families battle field.

"I understand what you're saying, I really do. But Trifas is a rural place, which is to say there aren't many places subscribing to wheelchair access, so there isn't really much in the way of the night life I can enjoy."

At that, Chiron kneeled down in front of his Master and actually smirked. "In that case, I may have a suggestion."

When Fiore's father was instructing her and Caules in Magecraft he taught them that there was more to being a mage than just what you knew, it was the way you acted. Or more acuratley as it sometimes felt, it was how you _didn't_ act. There was a long laundrey list of things mages never did.

Mages never revealed there hands, they never consorted with enemies of the family, they never allowed the weakness of emotion to interfere with their work, they did not get flustered. Mages did not blush.

So when Chiron lifted Fiore up bridal style and carried her downstairs to the waiting car (her spare wheelchair folded up in the back) her face felt warmer and there was a slight increase in the pigment of her cheeks, but she did not blush. That would be... undignified.

XXX

It turned out that Chiron's suggestion was a small cafe hole in the wall cafe, with an all outside seating area. He'd apparently discovered it when Astolfo had dragged him into town along on one of the Rider's many jaunts. It was nice place, with the kind of rustic, calming atmosphere that this area of Romania just seemed to breathe.

And Fiore had to admit the whole situation was making her very happy she left the house.

The brunette girl giggled at the Archer sitting across from her, "I must admit I never would have pegged you as the type to be a fan of frozen yogurt."

The man who was usually a centaur let the spoonful of frozen desert melt on his tongue before responding, "Rider said a similar thing, though I think his comment was more rooted in his inability to understand how anyone could prefer it to ice cream."

Fiore just managed to stop herself from snorting in laughter, "And? Why do you prefer it?"

Chiron took a minute to formulate a proper answer, "It... has a certain charm." He admitted slowly, "There's just something so human about taking something great and ruining it just a little so you can have more."

At that Fiore did snort in laughter, promptly covering the lower half of her face with her hand she nodded, "Yes, that is a very human thing to do."


	29. Uncle Vlad

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, animefan0126, DeamonRaily, DvmN, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Animean0216, DvmN, Jysrin, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, Fall2Glory and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **Back on home soil and ready to crawl back into the void of the internet! Hello again my lovely readers ~**

* * *

Vlad Tepes the Third was a demon. This was the reputation that was he held amongst the people outside of his country. He could care less about that. He was king of Romania, his people were the only things that concerned him. Admittedly even amongst some of them there were whispered conversations about his unrestrained opinions and detached mannerisms, but it was agreed upon by all his subjects that he was a good king to them, and to Vlad that was all that mattered.

Of course there were things about their king that they didn't know.

The Romanian ruler held two secrets to his name, both known only to one other person besides himself. The first was his own personal form of meditation, a mind centering exercise that, in his opinion, was great for dexterity of the fingers. Vlad Tepes the Third was supremely efficient in the craft of knitting. He was a dab hand at crochet and other home crafts too but knitting was his favourite for relaxing after a long day of warring with the Turks. The various scarves and sweaters he made were usually gifted to the person aware of his first secret, who was also the focus of his second secret.

The second secret was the doting love he had for his niece Elizabeth Bathory. Elizabeth was noble, high-handed, a dreamer, sometimes timid. Something of a merciless sadist but in the world they lived in sometimes you had to be cruel.

Elizabeth had made herself at home in Romania a few years ago, and as it stood she was the sole reason Vlad hadn't abandoned the concept of family.

The two of them had a standing appointment every Wednesday, to meet in Elizabeth's favourite parlour room in the castle and have afternoon tea. As one might be able to tell from the way she dressed, Elizabeth was not a believer in 'less is more'. She was a noblewoman from birth and probably had never been introduced to the saying.

She always had the table set with a table cloth made of rich fabric, the tea would be some new exotic blend that he 'just had to try', and of course the tier of multicoloured pastries.

When Vlad entered the parlour that afternoon, Elizabeth was straightening out the cutlery on the table. She was wearing one of her layered white and pink dresses that showed off the spiked boots she was so fond of.

"Good afternoon Elizabeth." He greeted her, at the sound of his voice she spun around to meet his eyes, offering a smile to match his own and a small formal curtsy, "Make anyone cry today?"

"Sadly no," she responded as the two of them took their seats, "but it is only 4:30." She amended in a promising tone.


	30. WHSA

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, animefan0126, DeamonRaily, DvmN, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, DoctorWhotaku, Ryu Flemming, Scribe for the Lonely, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Animean0216, DvmN, Jysrin, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, Fall2Glory, DoctorWhotaku, Raikiri's Edge, Ryu Flemming, Scribe for the Lonely, and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And as usual thank you to Wolf Strife for the two reviews on my previous chapters, and Awayuki for their review on the previous chapter.**

* * *

The Women's Heroic Spirit Association of Chaldea, or the WHSA if you prefer, had allocated a meeting room in the west wing of the building for their annual meetings, and today was ared hot topic!

"What?! You mean we're out of money already?" Whined the WHSA chairwoman Elizabeth Bathory.

"Yes, I'm afraid we've used all of the funds for this quarter." Explained vice chairwoman Da Vinci.

The pink haired Lancer Servant practically lunged across her desk to point her finger accusingly at the rest of the women in the room, "I can't believe you people are such spend-thrifts!"

"You're the one who used up most of the funds!" Da Vinci shouted back before flopping back into her chair and regaining her composure with a tired sigh. "Now then," she addressed to the room, "We've decided to sell some candid photos of famous people to raise some cash. In the human world professional photographers called 'paparazzi' go out and make big money doing this."

Da Vinci stood up, taking a hold of her staff, she felt the eyes of every Heroic Spirit in the room on her, waiting in rapt attention for her to continue, "So we shall photograph the stars of every class!" The inventor announced.

There were gasps and outright exclamations of "What?!" All around the room, but Da Vinci silenced them by bringing the butt of her staff down on the floor. "Dismissed!" She ordered.

 **::::::**

Ozymandias sat in his chambers, he rested his cheek against one fist while his mind and eyes were occupied with tablet in his other hand, his deep contemplation was interrupted however when a trap door he hadn't been aware of being installed in his floor popped open to reveal Nitocris and Frankenstein, the latter of which was holding up a flashbulb camera.

While the Berserker was holding the device almost expertly as they snapped picture after picture of Ozymandias, they seemed to be struggling with the instruction for him to smile.

"Chrr. Chrr." She groaned.

"No, it's 'cheese' Fran." the priestess whispered to her ally.

Ozymandias looked down at the two of them with a nonplussed if slightly confused expression, he didn't even blink as the flash from the camera light up his face with each picture taken.

Once the two had apparently gotten what they came for, Nitocris grabbed Fran by the arm, pulling her out from the trap door and making a break for the door.

"Run for it!" The purple haired servant urged her friend as the two picked up speed across the long floor of Ozymandias' personal quarters.

Still seated in his throne, the only move the king of kings made was to lift up his hand to snap his fingers. "Capture them." He ordered simply as he summoned his sphinx into existence.

The winged creature pounced onto the backs of the two women just as they were in reach of the door, pinning them to the ground. Ozymandias rose from his throne, picking up one of the swords he hung from the wall. "I have no idea what you two are up to." He informed the intruders, only one of which was squirming in an attempt to get free, "But I assure you, you guaranteed your defeat the moment you choose me as your target." He said, as he stood in front of them, pointing the sword towards their faces.

 **Subject: Rider Class**

 **Status: Failure**

 **::::::**

In the gardens Merlin finished tending to the newly sprung buds on his favourite potted plants, he wiped at his brow with the sleeve of his robe, his hands covered in dirt from the past hour of gardening.

The wizard sucked in a deep breath, "Guess I've earned myself a cup of tea." He said to himself, dropping his arm back to his side and turning to walk back into the building. But before he could put one foot in front of the other he found himself being pinned against the nearest wall by a series of throwing knives.

"Huh? Wh-what's going on?" He exclaimed in confusion, looking at weapons trapping him.

The leaves on one of the large trees above his head began to rustle as Hassan of Serenity and Saber Lily dropped from its branches and onto the ground in front of him.

"Hassan? Lily?!" The wizard was more shocked to see the younger version of his kings candidate, who was laughing nervously while holding a old fashioned film camera to her chest. "What is the meaning of this?" He asked in a distressed tone, looking to where he'd left his staff by the potted plants table.

Hassan of Serenity closed her eyes as she summoned another throwing knife into her hand, she fluidly moved her body into a stance that told any target she was about to pounce on them, "Sorry about this Merlin, it's nothing personal," She told him in her measured tone that betrayed nothing of her intentions for the Britanian, "But I must do this!" With that she leaped towards him, knife first.

Other Servants in the nearby area thought they heard something that sounded like a startled scream.

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" Saber Lily apologised profusely while simultaneously taking shots from as many angles as she thought the calendar would like.

Merlin thought of the knights of the round table and their rules about keeping pride in the face of the enemy, so he did his best not to shudder or flinch when Hassan used her knife to slice open his robe leaving his torso bare and exposed. Only for Lily to start taking pictures of him.

Hassan was still in a striking stance at Lily's side, "Should I take his pants too?" She asked, sounding completely uninterested.

"NO!" Merlin shrieked, giving up on pride in the face of the enemy, "Stop!"

 **Subject: Caster Class**

 **Status: Success**

 **::::::**

Back in the meeting room Oda Nobunaga stood in front of the white board, Medea Lily sat in the fold out chair, watching the Archer write their 'targets' name in dry marker. Okita Souji.

"Since you don't know Captain Souji I shall describe her features for you." Oda expalined to the violet haired Caster. "Her arms and legs are long, muscular pale skinned and absolutely beautiful."

In Medea Lily's mind she thought up an anatomy model, with this bit of description she changed it to a female figure, lengthened the limbs and lightened the skin colour.

"She has short blonde hair and disc like yellow eyes that shine like the sun." Oda continued, writing each of these features on the board, seemingly becoming lost in her picturing of the blonde.

In Medea's mind the anatomy models became covered head to toe in hair, like some kind of blonde werewolf, with yellow slanted eyes, the figure in her mind hunched down on all fours and began running around the white canvas in her head like an animal.

 _She's a monster!_ Medea Lily squeaked in her head.

 **::::::**

The waterfalls that Okita liked to use for training were rushing at full force. The blonde was tying the sash around her white robe, stepping into the water so that she could sit on the rock directly under the waterfall.

"C-Captain Souji?" A voice from behind her stammered out, Okita turned around to face the Servant she recognised as Medea Lily, but today, instead of holding her usual staff the girl was tightly clutching a sheet of white card and a black felt tip pen.

"My name is Medea of Colchis, I'm a servant of the Caster class and I've always been a dedicated fan of yours, please sign this!" The girl shot the words out in one rapid fire breath, clenching her eyes shut she thrust the card and pen towards Okita.

Meanwhile Oda was concealed in the tree's to their left, her body spread out on one of the branches, holding the camera just out of the foliage, waiting for the money shot.

Okita closed her eyes serenely, taking the pen from Medea's grasp, the Saber wedged the nail of her thumb just under the pens cap and began applying pressure. "Oh, okay." The blonde answered, "How would you like me to sign?"

Before Medea could answer that question Okita flicked her thumb upward pushing the lid off the pen, only the blonde servant did it with such force that the pen lid rocketed away fom the pen and into the tree line, there was a resounding "Oww!" followed by an "Ahh!" as the pen lid flew into Oda's eye, causing her to reel backwards and lose her balance on the branch, effectively knocking her out of the tree line.

The Demon Archer lay prone on her back, rubbing at her injured eye while the camera lay smashed by the tree trunk. It wasn't until the shadow of Okita Souji was looming over Oda and she felt the pressure of the other womans magical energy that every hair in her body stood on end.

"You'd have to live another thousand years to outsamrt me." Okita stated, her glare as sharp as the blade she wielded.

Forgotten by the Saber, Medea fell backwards onto the ground and felt glued there as she sat in wide eyed horror, staring at what happened next.

"No, please Okita! No more! Stop!" But Oda's please went unanswered.

 **Subject: Saber Class**

 **Status: Failure**

 **::::::**

The door to the lounge area was closed, the red warrior rapped on it twice before announcing himself.

"It's Archer Emiya and Cu Chulainn." There was no immediate response so he slid the door open, the blue haired Celtic hero not far behind him. Archer however stopped in his tracks when his eyes were assaulted by a bright flash. Lounging on one of the particularly plush sofa's, her arms perched over its back was Ishtar, idly holding a digital camera in one hand.

"This is perfect." The Babylonian goddess smiled at the two heroes standing in front of her. "I need you two to model for me."

At this request Archer grimaced, while he did his best to be cordial with the goddess for the sake of their masters he still hadn't quite come to terms with having the deity possessing Rin's body. Cu Chulainn on the other hand smiled at the request, he had come to terms with it more easily, while he'd been disheartened as Archer was to find that Ishtar wasn't the "little lady" he remembered, apparently making the acquaintance beautiful women was part of his nature.

"Good now hold it!" Ishtar commanded as she snapped pictures of the red and blue warriors in each position she directed them into, at first it was simple things, the two of them standing side by side with their arms folded, Lancer slinging his arm over Archer's shoulder, Archer promptly punching Lancer in the face.

Then Ishtar in all her divine wisdom decided that the success of her little photo shoot was conductive to how much clothes the two men were wearing, Archer had tried to be adamant about only shedding his coat, Lancer willing stripped of his top layer, showing off the red tattoo's circling his bicep. But Ishtar must have some sort of ability none of them were aware of, because the two soon found themselves being photographed in just enough articles of clothing to leave something the imagination.

All the time Ishtar threw them 'compliments' like "Very nice, just like that, you're both so manly."

"Now," the goddess raised her hands to little that the two men were still wearing, "let's get those off too~"

Lancer having finally reached his breaking point followed Archer in his attempt to make a run for it. They just barely made it. But not before Ishtar got pictures of them on their way out.

 **::::::**

"So? What do you think?" Ishtar asked, handing her developed photos over to Da Vinci, "Great shots huh?" the goddess winked.

Ishtar spoke, completely ignoring the shade of red Da Vinci's face was turning, "Are you trying to get us arrested?!" The genius exploded.

 **Subject: Archer & Lancer Class**

 **Status:? ? ?**

 **::::::**

Da Vinci looked down at her desk with a forlorn expression, spread across the desk's surface were all the failed attempts at pictures all the WHSA members had turned in. "It's bad enough that we didn't get any good pictures, but we used the last of our money buying the film."

"Don't worry Ms. Da Vinci." Came a hopeful voice from the doorway, Da Vinci looked up to see Mash running through the door.

"Mash? I thought you were on a mission?" Da Vinci asked, seeing the Demi Servants slightly winded face.

"I just got back, but I heard about your calendar before I left so I got some pictures while in the last singularity." Mash explained, handing a small pile of Polaroids over to the brunette.

"Are you serious?" Da Vinci asked, the slightest bit of hope flickering into her heart.

"Well, technically Jack took the pictures, I just provided them cover while they got the shots." Mash laughed nervously.

Da Vinci's expression flattened immediately, it was quite apparent who had taken these pictures if by nothing else than the crudely written 'names' at the bottom of each photo;

'Mud Friend' for a picture of Enkidu, half the frame of the image was taken up by a black bar that Da Vinci assumed was Mash's shield.

'Noodle Boy' for a picture of Karna, or rather a picture of a small Karna like speck amongst an explosion.

'Clone' for a picture of the back of Arturia's hair.

'Frown Lines' for a picture of Waver Velvet, a knife alarmingly also present in the frame.

The next one Da Vinci thought might have been a picture of Jeanne but it was covered in a lot of angry scribbling.

'Drunk' on a blurry shot of Ibaraki Doji.

'Not as good as me' for a picture Fuma Kotaro that seemed to have been taken from directly above the man.

The final shot didn't have a name so much as what Da Vinci was guessing was a comment from the Assassin Servant, it was a photo of Tommamo no Mae, she was lying face down on the ground, a large pool of what Da Vinci felt she could safely assume was the kitsune's blood circling the body as various unidentifiable weapons stuck out of her back like quills of a porcupine. The writting at the bottom simply said 'Funny'.

Da Vinci stared at the new pictures with a truely empty look in her eyes. Maybe they should have just done a bake sale.


	31. Hangover&The not-family part 3(request)

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, animefan0126, DeamonRaily, DvmN, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, DoctorWhotaku, Ryu Flemming, Scribe for the Lonely, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Animean0216, DvmN, Jysrin, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, Fall2Glory, DoctorWhotaku, Raikiri's Edge, Ryu Flemming, Scribe for the Lonely, and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And as usual thank you to Awayuki, Wolf Strife, Fall2Glory, Worldbringer of Joseun, and rc48177 for their reviews. x**

 **Awayuki: Last chapter was based of a Bleach omake, and I think it's meant to be a inversion of the calendar girls trope.**

 **Fall2Glory: Medb would have been completely on board with photographing Cu, he on the other hand would have been a little less willing to take his shirt off (totally just his shirt) for her. Also Medb is currently scheming of ways to overthrow Elizabeth and take her place as chair woman.**

 **This chapter is coming at the request of Wolf Strife, and you know... for what is supposed to just be a series of drabbles I think I've unintentionally created my own continuity, maybe I should just rename all these chapters the wedding saga?**

 **Eh, anyway, ON WITH THE CHAPTER!**

* * *

Whatever your thoughts or opinions are on the royal family, you have to admit, everybody loves a royal wedding.

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon had never been so decorated or populated. Flower wreathes were arranged on every wall and festive veils and ribbons were stung up between posts and building tops to create a canopy effect. The wedding guests milled through the streets, mostly remaining either in the court yard outside the temple where the reception was mainly taking place.

The wedding between the former Ruler Servant, Shirou Amakusa and the Empress of Asyria Empress of Asyria had been a talking point amongst the mage community and their servants, the guest list had been extensive enough that Semiramis had to employ her Noble Phantasm to host them all (which may or may not have been her plan).

An invisible orchestra played a beautiful Sumerian melody that drifted along the air, a in the centre of the court yard, a sort of dance floor had been formed.

And it was on the stone steps near this dance floor that Saber plonked herself down with a groan.

"Date's going well then?" Rin asked the king of knights.

The group of girls that had made their temporary base on the stone steps, Saber noticed, included Rin, Luvia and Ilya. Saber life locked tired eyes with Rin, "Please don't call it that?"

The blonde looked across the court to spot the golden hair of Gilgamesh standing next to Karna, who was probably the safest person for him to be talking to. A week before the wedding, Kirei had approached Saber and asked the lion king to escort Gilgamesh to the wedding under the pretence of a date.

 _"Based off their last few interactions there is a good chance that he will say the wrong thing to the wrong person, namely Semiramis, and at best get punched." The priest had said "He in turn will launch a counter attack that will escalate the situation until, at worst, an international incident has been triggered. So I need you to keep an eye on him and keep that from happening, can I rely on you?"_

 _"Of course." Saber agreed immediately, "I'd love to see Gilgamesh get punched."_

 _"Try again." Shirou suggested from where he stood beside her._

 _"I will... stop Gilgamesh from getting punched."_

 _"Thank you, truly." Kirei bowed his head._

Saber was about to make another comment when she noticed the other three girls all had their eyes fixed on the same target. Saber slid her gaze to where the others were looking, and found Shirou and Angelica spinning around the dance floor in a waltz. Saber sighed again for new reasons.

"I still don't know what he see's in her." Luvia pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

Illya pouted in agreement, "She might not be an enemy anymore but that doesn't mean she's a good match for my brother."

Saber squared her shoulders and prepared to repeat the same speech she had given Ilya before about having to respect her elder siblings choices, and... well she had nothing to say to Luvia really, she wasn't a babysitter. Or at least she didn't want that to be her role.

"Really ladies, let's not disgrace ourselves by treading old ground." Rin said in a bored tone, as she rose from her seat on the steps, smoothing down the red fabric of her dress as she did so. "We are esteemed mages, not a group of preschoolers sitting at the back of the class room, gossiping about someone they don't like."

Looking up at the gem magus, Saber felt a swell of gratitude, that is until Rin continued.

"Just sitting around talking isn't going to do anything. If we want to split those two up, we need to take action!" Rin announced as she began marching down towards the dance floor.

"Rin, please don't." Saber pleaded, but didn't move from her spot.

"Don't get me wrong, normally I wouldn't get involved in these kind of matters, fools in love aren't really my area of concern... however," Rin slid her eyes over to the dance floor, where Shirou and Angelica had stopped dancing and were now exchanging brief wors before splitting up, Shirou heading in the direction of the buffet table. "In this cse the fool in question is not only my student, but also, for better or worse, the love of my sisters life. So I can't exactly just sit by and do nothing."

With a turn of her heel Rin looked away from her group and made her way towards where Angelica was now standing by herself.

A cloud of despair was slowly forming over Saber's head, she'd swallowed her pride and bit down on her tongue, agreeing to accompanying Gilgamesh under the reasoning that she was helping to prevent conflict by doing so. And now it seemed one was going to happen regardless.

All three women watched in silence from their seats as Rin tapped Angelica on the shoulder and the two began talking. They were too far away to hear what Rin and Angelica were saying, but Sabr could still recognise Rin's body language, the straight posture of making her case, the tensing of her shoulders that showed she was arguing. Angelica had always been harder to read, her posture was still as a statue, except for when she raised her arm and placed her hand along the neckline of her dress.

(Unknown to Saber... and basically everyone else, was that Angelica had tucked her Archer class card into the lining of her dress, and in that moment, in lieu of answering Rin verbally, the blonde pulled the card out just enough for Rin to see it.)

From Saber's view point all she could make out after that was a huge shiver running up Rin's body, and then the ravenette's palour becoming incredibly pale.

Rin spun around and stiffly marched back towards the steps, taking her seat in the exact same spot, her head lowered enough that her fringe shadowed her eyes the whole time.

Saber, Luvia and Ilya all looked at Rin expectantly, but it was a good two minutes before the Toshaka spoke.

"I-It's really not our place to get involved." Was all she said.


	32. Unlimited Pipe-Dream Works

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, animefan0126, DeamonRaily, DvmN, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Master49, Luke1987, Savagekidd, Scribe for the lonely, Server lock, Silly-Scare-Crow, UCCMaster, freechimchangas, rc48177, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, DoctorWhotaku, Ryu Flemming, Scribe for the Lonely, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Animean0216, DvmN, Jysrin, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, Fall2Glory, DoctorWhotaku, Raikiri's Edge, Ryu Flemming, Server lock, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, freechimchangas, rc48177, Scribe for the Lonely, and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife for their review on the previous chapter (I'm glad you enjoyed it), Jesus-The-Devil for being as big a Bleach Abridged fan as I am, Awayuki and to cricketsnothollow for their last blast of reviews.**

 **Awayuki: My country doesn't have the FGO app either, I feel you.**

 **This chapter is going out to Jesus-The-Devil... man that feels weird to say.**

* * *

Shirou stood alone that night. No Rin, no Saber, just him vs Gilgamesh.

The golden Archer looked down on him from the rooftop, the look in his eyes was the essence of disdain.

"So you dare face me again mongrel?" Gilgamesh called out from above, "Here's hoping you hyperboliced the fuck out of yourself, because your about to get crushed."

The golden circles of the gates of Babylon opened up behind him, and the blades of various weapons slowly sank out, ready to fire.

Clenching his fists and feeling the prana of Rin's magic crest pulsing through his body, Shirou didn't flinch in the face of the King of Heroes. He stood tall, like a hero of justice would.

"I'm going to give you one chance here Gilgamesh, so think about how you want to answer this question." Shirou shouted out. "Do you want to sit down. And talk this bitch out."

A cheshire grin slithered onto Gilgamesh's face as the Archer replied, "I'm gonna use your skull, as a beer mug."

Shirou let out a sigh as he squared off his shoulders, so much for diplomacy. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Blue lines light up along his skin, magical energy sparking like lightning as Shirou raised hi arms,

"I am the bone of my sword.

Steel is my body and fire is my blood.

I have created thousands of blades."

The air around them rippled as the world reshaped itself into the barren and metallic landscape of Shirou's reality marbel.

"What?!" Gilgamesh howled at the sight, as he found himself suddenly on the ground, level with Shirou.

"No time to explain, got say the whole thing!" Shirou spat out as quickly as he could, the magical energy burning up inside him.

"Unaware of loss,

Nor aware of gain.

Withstood pain to create weapons, waiting for one's arrival."

The clockwork gears appeared in the sky and an armada of swords materialized into existence at Shirou's will, all pointing at Gilgamesh.

"What?!" Gilgamesh rioted.

"No time to explain!" Shirou grunted. Struggling to get to the end of his incantation.

"I have no regrets. This is the only path.

My whole life was-"

A dozen of the swords above Shirou launched themselves at Gilgamesh, the Babylonian hero only managing to deflect them with his Gate of Babylon at the last second, much to his own shock.

"Unlimited Blade Works!"

Shirou screamed out his battle cry as he charged towards Gilgamesh, his own copies of Kanshou and Bakuya in his hands. Once he was in close enough range, Shirou sprang off the ground and swung one of the swords down onto Gilgamesh's head with all the strength in his body.

Only for the Chains of Heaven to appear from one of the gates Gilgamesh had opened directly above Shirou, the spike shooting out at inhuman speeds, striking Kanshou on the center of the blade, shattering it into pieces. Time seemed to slow down for just a minute, as the metal fragments floated through the air, Shirou and Gilgamesh connected gazes.

Gilgamesh recovered from his moment of shock, a manic kind of glee breaking out across his features as he launched a barrage of weapons at the red head. Shirou was bale to jump back and block the weapons with his own swords by the skin of his teeth.

Gilgamesh raised his arm, like he was signaling an army, opening a hundred more gates in the air around him.

"I'm going to murder you Shirou Emiya." The golden hero promised.

"I completely believe you." Shirou panted out.


	33. Musical Therapy

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, animefan0126, DeamonRaily, DvmN, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Master49, Luke1987, Savagekidd, Scribe for the lonely, Server lock, Silly-Scare-Crow, UCCMaster, freechimchangas, rc48177, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, DoctorWhotaku, Ryu Flemming, Scribe for the Lonely, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Animean0216, DvmN, Jysrin, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, Fall2Glory, DoctorWhotaku, Raikiri's Edge, Ryu Flemming, Server lock, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, freechimchangas, rc48177, Scribe for the Lonely, and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Fall2Glory, rc48177, Wolf Strife and Awayuki for their reviews of last chapter.**

* * *

It was no big shock that nearly every Servant could be counted as a tragic figure, why else would they be fighting for the Holy Grail?

This made for less than ideal conditions when it came to them forming interpersonal relationships though. This lead to the founding of many support groups and therapeutic activities being offered in Chaldea. There was equestrian therapy with Chiron, Scathach routinely rented out one of the versions of Cu Chulainn as therapy dogs (no one thought Medb needed the therapy yet she seemed to be the most frequent customer), and of course there was Sherlock Holmes offering psychoanalysis to any who felt like being subjecting themselves to his analytical gaze.

And then there was Nero, who kindly deployed her golden theater for use of the musical therapy group. The Red Saber of course graced the people who subscribed to this type of therapy with her own musical genius, her particular favourite being in the form of giving singing lessons. This lead to today's events, where Nero was conducting the invisible orchestra to play a happy score while Tamamo no Mae was up on stage.

"Just feel the music!" Nero called out, "Let the melody sweep you away from your inhibitions and sing!"

"Sing what?" The nine tailed fox asked skeptically.

"Whatever is inside you!"

"Are you serious?"

"Umu!"

Tamamo rolled her eyes but nerver the less was determined to give it a try, she swayed back and forth, tying to 'feel the music' as the Emperor had put it. Listening carefully she heard the time for a song to begin,

"I'm kinda pretty,

and pretty damn smart."

"You are!" Nero cheered from where she stood at the conductors stand.

"Thanks!" Tamamo replied.

"I like romantic things,

like music and art.

And as you know I have a gigantic heart,

So why~"

Tamamo stretched out the syllables of the last word, and in that split second a strange feeling came over her, like her heart broke open at the sound of the triangle, and the music itself possessed her body forcing her to pour all that had been locked inside out to the rest of the golden theater.

"Don't I have a boyfriend?"

Realising what she had just said Tamamo clenched her fists in mortification. Just blurting out your feelings like that, what kind of empress does that?

"Fuck!" The fox blurted out, then realising that random swears were even worse than proclamations of romantic dissatisfaction, Tamamo slumped to her knees, a small cloud of depression forming over her head.

"It sucks to be me~"

* * *

 **Show some love to your lovely dependable fox shrine maiden in the comments, if you have any Tamamo ships let me know in your review. :)**


	34. Covert Operations

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, animefan0126, DeamonRaily, DvmN, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Master49, Luke1987, Savagekidd, Scribe for the lonely, Server lock, Silly-Scare-Crow, UCCMaster, freechimchangas, rc48177, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, DoctorWhotaku, Ryu Flemming, Scribe for the Lonely, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Animean0216, DvmN, Jysrin, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, Fall2Glory, DoctorWhotaku, Raikiri's Edge, Ryu Flemming, Server lock, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, freechimchangas, rc48177, Scribe for the Lonely, and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Worldbringer of Joseun, Server lock, Fall2Glory, Awayuki, and Wolf Strife for their reviews of last chapter.**

 **Now I have a bit of a surprise for you all, this story is getting really close to 100 reviews, which is going to be a real landmark for me, since we're on 98 reviews now I imagine this chapter should be able to get this little nonsense story to those sweet triple digits. And if my estimation proves true then I will have a special announcement at the end of next chapter.**

* * *

This singularity was a nightmare. The ground was blanketed in ash and ruble, buildings were in ruin, things were on fire, and the sheer amount of disaster in the air made it hard to breathe. But Gudako knew she they had to keep going. The red haired master rode with Lancer Artoria on the kings white horse, the rest of the Servants she'd brought were currently in spirit form to preserve mana. The white steed crested a hill and a building more in tact than the others came into view.

Artoria yanked on the horse's reigns, pulling it to a stop, Gudako leapt off the horse and looked ahead of her, she could sense the unique energy of a Demi-Servant in that building, which meant that was where Ritsuka and Mash were. Gudako summoned the rest of her team into their physical forms.

Lancer Artoria, Caster Gilgamesh, Ozymandius, Enkidu and Anastasia. Maybe not the most balanced team she could have selected, but hey she'd been in a hurry.

"Alright everyone!" The Master announced to her Servants, "Ritsuka and Mash are pinned down by enemies in that building. Ritsuka has lost all of his Servants except for Mash," Gudako winced a little as she said that, even though she knew any Servants that 'died' in a Singularity would just re-spawn in Chaldea later it didn't really take the sting of watching them get cut down in front of you. "Which means he only has her shield for protection. We need to get in there now, but the numbers are bound to be against us so we need to be smart."

"Wise words Master." Caster Gilgamesh stated stepping forward and drawing the attention of the other Servants, "Fortunately I have a prepared strategy that will fit this situation perfectly."

"You do?" Gudako asked a tad doubtfully, while much... calmer than his Archer counterpart, a Gilgamesh was still a Gilgamesh, they weren't exactly well known for being the type to think things out.

The Caster smirked, folding his arms over his chest, "Indeed. It is worthy of being called a piece of military genius! And as such once we begin this operation we will be using code names, you may address me as Eagle one." He informed the group sticking a thumb to his chest.

He began walking around the informal cluster everyone had assembled in, "Enkidu, code name: 'Been there, done that'." He and Enkidu high-fived as Gilgamesh passed him.

"Artoria's code name: 'Currently doing that'." He patted the Lion Kings white horse on its flank.

Artoria rolled her eyes but otherwise looked unaffected, "It was one time." She muttered.

"Anastasia's code name: 'It happened once in a dream'." The Russian princess gave the Babylonian king a withering glare, pulling her Viy close to her chest.

Planting himself directly in front of Ozymandias, the king of heroes and the king of kings stared at each other wordlessly for a minute before either made any form of communication, par for the course for those two. Gilgamesh then turned away, speaking with out looking at the Egyptian Servant, "Ozymandius' code name: 'If I had to pick a faker'."

Ozymadias let out a bark of laughter, showing more amusement than offense from that remark.

"And Master will be," he looked down on the young mage with a pondering expression, as if the name he'd already had in mind wouldn't quite fit.

Gudako did her best not to swallow and simply meet his red eyes with her hazel-gold ones.

Gilgamesh drew his eyebrows together before nodding his head curtly, "Eagle two."

Waiting until Gilgamesh wasn't looking at her anymore, turning to the rest of the Servants to further explain his plan, Gudako let out a sigh.

"Oh thank gods." She said under her breath.


	35. Gentleman prefer platinum blondes

**I do not own any of the fate franchise or it's characters.**

 **Thanks to Lehw, BoeJackMan, Matze96, Wolf Strife, njhnaruto, skfju, TotallyNotKyle, LORDCOMMANDERORION, Ochasde, The man who inherited madness, kagemoto, XR3827, evilite99, ktorr16, AkatsukinoRuby, Lancelot Du Loc, Ilaw, Kairu54, DarkVulpine, Jubzy650, Soggy Biscuits, TiorVanRask, UCCMaster, jelkojunpei, Frozin Joker, Ms. AtomicBomb, 111segasonic, Boom1011, Yogwind, Fall2Glory, james2031, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, Tomster627, ALPHILIUS, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, LokkItsADoggy, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Rotciv 557, animefan0126, DeamonRaily, DvmN, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Master49, Luke1987, Savagekidd, Scribe for the lonely, Server lock, Silly-Scare-Crow, UCCMaster, freechimchangas, rc48177, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, DoctorWhotaku, Ryu Flemming, Scribe for the Lonely, Viny stark, aheeluu, rstbm, prismprison, Eiskalle1 and sbkleman for following**

 **And to** **Lehw, BoeJackMan, Wolf Strife, I'm a guest, Eiskalle1, Dinobot14, Jubzy650, AkatsukinoRuby, CombustibleHamster, Raikaz1210, BoeJackman, Lehw, TheKwingDoctor, ALPHILUS, Kairu Kagemori, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, rstbm, shadowbird852, vinystark, The man who inherited madness, neutral247, gentleman genocide machine, kagemoto, ktorr16, Coppa-Cola, Soggy Biscuits, jelkojunpei, Animean0216, DvmN, Jysrin, KisekiMa, S3vEn, Severa035, Worldbringer of Joseun, kazuakisama, Fall2Glory, DoctorWhotaku, Raikiri's Edge, Ryu Flemming, Server lock, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, freechimchangas, rc48177, Scribe for the Lonely, and skfju for** **favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to rc48177, Fall2Glory, and Awayuki for their reviews of last chapter.**

* * *

Brynhildr twisted the fabric of her silk scarf around her clenched fingers as she sang. The spotlight hitting all the sequins of her dress made her shine like she was emanating stars from her seat on the lid of the grand piano.

The club was just like any other she'd sung in, low lights, warm in the way only a space packed tight with other bodies could be, and a thin veil of cigar smoke hanging in the air. It was nothing she hadn't seen before, it wasn't even the first time she'd sung while her heart was breaking inside her chest.

 _"I'm through with love,_

 _I'll never fall again,_

 _Said adieu to love,_

 _Don't ever call again,_

 _For I must have you or no one,_

 _And so I'm through with love."_

Why did she let these kind of things happen to herself? Sure Brynhildr joked about life always handing her the fuzzy end of the lollipop but there were only so many times you could play to the tune of being wronged before you started to think that perhaps you could have been just a little bit smarter, said no to the lollipop all together even if it was being offered to you by the most beautiful face you'd ever seen.

His name was Sigurd. The band manager had hired him on as an unofficial bodyguard, they might have been just a jazz band but they played at enough speak easy's that a little muscle hanging around went a ways to making you feel comfortable.

 _"I've locked my heart,_

 _I'll keep my feelings here,_

 _I've stocked my heart,_

 _With icy, frigid air,_

 _And I mean to care for no one,_

 _Because I'm through with love."_

He'd treated her coldly at first, not necessarily cruel, but almost like a knight tending to his lady in waiting, he planned to do his duty and nothing more. There were only a few times that Sigurd had really gotten cross with her, once when he'd been walking her home after a show and they'd stumbled onto, and promptly got mixed up in, a bar fight, and the second was when a police raid had happened in the middle of a show, there'd been nowhere to escape so Sigurd pulled her into a closet with him, he'd yelled under his breath that she needed to be more careful, learn to watch her surroundings and defend herself better. It was because of the closet close proximity (they were pressed flush against each other) that Sigurd was able to see the reaction that warranted from Brynhildr, it was in that second of seeing her cheeks flushed her eyes glazed over and breath going slightly gasping, that he learned she was a masochist.

After that any arguments the two might have had ended up with them tumbling into bed. Brynhildr felt immeasurably happy lying on Sigurd's chest, his fingers running the length of her spine while thin hotel blankets twisted around their bodies. It had been pure bliss.

He'd told her about how he'd been on the wrong side of the tracks his whole life, working often with his current partner, a sharp shooter named Robin, and how he never regretted his life choices when he thought about his cousin Siegfried who was wearing himself down to the bone in the military. She told him about all the things she'd run away from, all the bands she used to sing in, how all the men she'd fallen for before him had a habit of being good for nothing bootleggers who'd just as soon hurl a bottle at her head as smuggle it.

But Sigurd was different. Or so she'd thought.

That very night, as she'd entered her makeshift dressing room, one of the musicians had knocked on the door and handed her a letter. It said that he was sorry, that she'd never see him again, that he'd always remember her but she'd be better off forgetting about him.

 _"Why did you lead me to think you could care?_  
 _You didn't need me, you had your share_  
 _Of slaves around you to hound you and swear_  
 _With deep emotion, devotion to you."_

There was a flurry of movement as a pair of shadowed figures scurried along the wall, speaking of bootleggers, Brynhildr thought to herself. She'd seen enough of them up close to recognise them from a distance. What she didn't notice was how one of them stopped to stare at her as she sang. Brynhildr slid her eyes closed as she warbled out the final melancholy verse.

 _"Goodbye to spring and all it meant to me_  
 _It can never bring the thing that used to be_

 _For I..."_

The breath that she had let her words trail off on was stolen from her lungs as Brynhildr felt a pair of lips press against hers, the kiss was chaste, soft, and achingly familiar.

"Sigurd?" She whispered, opening her eyes to see him standing in front of her.

"None of that Brynhildr," He smiled kindly as he wiped away the tears she hadn't realised were sliding down her face, "no guy is worth it."

"Let's go!" Shouted a voice from the audience.

With one last look at each other, Sigurd bolted from the stage and disappeared into the smoke. Pressing her fingers to her lips, Brynhildr's mind spun with the events that had just transpired. Sigurd had left, but then he was back, and now he was gone again, vanishing into the dark along with those bootleggers- wait..

Gasping in surprise as the pieces all fit together in her mind, Brynhildr pushed herself off the piano and dove into the crowd, running for the door.

Outside in the street there was a truck waiting with it's engines running, you could almost here the rattling of the crates of booze that it was stacked with. There was a man with sandy coloured hair clad in green behind the drivers wheel, his hands flexed impatiently as he egged Sigurd to get in.

"Wait for me!" Brynhildr cried as she dove through the open door, crashing into Sigurd who was half way into the back seat.

"Brynhildr? What are you doing?" Sigurd asked in shock as he righted himself in his seat.

Bryhildr just laughed, locking her arms around his neck, "I told you, I'm not very bright."

Rolling his eyes and deciding this wasn't worth waiting around for, Robin reached over to slam the truck door closed and slammed the gas pedal down, forcing the truck into a screeching start.

As the truck sped its way into the night Sigurd and Brynhildr were in their own little world.

"You don't want Brynhildr, I'm a liar and a phony, a bootlegger! One of those no-good-nicks you keep running away from."

"I know, everytime." Brynhildr leaned in closer.

"Bryn, do yourself a favour, go back to where the millionaires are. Remember, the sweet end of the lollipop? Not the bottles in the face and the squeezed out tube of toothpaste!" Sigurd protested.

"That's right, lay it on, talk me out of it." Brynhildr grinned as she brought her lover in for a kiss, this one decidedly less chaste.

Looking into the review mirror, Robin saw his partner in crime locked in a loving embrace with the silver haired beauty, "Really?" he asked, "Now?"

* * *

 **Once again I'd like to say thank you to everyone whose followed my story for this long, this is a mile stone I've never reached before with anything I've written and I couldn't have done it without all you wonderful readers.**

 **Now as for my special announcement that I mentioned last chapter, some of you may remember a chapter called 'the AU I'll never write'?**

 **Well after some mulling it over I've decided to go ahead and turn that AU into a full-fleged multi chapter fic! I'm currently writing another story at the moment (feel free to check that out)and I want to focus on finishing that before I turn my attention to anything new.**

 **That being said for longer projects like this I usually find it helpful to have a beta reader, so if you are interested or know anyone who you think would be please PM me an let me know.**


	36. The last days of Mordred Pendragon

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

* * *

My name is Sir Agravain. I was one of the esteemed Knights of the Round Table, and I also only came into contact with the King because I had been hired to assassinate him by Morgan Le Fey. And then when I became aware of Lancelot and Guinevere's affair, _I_ was the one to bring it to her Highness's attention, I told her that one of her most trusted friends was betraying her trust with her wife and she believed me. In a ministry based entirely on the virtues of fealty, she gave me trust. I was not worthy of her trust and she gave it to me for free.

I don't know why I got the benefit of the doubt and Mordred didn't get any help with his. And I'm saying this because I liked the guy- 'cuz personally, I thought Mordred was a bit of a jerk-off. Actually, "fucking dick" would be more accurate. Mordred was the kind of guy- at least with me- where, one minute he's your friend, and the next minute, he's making fun of you in front of everybody. he used to say that the reason the Green Knight came to Camelot was because I had trampled over his 'fairy bush' when I wasn't paying attention during a hunt. Stuff like that. But then other times, he could be real nice, like, once when we were partnered to go into town to deal with bandits, and well, I had some problems that day- barely disarmed one guy, another almost got me from behind- but Mordred had my back, he really did, for no other reason than I was his fellow knight, and that tells me his honour was genuine. And when we got back to Camelot that night he didn't tell anyone how I'd messed up, in fact he said I did a good job, and I appreciated that. I knew Arthur knew it was bullshit, but I appreciated the gesture. I thought it showed largeness on Mordred's part.

And the thing is, Mordred was kind of a dick, but he wasn't shallow or petty. He really was pretty large. He wasn't the best, but he was far from the worst. And Arthur liked him, liked him a lot, in fact. Mordred was right up there up there in the top three with Lancelot and Merlin, who, by the way, could also be a dick sometimes too. The trick with Lancelot was: Never talk about France. The guy was crazy about France. Say something about France and forget about it! The guy would go crazy! Anyways- some people say Mordred did what he did because he was greedy. Personally, I think that's bullshit. The guy wasn't wandering around the British countryside with a bunch of ragamuffins because he was looking to get rich. Other people say that Morgan Le Fey got to him. Again, bullshit. Mordred was loyal to a fault. Obsessively loyal, even. Mordred would have taken on Morgan and her entire army, one against a thousand, if he had to, and he would have done it with relish. Other people say Mordred did it because he knew the ship was sinking and he was trying to get himself a nut to have something to fall back on.

Listen: Mordred was not a "fall-back" guy, he was one hundred percent "fall forward". And to me, that deserves some consideration. I was not fall forward. Not by a long shot. And neither were most of the others. Mordred was a dick, but he deserved better. Just one knights opinion.


	37. Sing the body electric

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife for their review last chapter.**

 **Okay so two things before you go on, one this is my first attempt at writing something... lemony, so forgive what I'm sure is some awkward writing. And two this chapter is actually based off a poem by E.E. Cummings, and anyone who knows his work will understand why some of the wording in this chapter might seem a little strange.**

* * *

"What are you thinking?" Siegfried's voice was hushed, almost husky as the words slipped from his lips along with the breath that warmed the shell of Jeanne's ear.

Lifting her face from his shoulder, Jeanne backed away just enough to look into his tanned face. The two of them were tangled together, arms and legs and hips and thighs and chests and lips, all pressing together with a feverish need to _feel_ the other. There was a mutual feeling between the saint and the dragon that they could have melted into each other like snow onto wet grass and it still wouldn't have been enough.

In life she had been known as _Jeanne la pucelle,_ Jeanne the maid. She had been a holy maiden, devoted body and soul to her god given mission, it had left no room for doubt or wanting. And she supposed that's what this was, for the first time in her life (was this still life?) she was allowed to think about herself, and ask what she wanted. And as she stared into those beautiful blue eyes, the need to put all that into eloquent wording fell away, they were far past the point of blushes and nerves.

"I like my body when it is with your body." She told him.

It is so quite new a thing, she thought, liking her body. The things her body could do, they way it felt when joined with another, muscles better and nerves more.

"I like your body." Siegfried told her, shifting her in the cradle of his lap so that she was holding his hips between her thighs. "I like what it does, I like its hows. I like to feel the spine of your body and its bones," He moved one broad hand around to her lower back and trailed his fingers up the column of the body part he'd just named, dipping his head down towards her neck, "and the trembling -firm-smoothness and which i will again and again and again," he punctuated each 'again' with a press of his lips against her jugular, "kiss."

"I like kissing this and that of you," Jeanne panted, her core temperature rising, "I like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz  
of your electric fur." She fisted her hands into a mane of silver hair.

"And what-is-it comes," Siegfried's speech was picking up the pace, matching the speed of their movements "over parting flesh…"

There was a swell of sensation, two voices cried out, and then they were both falling from a high, holding onto each other as they basked in the after glow.

"And eyes big love-crumbs." Jeanne giggled, tracing the shape of Siegfried's eyes with the very tip of her finger, to drunk on euphoria to think of a proper sentence.

In her head what she said was, _and possibly i like the thrill. O_ _f under me you so quite new._


	38. A common misconception

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife, Awayuki, Fall2Glory and KisekiMa for their review last chapter.**

* * *

In the classroom, Taiga wrote on the blackboard. She added citations and fact bubbles around the chibi frog she had drawn in chalk.

"Now an important thing to make note of is that a variety of species frogs and toads are _poisonous,_ not venomous, it's a mistake others have made before on tests." The teacher instructed her class.

The red headed boy who she thought of as a little brother raised his hand in question, "What's the difference?"

Taiga, tapped her chalk against her lip in consideration, "If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous."

Shirou kept his hand half raised, quirking his eyebrow, "What if I bite it and it dies?"

Taiga replied with a laugh, "That means you're venomous."

Ayako shot her hand up from where she sat in the back of the room, "What if it bites itself and I die?"

"That's voodoo." Rin piped up, twirling a mechanical pencil between her fingers, she hadn't made any notes but would regardless get the highest mark on the test.

From his seat by the window, a few rows behind Rin, Shinji raised his voice without raising his hand like the rest of the class, "What if it bites me and someone else dies?"

"That's corralation, not causation." Issei deadpanned, shooting Shinji a look for shouting out rudely.

"What if we bite each other and nobody dies?" Sakura asked innocently from where she sat next to Shirou.

Taiga leaned forward, gave the purple haired girl a wink and a saucy smirk , "That's kinky."

* * *

 **So I've opened up a poll on my home page, asking which of my story ideas I should write next, I'd appreciate it if you could put in a vote, I'd be interested to see what you guys are interested in reading.**


	39. Chorus Line up

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to UCCMaster, rc48177, Jubzy650, Jesus-The-Devil, and Wolf Strife for their reviews on the previous chapters.**

* * *

Detective Shirou Emiya stood beside Rin Toshaka, watching her expression as she examined the criminal line up on the other side of the one-way glass.

"I didn't actually see him, because I was hiding in the other room." The blue eyed lady explained, "But I heard him, he was singing along to the radio."

"Do you remember what he was sining?" Shirou prompted.

Rin's expression soured as her eyes flitted to the side, it was an expression he had seen many times in this job, of someone trying to pick through the sordid details of an event they were looking forward to blotting from their memory. "It was that song... 'I want it that way'."

Shirou nodded his head in what he hopped was a professional and comforting manner, "Backstreet Boys, I'm familiar."

He then leaned forward and hit the intercom button. "Number 1, could you please sing the opening to 'I want it that way'." He instructed.

Ryuunosuke Uryuu quirked his eyebrow, "Really?"

They'd brought him into the station before, almost had him on five different murder counts but he'd always managed to slip away on some technicality. A macabre part of Shirou, one that he would never shine a light on, hoped that it was him.

On the other side of the glass, Ryuunosuke tipped his head to the side, "Alright. _You are, my fire~"_ The red head sang awkwardly, his eyes shifting from side to side.

Shirou looked to Rin, but she shook her head, he pressed the intercom button again. "Number 2 keep it going."

" _The one desire~"_ If it was at all possible to sing wormily, that's how Gilles de Rais sang.

Rin winced at the sound and Shirou took that as a cue, "Number 3."

 _"Believe when I say~"_ Hassan I Sabbah sang stiffly, the criminal line up clearly being an environment he wasn't used to.

Not even looking at Rin, Shirou hit the intercom button again, a sense of anticipation bubbling up in his stomach, "Number 4."

" _I want it that way~"_ Gilgamesh sang with a expression that was part boredom, part 'who gave you permission to speak to me mongrel'.

In his excitement Shirou hit the intercom button with a little more force than necessary, " _Tell me why!"_

" _Ain't nothing but a heartache~"_ The line up sang like a confused, unenthused choir.

" _Tell me why~"_ Shirou was really getting into it, maybe all those karaoke nights with Illya and Taiga were starting to get to him.

 _"Ain't nothing but a mistake~"_

 _"Now number 5~"_ Shirou vocalised, not seeing the aghast expression Rin had at his actions, nor the way her eyes widened when Kirei Kotomine started singing.

" _I never want to hear you say~"_ The priest seemed to be enjoying his chance at the proverbial mic, his shoulders even swayed a little as he sang.

" _I want it, that way~"_ The line up finished the song without any prompting from the police officer on the other side of the glass.

Shirou jumped back from the intercom button and fanned at his face with his hands, he let out an excited little breath, "Chills," he directed at Rin "literal chills."

But the Toshaka head was just staring straight ahead of her at one of the men on the other side of the glass, some might have thought she looked expressionless but there were molten pools of rage inside her eyes. "It was number 5. Number 5 killed my father."

Shirou blanched at her words, "Oh my god, I forgot about that part."


	40. 2 in 1 special

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvaDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, mikaerusan, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Scribe for the Lonely, DemonRaily, VinyStark, Fall2Glory, and King of Fans for their reviews on the previous chapters.**

* * *

Gudako crawled through the collapsed hallway which was now more like a tunnel, following after Enkidu. The temple they were in was a ruin of the Babylonian era. They were looking for a relic that had been left there by Gilgamesh during his life, the king of heroes however had refused to step foot on the grounds, possibly for a reason related to his past, or just as possibly because he felt like being difficult today. Gudako would have gone with Mash but this relic was apparently hidden within a secret chamber or passage or, something Indian Jones-ish. Enkidu of course had been there with Gilgamesh during their adventures, so the lancer had offered his guidance.

The master and servant emerged from the tunnel/hallway and into an open room, they were deep inside the temple at this point so there were no sources of natural light, they would have been in complete darkness if not for the flash light on Gudako's phone.

"Looks like a dead end." Gudako lamented, not seeing any doors, or even anything other than the bare walls.

"It only looks like that." Enkidu promised his master, the green haired lancer went over to the opposite wall and began feeling all along it with his hands. "Gil was the one who opened all the passages last time but I remember there being a panel somewhere along her.

Little more Scooby-Doo than Indiana Jones in Gudako's opinion but whatever. She joined in with the search for the hidden panel. After about five minutes one of the tiles in the wall shifted a bit under the weight of her hand.

"I found it!" Gudako cried out, and Enkidu came over to her side.

It was an ancient piece of stone, so it took a bit of force to push it all the way in, there was a sound of movement and almost like gears turning as the trigger mechanism activated. There was great sense of build up as the sounds echoed around the room. Then fell flat as it all went silent.

The two stood there awkwardly for a minute.

"Um, is something supposed to happen?" Gudako slid her eyes over to Enkidu, who had a concentrating expression on his face.

"Well, Gil pressed that pannel... And then I recall him saying 'ah'."

Gudako waited for him to go on but the blank look on the servants face hinted that that was all he had to say.

"As in 'ah, I understand'?" She prompted.

Enkidu scrunched his nose and shook his head. "No it was more like-"

And then the floor opened up beneath them.

"Aaaahhhh!" Gudako screamed as gravity pulled her down through the dark.

"Yeah! That's it!" Enkidu called out over her screaming, seeming happier than anything else that he'd remembered what he'd been trying to tell her.

xxXXxx

Caren Ortensia watched as Bazett Fraga McRemitz ran away. Angra Mainyu was furious of course. Caren had finally reached Bazett within the delusion Angra Mainyu had trapped her in. In Bazett's mind she had been living and winning the Holy Grail War.

Caren had made the judgment call that the best way to remedy the situation was to just straight up tell the Irish mage about the truth of her situation. This had not gone as hoped, it had prompted Angra Mainyu to show up though which had proved her story true. It had, unfortunately, all been a bit to much for Bazett to handle.

"You think I came on too strong?" Caren asked the embodiment of all the worlds evil.

"Shut up! I don't care!" The tattoo's that carpeted his skin rippled as he bristled like an angry cat.

"You're really sore that I told her the truth huh?"

"I am not sore!" The world was starting to drip black all around where Caren was standing. "I mean it's not like the _only thing_ I have to occupy my time in here is coming up with these arbitrary loops for her!"

"Hey!" Caren called out, the situation was getting out of hand, if Angra Mainyu was controlling the environment then she needed him to calm down. "Do you... want a hug?"

Caren's mother had died when she was young, and the less said about her father the better. Obviously hugging hadn't been a big part of her childhood. It was something she had seen other people do, and on T.V. but she had never had a chance to practice herself. This probably meant she shouldn't have brought it up, but hugging was meant to be one of the most basic methods of comforting someone, so it had just kind of slipped out.

It only got worse when he begrudgingly replied, "Yes I would like a hug." In hurried words.

Well, she had offered. Also she couldn't risk him collapsing his cursed mud on top of her.

It was an awkward experience for both of them.


	41. The FBP

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvaDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, mikaerusan, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Fall2Glory, UCCMaster, and rc48177 for their reviews on the previous chapters.**

 **This chapter is coming at the request of Scribe for the Lonely, so let us return to Waver Velvet's school of Magecraft and Buggery!**

* * *

The Administration and Secretarial department of the Clock Tower was one of the most underappreciated offices in the organisation. Which was to say the people that worked there were the ones who worked harder than any of the other mages.

These were not the thoughts going through the heads of a group of students at this time however, no, their minds were taken up with bemoaning the fact that they were being forced to clean the entire administrations office at seven in the morning.

Rin and Luvia were working at the windows with spray bottles and rags, Caules was gathering up rubbish from around the desks and taking out the trash in the waste baskets, Flat carried stacks of this and that to the appropriate desks from other floors, and Shirou being the only one of the group that was capable of fathoming technology was running a buffer up and down the floor.

"I didn't even know Clock Tower had a device like this." Caules mentioned, looking up from where he'd been gathering bin bags.

Hitting the off switch, Shirou leaned against the handle of the buffer and looked over at his classmate, "They brake it out once a month, we've just never been on cleaning duty before."

Luvia flung her spray bottle and rag to the side, taking the excuse to stop working, "I know, it's like we're being punished for something."

Rin looked over at the blonde with the usual disparaging expression the other inspired in her, "We are. For breaking the coffee maker."

Luvia began checking her fingernails for damage caused by manual labour, "Oh, I don't listen to so much stuff you all say."

Rin's eyebrows twitched at the fact that Luvia wouldn't even look at her.

"Well frankly I pity the lot of you." Flat announced as he dumped another load of packages onto a nearby desk, "You look at this empty place as a problem, I see an opportunity."

Once he was sure he had everyone's attention, Flat jumped up on the desk and pointed towards the furthest wall. "I'm going to slid on this slippery floor from the accountants office to the door."

Everyone gasped in astonishment. "You're going to do the FBP?" Rin asked in awe.

Flat brought the tips of his fingers together in a scheming manner, a devious look sparking in his eyes, "That's right Rin." He spoke in a grand tone, as he then threw his arms out wide, "I'm doing the full bull pen!"

The group prepared for the event post haste. Caules, Rin and Shirou pushed the desks aside so that Flat had a straight path to the door, Luvia ran out of the room and returned with a bike helmet that she then strapped onto Flat's head, and then gave him a peck on the cheek for good luck.

Rin stood near the door, she pulled one of the hair ties that she kept in her pockets, even though she hadn't worn them for years. Shirou stood on the other side of the room holding up his phone, ready to record the event for the ages.

Flat stepped out of the accounting office wearing Luvia's helmet and sans shoes. He shook his shoulders and huffed his breath dramatically, like an Olympian, bracing himself for his big moment.

"Ready!" Flat announced.

"Recording!" Shirou confirmed.

Rin waved her hair ribbon like a chequered flag at a race track, and Flat launched himself forward. The blonde mage slid across the floor like he had wheels on the bottom of his feet. The whole group cheered once he reached the halfway point across the floor, he was going to make it! He was going to do the full bullpen!

What they didn't know unfortunately, was that outside of the room Professor El-Melloi II had chosen this moment to check up on the progress his students were making with the punishment he'd given them. The long haired mage opened the door with one hand, holding his coat in the other.

What happened next was almost in slow motion.

Professor El-Melloi saw that Flat was coming straight at him with a panicked expression and his arms flapping wildly, this was because when Flat saw that the door was open he came to the frightening realization that he couldn't stop himself, when he saw that the person opening the door was his teacher, he began to fear for his life.

All that the other students saw was their teacher open the door and Flat cry out "No! No! No!", before crashing into him and through the door.

The door swung closed as the two were knocked into the hallway. Everyone still in the room froze up, sharing nervous looks with each other. When the doors opened again and Professor walked back in with a sheepish looking Flat at his side. The tension in the air was thick enough that a sword would have got stuck trying to cut through it.

El-Melloi grabbed Flat by the wrist and then raised his arm into the air, "The full bull pen!"

In a mixture of relief and happiness, the room erupted in cheers.


	42. Star crossed lovers

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvaDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, mikaerusan, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife, UCCMaster, Awayuki and Scribe for the Lonely for their reviews on the previous chapter.**

 **This chapter is going out to seimei-mama on tumblr, who got the idea for this rare pair into my head.**

* * *

The battle raged on around, the roars of warriors, the struggle of shields and armour as they were struck by swords and other weapons, the heat of the fires that had somehow started in various patches of the ground (because somehow something always caught fire didn't it?)

It had been like this for hours, never wavering or lessening in intensity, even if the soldiers caught up in its midst were close to death or simply dying to lay down their weapons.

Arjuna dove down behind the cover of a large boulder, gaining a brief chance to catch his breath. Keeping his bow in a white knuckled grip in one hand, he used his other to feel at his chest, his robes had become stained with blood and he was so bone tired that he couldn't tell if the blood was his or not.

The sound of running footfall came to his ears over the roar of battle, Arjuna forced his body into a fighting stance, ready to fire his bow, but he relaxed his posture when he recognised the suit of armour that was skidding across the ground to kneel next to him behind the rocky shield.

"Arjuna! I lost sight of you- are you hurt?!" Mordred spoke with a single breath, like their lungs had only the one to spare. Blood was splattered across silver armour, almost blending in with the crimson accents. But what caught Arjuna's attention was the deep scratches that had been carved into the side of Mordred's helm. The archer wondered what weapon had come so close to his knights head.

Reaching up his free, and now blood soaked hand, Arjuna trailed his fingers along the rugged grooves in the metal. He wanted so much to trail his fingers along Mordred's cheek, to gain the simple but powerful sense of calm and pleasure he could derive from simply touching his lovers skin. The two of them were no strangers to battle, and Arjuna himself prided himself on the strength of his convictions and mental fortitude, but he couldn't quite quash that pointless urge that twisted next to his heart, the desire to ask Mordred to run away with him right now and leave all this slaughter behind. But he knew that Mordred would never agree to that, because they both knew that all this fighting was partly their fault.

Apparently starting a secret romantic affair with the child of a foreign sovereign, and then aiding them in a rebellion against said foreign sovereign, with his own band of warriors but without his parents permission, was not the way to bring two families together.

"I should be asking you that." Arjuna told his lover, a bit of a sigh leaking into his voice.

Mordred immediately slapped their gauntleted hands to Arjuna's cheeks, harshly cupping his face. "Don't you dare start thinking like that!"

Because of course Mordred had been able to see right through him.

Mordred pulled his head forward until his brow was resting against the her helm, he could just about see the glow of her aquamarine eyes through the grates. "Now you listen to me," They ordered his attention, "We can make this work! We're Romeo and Juliet!"

Arjuna couldn't quite tell if it was the statement or the blood loss, but his reply was deadpan, "It didn't work for Romeo and Juliet. That play ends in a tragic double suicide."

They held that pose for a beat, before Mordred released his face and shoved him back a little so that they could pull their helm upwards just enough for the blonde to reveal their shocked expression, "That's how that play ends?! Why do people like it so much?"


	43. Long distance calls

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, mikaerusan, Thorspants, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to TheCatThatCameBack and Worldbringer of Joseun for their reviews on the previous chapters.**

* * *

It was hot and sunny, the perfect day for laundry. In her youth Taiga would have said that this weather was perfect for spontaneous beach trips, walking into the city, barbecues, or any number of outdoors activities. But when you're an adult, you've got to make room in your mind for the things that need doing.

Of course that didn't make folding sheets any easier to do by yourself.

With a frustrated grunt that turned into a frustrated "Aggh!" When the corners of the material menace in her hands just _would not meet,_ The teacher dropped the bed sheet onto the nearby table and thumped down onto the floor.

"Is all well Taiga?" Inquired the voice of Saber, the blonde house guest rounded the corner into the room, gracefully knelling down the floor next to Taiga.

The short haired woman waved her hand lazily, mustering just enough will power to straighten her spine so that she was sitting more conversationally, "Yeah, I'm fine, just struggling with laundry duty."

Glancing at the rumpled pile that was the focus of Taiga's disdain, Saber moved to stand up, "Allow me to help you."

"No, no." Taiga instructed in her teacher voice, "You are a guest, I can't allow you to do the house work. Besides Shirou usually helps me with this stuff."

A quizzical look came over Sabers western face, "Actually, I haven't seen Shirou since breakfast. Is he still in the house?"

Taiga made a humming noise, thinking about it made her realise that she hadn't seen the red headed boy about the house either, normally he'd be running around like the little housewife in the making that he was, or tinkering away in the shed like the little hermit in the making that he also was. "Well he must be around here somewhere, hang on just a second-" Taiga sucked in a breath and tipped her head backwards, "SHIROU!"

Saber flinched at the sheer volume that the other woman was capable of, the house was silent for a split second, as it was in shock too, before the sound of scurrying footsteps approached. But it was Sakura's purple head that popped around the corner.

"Why is there yelling?" She asked, a look of nervousness paling her face.

"Taiga requires Shirou's assistance to do laundry." Saber explained calmly.

Sakura noticeably flinched, her hands coming up to clench the corner of the wall as her eyes flicked down to the ground. "Oh, um... I think he went over to Toshaka's house."

"Oh, okay." Taiga thanked, before jumping up to her feet, sliding open the screen and hopping into the yard. Spinning around until she was roughly facing the direction of the Toshaka estate. "RIN!" Taiga roared.

Both Saber and Sakura stared at the other woman, aghast, until they heard a sound in the distance.

"What?!" Came the far away yell of Rin Toshaka.

"TELL SHIROU TO COME HOME!"

"I think he's at Shinji's!" This made Saber go rigid.

"Shinji?" The English woman snapped. Shooting to her feet she made her way for the door to grab her boots. Grumbling "I told him to stay away from that boy."

But before she left the room, Saber twisted around, a stern expression now on her face. "Oh yes, and punish Sakura for lying to us." She added before marching out of the room.

Sakura stepped fully into the room, her hands clutched nervously to her chest. Taiga showed no signs of being even slightly winded by all the screaming, she just stood with her hands on her hips, looking at the purple haired girl with a pondering expression.

"Young lady," Taiga finally announced, shoving her hand into her jeans pocket and pulling out three paper bills, she held one out to Sakura, "I want you to go down to the store right now and get me a beer."

Sakura tried not to let her confusion be too visible, she reached out to take the yen from Taiga, before she could pull her hand away though Taiga apparently thought better of her actions and grabbed Sakura's hand, opening up her palm and pressing the second bill into it along with the first one.

"Get yourself something too while your down there sweetie." Taiga grinned.


	44. The holy maidens trial

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Fall2Glory, Wolf Strife, Awayuki, and Erit of Eastcris for their reviews on the previous chapter.**

* * *

Chains bound Jeanne to the wooden platform she had been set upon, she stood in the center of a courtroom, the walls were lined with spectators, some watched her with disdain, some with curiosity, some having already made their own judgments on what they thought she deserved. But the judge himself sat on high, his were the hands that held the power to decide Jeanne's fate, and his own intentions were completely unreadable. The ambiguity of it all almost made Jeanne thankful for the obviousness of how the guard at her side did not like her.

"Jeanne d'Arc." The judges voice intoned, booming through the stone room. "You are charged with heresy. Have you anything to say in your own defence?"

The saint of Orleans held her head high, and spoke with steadfast determination, "All words I have spoken so far are the only explanation I can give for my actions, and so for my defence, I call upon my only witness, all mighty god."

At Jeanne's words the large wooden doors to the court house swung open, the sudden influx of sunlight almost blinded everyone within the walls, allowing them to only at first see a silhouette against the sudden light. It was a male figure, small, or maybe hunched over? Holding some kind of staff in his hand. But as he entered into the courtroom it was revealed to all that 'he' was in fact a shriveled up hermit of a man, carrying what looked like an elongated shepherds crook.

Reaching the crook upwards, he undid a latch on the ceiling, allowing what looked like a trapdoor to swing open, creating a kind of skylight. And from that skylight, a single solid beam of iridescent and divine light descended from the heavens and illuminated the witness chair.

 **I told this maiden to lead the French to victory.** Spoke the bodiless voice of the lord Jeanne and so many others had devoted their lives to.

There was a rush of awed whispers around the courtroom. Until the guard who had been standing at Jeanne's side threw his polearm to the ground and stormed towards the witness chair.

"Wait a minute you two-timing spot of light! You told _me_ to lead the _English_ to victory!" He bellowed, clutching one hand to the front of his uniform, while the other pointed n accusing finger at the ephemeral manifestation.

Jeanne let out a disbelieving gasp, "Is this true lord?"

The light seemed to flicker back and forth in the chair, as if it were looking between Jeanne and the English soldier.

 **Ah hahaha,** it laughed uncomfortably, **Well I never thought the two of you would be in the same room... actually. This is a, little embarrassing. Goodbye now!**

With that, the beam of light shot back up through the air, out the skylight, and some how slammed the hatch in the ceiling closed behind it. Everyone stared upwards in silence for what felt like a year.

The judge was the first one to break the quiet, "Well that was weird." He announced before slamming his gavel down on his desk and then pointing it at Jeanne, "Burn her!" He decreed.


	45. rule 1 of ff, don't talk about ff

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife and Scribe for the Lonely for their reviews on the previous chapter.**

 **This chapter comes at the request of Scribe for the Lonely, hope you enjoy ;)**

* * *

Billy the kid chewed on the toothpick in his mouth, the faces of the men around where he sat where illuminated by the campfire that roaring in the middle of their makeshift circle. The night sky above him was full of beautiful stars, and any other night he would have laid his back against the dusty earth and taken in an eyeful of them as he waited for sleep. But tonight was serious business.

Each of the faces be they familiar or strangers, were staring at him intently, looking _to_ him, waiting for him to speak. Billy had put the word out amongst a couple of his friends that he was planning a heist, it was a big job, so he figured he'd need a larger group than usual, but this was way to many. What was worse, the high brow he was planning on robbing was one of the biggest tycoon's in town, so he really couldn't afford having a pair of lose lips around. Billy sighed to himself, that was the problem with being famous he supposed, people stopped listening to you speak because they believed what you were saying, instead they came so they could go home and tell all their friends that they'd seen the outlaw in the flesh. Still... there might be a way to make the best of this.

Billy sat up from where he was at the center of attention, he swore he could here some people sucking in their breaths. He pulled the tooth pick from his mouth and began moseying around the campfire. "I notice there's a lot of new faces with us here tonight." He announced.

There was a small wave of cheer and laughter that swept through the huddled masses.

"Which means, someone here doesn't know the meaning of keeping their trap shut!" Billy then snapped, cutting off any joviality that the newcomers might have mistakenly been feeling.

Billy flicked his toothpick into the flames, watching it curl into shriveled up blackness out the corner of his eye. He breathed in a lungful of the smoke tainted air before turning his eyes towards the faces around him again. His gaze was surveying, calculating, these men were being sized up and he made sure they knew it.

"You know what I see when I look around me?" He asked, sweeping a hand around the circle of bodies, each set of eyes followed his small movement, he had them hooked, now he just needed to reel them in.

"I see the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering." He spun away from the crowd at that moment and kicked a cloud of dust into the air.

"God damn it! An entire generation mucking out stables, waiting tables; slaves with white collars." Billy could hear rumblings of agreement coming from the dark, he tured back to their faces, still moving around the crowd at a slow pace, "Advertising has us chasing finery and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and mayors, and theater stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

The fire was no longer the only thing burning that night. In the eyes of every man gathered there, a spark had been lit. Call it new found will, call it righteous indignation, but there was something deep inside each of them that had reacted to Billy's words. It was something every man across the plain had in common he supposed, some little ball of anger that couldn't really be expressed or directed, so they nurtured it in a back corner of their heart, and kept it far away from the polite expressions they wore everyday. But now was not the time for politeness, this was not the place for hiding your anger.

And just like that, a circle of strangers became a posse of outlaws in the making.


	46. The AU I'll never write 2

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, haloutraforgefanatic01, kingpariah, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife and haloutraforgefanatic01 for their reviews on the previous chapter.**

* * *

Musashi Miyamoto tilted her face towards the sun as she swaggered sown the street. The city was alive with the sounds of birds, traffic, and the wooden practice swords attached to her backpack knocking together like wind chimes. Today was good.

Of course there was also the voice of her long time 'rival' Kojiro Sasaki, who was walking a few paces behind her.

Kojiro was a native of this area, Musashi was not, in fact she lived in a more rural area outside city limits. The two of them had originally met at a martial arts tournament, they'd been the finalists of the kenjutsu section that year. Their fight had been long and brutal (as brutal as a tournament fight could get anyway), but in the end Musashi had come out on top. This was hardly news, Musashi had been winning fights since her uncle had taught her how to swing a sword, but Kojiro was the only opponent who'd ever come back for a rematch.

They'd fought dozens of times since then and Kojiro had yet to beat her. But he had managed to fight her to a draw once or twice, which was more than anyone else had been able to do, which is why she always made a point of keeping their annual meet ups. Funny thing though, you could be someones 'rival' for so long, before you started getting friendly.

"I don't know how to explain it, but it just feels like I'm... in a rut." Kojiro lamented, doing his best to try and put his discontentment with his work into words.

"I hear you buddy, but sometimes life is a lot like hand to hand combat. You just gotta be patient and wait for your opening, and sometimes," with lightning quick reflexes Musashi snapped her arm out and jabbed Kojiro right between the eyebrows with the tip of her middle finger. "You make a rebound after that hit."

Kojiro just batted her hand away and continued walking, with only an expression of minor annoyance. "How exactly do I 'rebound' from a month long post guarding a temple?"

Kojiro was something of a bodyguard, but his latest assignment had apparently been making him stir crazy. Musashi pondered his question and began walking beside him.

"Sounds to me like your problem is a little cabin fever," she explained, "all the energy you normally use on a job is building up, it needs a place to go. Find something to spend that energy on."

"Like more fights?"

"No, that's too close to your normal job. You need something new and exciting." Musashi decreed.

"You sound like your speaking from experience." Kojiro eyed her from his place at her side.

She shrugged, "About a month after I left Kyoto, nothing could quite measure up to the things that had happened there, and as a result I didn't feel up for sparing or training for a long while."

Kojiro was looking more and more intrigued, "And what new and exciting thing did you use to channel out your energy?"

Musashi smirked at the memories, "Personally I found sex to be a great outlet."

Kojiro made a sound that suggested he might have choked if his mouth hadn't been empty. "What are you suggesting?!"

Musashi aimed a devilish smile at her long haired sparring partner, "That maybe you can rebound with that cutie from Colchis you can't stop talking about."

"Medea? No I only took that job as her bodyguard because I knew it would annoy her." He insisted adamantly, sticking his nose in the air, "Everyone who's spent five minutes around her knows she's hung up on her boss. Also, I hate her probably blue guts."

"Honey, it is 2018! A lady can like as many boys as she wants." Musashi patted a hand against her chest in referral to herself, "I once dated five guys. The restaurant, not the actually the five men, one can only be so blessed."

Kojiro didn't dignify that with a response. Luckily the two had arrived at the gym they used for their sparing sessions. The name was painted onto the side of the building above the door, block black letters on an orange background, _Pelion._

After passing through the door, the two made their way down the familiar path towards the open area training spaces in the back. As they passed the lounge area, Kojiro noticed three men sitting around a table in conversation, one with green hair, one with white hair and a gold disc earring, and one with a veritable mane of silver.

 **::::**

It never failed to amuse Musashi how, for someone as perceptive of his enemies as she knew Kojiro, the man would continually fall into the trap of allowing Musashi to rile him up.

They'd been going at it for about an hour now, both of them were sweaty and panting, but their grips on their swords were no weaker. They both stood on either side of the mats, analysing each others stances.

"Don't think I won't hesitate to cut you where you stand!" Kojiro threatened.

Musashi responded with a hearty chuckle and a song, " _Kojiro_ _and Medea, sittin' in a tree~"_

The long-haired mans face broke out into outrage, he let out guttural roar as he launched himself forward, taking a swipe at Musashi's midsection. Musashi danced out of his reach, not even raising her own weapon, she lead him around the room like that while she waited for an opening, keeping him distracted with her song.

 _"K-I-S-S-L-M-N-O-P~"_

Kojiro shifted his grasp on his sword, raising his right elbow _\- there!_

Musashi jabbed her sword into the space between his side and his arm, and swung outwards harshly. Her sword made contact with his elbow, in the moment of shock and pain he let go of hilt, Musashi's free hand shot out and grabbed it from the air, then swiftly used the new weapon to strike at Kojiro's legs.

Her opponent let out a satisfying _'oomph'_ as his back met the floor. Before Kojiro could even think of getting back on his feet, the tip of his own wooden sword rested a hairs breadth from his adam's apple.

"Now it's my turn to stab a hoe." Musashi flaunted above him.

Kojiro scoffed and pulled himself back to his feet, attempting to pull the other sword from Musashi's grasp, "Keep talking like that, and you're going to be the world's greatest swordswoman with a broken wrist." He warned.

Musashi laughed in his face, swinging the sword he had been trying to grab from her over her shoulders, signaling that they were done for the day. "Good luck with that, lately you wield a blade like a drunk sorority skank."


	47. That's life

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, kingpariah, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to DemonRaily for their review on the last chapter.**

 **This chapter comes at the request of Wolf Strife, I hope you like it ;)**

* * *

Arturia held Caliburn in her hands, admiring the way the setting sun gleamed off the blade.

"You have made your choice." Merlin told her, "Your fate is set in motion."

"I know." The future king of knights responded, her lily white dress ruffled by the evening breeze. This was a serious moment, but it also carried a kind of exhilaration that made it hard to keep a smile from her lips.

"It will not be easy to be king," The mage of flowers warned her, "An entire society will look to you for answers and guidance, they will rise and fall on your shoulders. And no matter how hard you fight, there are times where you will not be victorious."

Perhaps the meaning of those words didn't quite sink in right away, but for some reason the response she gave came to her, as if whispered on the winds.

"That's life, that's what people say. You're riding high in April,shot down in May. But I know I'm gonna change that tune when I'm back on top, back on top in June." Arturia smiled back at her guide and mentor. "And as funny as it may seem, that some people get their kicks stompin' on a dream, I don't let it get me down, 'cause this fine old world it keeps spinnin' around."

 **:::::**

Kiritsugu lay on the bed with Irisviel, her head was resting in the nook between his shoulder and neck, her arm linked up with his where it lay atop his stomach, while his other hand stroked her hair. They'd been speaking in hushed tones, when she'd asked him to tell her the story of his life.

"I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king." He responded, "That's life I tell ya, I can't deny it."

He let out a deep breath as he then said the words that would later haunt him. "I thought of quitting, baby, but my heart just ain't gonna buy it. And if I didn't think it was worth one single try, I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly"

Iri lifted her head from where it was resting, just enough to look at her husbands face while he spoke.

"I've been up and down and over and out, and I know one thing," he continued, in a voice only used by those who felt tired in their very bones. "Each time I find myself layin' flat on my face, I just pick myself up and get back in the race."

 **:::::**

Shirou sat by Sakura's side as she lay in the bed Kirei had offered her. All he could do for her was hold her hand while she sweat and flinched from whatever terrors were prodding her behind her eyelids. He felt completely helpless. Almost unbidden, a memory of his father, something Shirou used to hear him say, echoed in the boys mind.

 _That's life, that's life, that's life_

If he were just a little closer to going insane, Shirou might have laughed. Instead he leaned his head closer to Sakura's, purple and red strands of hair twining together.

"And I can't deny it," He whispered to her, "many times I thought of cuttin' out but my heart won't buy it... But if there's nothing, shakin' come here this July, I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die." He shut his eyes as they felt like they were starting to burn, bringing his face closer to Sakura's, his senses becoming filled with her. _She smells like home,_ he thought to himself.  
"My, my..." He whispered again, under his breath, but was unable to say more.

Unknown to him, Rin had sent Archer to keep watch over both the Emiya boy and her sister. The nameless bowman hovered in spirit form outside the window, watching the scene with hard eyes.


	48. It's always sunny in Eireann

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, kingpariah, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife, rc48177, Scribe for the Lonely, and Awayuki for their review on the last chapter.**

* * *

"You've been summoned here today, due to an urgent matter concerning the realm of Eireann." Announced High king Conn of the Hundred Battles from his place at the head of the long table in the council chamber. Sitting at his side was the gatekeeper of the Land of Shadows, Scathach, at the other end of the table sat the leaders of the country's two prominent orders of knights, Fionn Mac Cumhail and Fergus Mac Roich.

"Recently a rogue band of Viking invaders have been growing steadily rebellious, your assignment is to peacefully resign this tumultuous conflict on our county's border, while ensuring the foreign tribe isn't alienated or destroyed, after all we don't want another genocide on our hands do we now? This is no job for any ordinary man, which is why I have assigned it to our top diplomatic official. Unfortunately he was hospitalized due to a recent onslaught of fan girls, which is why I have transferred it over to his senior official... you." Conn gestured to Fergus, who grinned widely. Everyone else in the room was less thrilled.

Fergus rose to his feet and clapped his fist over his heart in a salute. "Fear not sire, the legacy of Diarmuid the fine and sexy diplomat will be preserved by these cold, calculating, war bloodied hands of peace."

Leaning to the side in her chair, Scathach made no attempt to be subtle with her thoughts, "Your majesty do you really think sending Fergus is a good idea?"

"No!" The head of the Red Branch replied with a shout, "It's a brilliant idea!"

"I was not asking you." Scathach shot back dryly.

"Esteemed high king and warrior queen," Fergus said in a formal tone, lifting his sword from where he'd set it at his side on the table. "You have my word as a state sanctioned fear mongering warlord, that I will resolve this conflict swiftly, peacefully and competently."

 **:::**

 ** _Fergus commits genocide._**

 **:::**

The same group was assembled in the same room a few days later, the collective mood was decisively worse than before though.

"Yeah..." Fergus drawled out, sensing the daggers being glared at him.

"You did the exact opposite of what you were supposed to do!" Scathach shouted, all but jumping out of her seat in anger. She quickly collected herself again though, sitting back and clutching the arms of her chair. "Did you not read the mission brief?"

"Of course not." Fergus replied with a confused expression. "You don't read underwear, you wear it. It's underwear, not under-read."

The wooden arms of the chair almost shattered into splinters under the angry flex of Scaathach's hands. "Did you even prepare for this diplomatic mission?"

"Of course I did-" Fergus assured her, before explaining the situation in full.

 _Previously on the boarder of Ulster._

 _"Fergus swung his sword, razing the ground with the sheer force his weapon generated. "Barbarians of Denmark, you have been causing a racket on the border, now it is my turn to cause a racquet-"_

 _He then raised his other hand to display to the shocked tribesman, the tennis racket he was also holding "of peace."_

"You- you challenged them to a game of racquet sports?" Scathach stuttered disbelievingly.

"Why of course, racquet sports are my forte, why I recon I could squash you on the tennis court and tennis you on the squash court." Fergus boasted.

"How did things break down into a gods damned blood bath!" Scathach howled in frustration.

"After issuing the challenge I was forced into a sticky situation." Fergus replied seriously.

"They didn't accept your challenge?" The high king asked.

"No! They challenged me to a game of Stické, a form of indoor tennis meshed with the rules of racquet ball," A shadow fell across Fergus' face, "truly, a sport devised by savages."

"I'm not even going to touch that one." Scathach muttered, massaging the bridge of her nose.

"I couldn't figure out the rule set, I kept alternating between tennis and squash, down seven ostriches to twelve stink rats, my back was against the wall, the stické wall to be precise. At the end of my wits I told them that I would literally kill everyone involved in popularizing such a stupid sport. To which they responded it was their national sport. So naturally-"

"Naturally what?" Scathach asked with a building sense of dread.

 _"We didn't think you were being literal!" The viking leader screamed, clutching his stick_ _é racquet to his chest._

 _"I'm a very literal man!" Fergus howled, hurling his own racquet into a nearby rock, shattering the racquet and the rock. "Now brace yourselves for my caladbolg !"_

"Where the hell did you learn diplomacy from?" Scathach asked aghast.

"Why from the teachings of Tolstoy's magnum opus, 'War and Peace'." Fergus replied proudly, "I only read the first half."

"Enough Sir Fergus!" High king Conn roared, finally rising from his chair, ordering the attention of everyone in the room. "Effective immediately, for your incompetence which resulted in the death of the non indigenous viking tribe, you will be executed!"

Three sets of eyes widened in shock. You couldn't argue with the king, and nothing he'd said was wrong, but executing a leader of one of the leading orders of knights was something that would have massive implications. "

Then the kings expression flickered into something less serious, "Wait did I say executed? I meant _excused_ , from the Connacht fighting tournament."

This seemed to disturb Fergus much more than the threat of death. "Sir! You cannot be serious!"

"Oh really?" The king asked daringly. The two stared at each other intensely.

"Oh good god." Scathach sighed to herself, finally giving up on hearing something intelligent in this castle.

"Your majesty, with all due respect- I don't respect your decision in the least!" Fergus protested, standing ramrod straight, his fists clenched at his sides. "I have won that tournament for the past four years to Roich-ous applause, who could possibly take my place?"

The blonde spear man who had slowly been inching his way closer to Scathach, chose that moment to clear his throat and slid a folded piece of paper towards her.

Scathach unfolded the paper and read it's contents aloud. "How about Fionn? I hear he's been working on his guns." She promptly crumpled the paper into a ball.

"Aw boy! I'm finally going to get the chance to show of these bad boys." Fionn smiled to himself, flexing his muscles as he crossed his arms, "Also my biceps."

"B-but my legacy, my 'most people killed in a non-mortal combat tournament' record!" Fergus pleaded to deaf ears.

"Don't worry Fergus," Fionn clapped his fellow knight on the shoulder. "I'll give them the old one-two-bam! For ya."

"No Fionn," Fergus replied stoicly, "give them the _new_ one-two-bam." He then stepped up to the kings chair and bowed in respect, "Your grace, it is with upmost pride that I humbly accept your punishment. I bid you adieu."

Fergus left after that, and Fionn followed not to soon after. Scathach let out a pained sigh once she and the king were alone, raising from her seat and moving across the room to look out the window, there were veins of cracks running along the wood, spreading out from the arms of her chair.

"Oh sweet Danu, now how do we patch our relations with the vikings?" Scathach wondered aloud.

"What do you mean Scathach? They're resolved." Conn told her, leaning his elbows against the table, running his eyes along the map of the island that was spread out along it.

"But-" Scathach began to question but was cut off.

"Do you really think that small tribe of settlers is capable of a back lash after this utter obliteration?" Conn turned to face Scathach, an expression on his face that the spear woman had never seen him wear.

"Sure, they may rally behind this tragedy, but who do they blame? Eireann? We've reprimanded the individual responsible for the atrocious incident, we've washed our hands, it wasn't the military, just one reckless individual," a grin crept onto the kings face, "our fine and sexy top diplomatic official, who we've since _executed_ via the ancient Celtic execution method of female lynch mobbing."

"You sent Fergus knowing he'd fuck it up and slaughter everyone, didn't you?" Scathach asked with dawning realization.

"History may not remember me as a hero lady Scathach, in fact it might not remember me at all. But as long as I know myself I am content with that," He reached his arm out and hovered his hand over the spot on the map where the viking tribe had resided while they still lived, "and one thing I do know about myself, is that I am a great fucking politician."


	49. Halloween bonus chapter

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, kingpariah, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Scribe for the Lonely and Fall2GLory for their review on the last chapter.**

* * *

Vlad III felt the eyes of everyone of his soldiers upon him. He rode atop his steed at the front of his organised mass of armored bodies. Battle was on the horizon, the air was already tainted with the smell of the rivers of blood that would soon be saturating the battle ground.

"I am the blood-thirsty ruler of Romania!" Vlad's voice echoed across the battle field, striking equal amounts of fear and awe into his men. "I am a creature of the night who has no mercy, no desire for salvation. I will crush and devour my enemies and feast on their misery. None shall stop me, and all shall know despair!"

Vlad hoisted his spear into the air as he roared out the last word, each of the soldiers followed his example, screaming their lungs out in support of their leader, and in reveal of their own carnal desire to rip their enemies apart.

 **::::**

Earlier that day Vlad had been in council with his generals and advisers, discussing both the upcoming battle with the Turks as well as the usual running of Wallachia.

"Alright that settles the trade agreements for this month, and on recommendation from Stephen we will discuss the budget for the victory celebration in the post battle meeting." Vlad flipped through the remaining papers in front of him and set them down with the rest of the piles that littered his desk. He looked up and surveyed the faces of the others in the room.

"Now unless there's another matter anyone else wants to discuss?" Vlad asked, letting the question hang in the air for a minute, leaving an opening for one of his vassals to raise their voice. When no one did he decided to continue on, "Well in that case I'd like to close this meeting on one final note. This isn't an order, but I would appreciate it if you would all come to my niece's Halloween birthday party, she worked so hard on it."


	50. Some like it hot, like, really hot

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, kingpariah, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to DemonRaily and Fall2GLory for their review on the last chapter.**

* * *

Tammamo loved the sun, whether it be on the beach, by a river, in a rice field, or even just walking down the street, as long as she could feel the golden rays warming her skin she was happy.

The hotel she was staying at was right on the beach, yellow sand was carpeted with beach blankets and sun umbrella's, there were even palm trees.

Tammamo let out a happy, purr like, noise as she stretched her arms above her head, strolling out of the surf towards the chair where she had placed all her items. She toweled the salt water off her skin and out of her light red hair. Slipping her white over shirt over her shoulders and adjusting her sun hat on her head so that it sat _just right._ Once she started walking back up the beach, swinging her strappy sandals back and forth and closing her eyes so she could tilt her face towards the sun.

"Pan~ Paka~ Pan~" She sang to herself.

When Ozymandias had told her that he'd booked her in to preform in the states she'd been apprehensive, when he'd told her the gig was in Florida she'd been ready to storm out of his office and quit singing all together. Luckily her manager always knew how to pull her down from her dramatic moments. A few days into her stay and Tamamo was willing to admit... perhaps she had maybe she'd been a little quick to judge. Perhaps when she got home she'd send Ozy a little thank you gift for the unintentional holiday-

And just like that Tamamo's thoughts were cut off by a face full of sand. Her foot had caught on something and that had lead to her belly flopping onto the ground. Pushing herself up onto her elbows she began swiping the grains of sand off her face, her shoes were still in her hand but her hat had flown off somewhere.

Now in a much less pleasing mood, Tamamo scrutinized the area around her, looking for her missing item.

A pair of hands suddenly entered her vision, and she looked up to see who they were attached to just as they took hold of her by the elbows and guided her back to her feet.

"I'm terribly sorry." Said a refined apologetic voice. And then Tamamo was looking at the most beautiful face she'd ever seen, his features were sharp and slender, moon pale skin stretched over fine cheek bones. A pair of blue grey eyes stared at her exactingly, locks of long, unkempt white hair were rustled by the sea breeze, what ended catching Tamamo's attention the most was the way the sun glinted of the golden disk earring hanging from the right side of his head, as well as the gold necklace with a seemingly fathomless red stone set into the hollow of his chest.

The stranger pulled her close to him for a split second as he hoisted her upright. He smelled like spiced rum and luxury.

"You're not hurt are you?" He asked, handing her back her sun hat.

"Oh no, I'm not." She laughed in response.

He gave her an apprising look up and down once more before pulling his lips into a thin line, "Well I wish you'd check."

With that he turned away from her and made his way back to the canvas chair set up under a large umbrella, a folded newspaper haphazardly set in the seat.

"Why's that?" She asked, shaking the sand out of her shirt and following him back under his umbrella.

"Because usually when people find out who I am, they get themselves a wheelchair, a shyster lawyer and sue me for three quarters of a million."

"Well I won't sue you no matter who you are." Tamamo promised.

"Well thank you." The man replied sincerely, taking his place back in his chair.

Tamamo crouched next to him, "So who are you?"

The man cast her an cold look out the side of his eye, "Well really." He chastised, snapping his paper open and hiding his face behind the print.

Tamamo _hmphed_ at his coldness, and in a small act of rebellion, took a seat of her own right on the foot stool in front of his chair, pointedly not looking at him as she fastened her shoes onto her feet.

"Who are you?" The question came from behind the morning edition.

Twisting around in her seat, Tamamo leaned her elbows onto her knees so she could get a better look at the top half of the face that was peering at her from behind his paper. "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

"Not likely." The stranger replied bluntly.

"Are you staying at the hotel?"

"Not at all."

Tamamo twisted around in her makeshift seat so that she was facing the pale man (or she would have been, damn you newspaper). She scrunched up her nose in annoyance at his bluntness. "I could swear I've seen you somewhere before."

He finally folded his newspaper up, engaging with her in proper conversation. "It's possible you've seen my picture in the news, or in the magazine 'vanity fair'?"

Tamamo had never read an issue of Vanity Fair in her life. "That must be it!" She clapped in agreement.

"Would you mind shifting to the side a bit?" He asked, waving his hand to the left, "You're blocking my view."

 _I am the view._ Would have been her usual response, but something told Tamamo that her high class wit might be lost on this poor soul, so she simply asked "Your view? View of what?"

"They run up the red flag of my yacht when it's time to serve cocktails." He replied, squinting into the distance.

Tamamo brightened like the sun she loved so much, "You own a yacht?"

Tamamo jumped to her feet, held her hand up as a visor and scanned the ships visible from the beach. "Which one is it?" She asked excitedly, "The big one?"

"Certainly not." He shot down vehemently, "With all the unrest in the world i don't believe anybody should own a yacht that sleeps more than 12."

Tamamo spun back around, "I quite agree. Tell me, who runs the flag up? Your wife?"

"No, my flag steward." he answered, unfolding his paper again.

"Well who mixes your cocktails? Your wife?"

"No, my cocktail steward. Look if you're interested in whether or not I'm married-"

"Oh I'm not interested at all!" Tamamo promised.

His eyes flickered across her face, she couldn't read the conclusion they came to. "Well I'm not." He told her.

A grin picked up the corners of her lips, "That's very interesting." She hummed.

He went back to reading his paper, and Tamamo went back to the side of his chair, sitting seiza and leaning her elbow on the arm of his chair, "How's the stock market?" She asked flipantly.

"Up, up, up." He replied without much enthusiasm.

"I bet while we've been talking you've made like, a hundred million dollars." She said teasingly. Despite his skin pallor he had an underlying accent which told her her wasn't native to the US.

"Could be, you play the market?" He asked her.

"No the lute, and I sing too!"

"For your own amusement?" The stranger asked, a bit of his own amusement creeping into his tone.

"I'm the vocalist for the band appearing at the hotel, 'Sweet Sue and her Society Syncopates'."

"Oh you're society girls?" He turned around so they were _finally_ face to face.

"Oh quite." she replied with just a touch of haughtiness. "Brymore, Vassar, we're just doing this for a lark."

He puckered his lips in thought, (Tou! Those lips!) "Syncopates... does that mean you play that very fast- jazz music?"

Tamamo widened her grin, "Yeah, real hot."

"Well I suppose some like it hot, I personally prefer classical music." He began to turn back to his paper.

"Oh I do too!" Tamamo hastily corrected, "In fact I spent three years at the cheboygan conservatory of music."

A brief panic flared through Tamamo at the curious look in his eyes, she spat out the first name of a 'high class establishment' she could remember hearing about at one of the last galas she sang at. Hopefully she the statement had sounded as impressive as she'd meant it to.

"Good school." he commented in a low voice. He leaned towards her, "And your family doesn't object to your choice of career?"

"Oh they do." Tamamo pouted, this was half true. "Daddy threatened to cut me off without a penny. But I don't care, it was such a bore you know? Coming out parties."

"Inauguration balls." He added on in agreement.

"Opening at the Opera." Also true, she'd been to plenty of those.

"Riding to Hound." he slouched back into his chair.

"And always the same four hundred." Tamamo sulked.

He turned an appraising set of eyes onto her once again, "You know it's amazing that we never ran into each other, I'm sure I would have remembered someone as attractive as you."

Tamamo allowed at bit of blush to colour her cheeks, a little girlish charm, "You're very kind. I bet you're also gentle and helpless."

"I beg your pardon?" He seemed to take slight offence to that last part.

"You see I have this theory about men who wear jewelry." Tamamo explained with a flutter of her lashes.

"What theory?"

Tamamo leaned forward out of her seiza style, beckoning him to do the same. He leaned closer to her, just enough for her to be able to lay on the finishing move, it would be the icing on the cake by the ocean.

"I'll tell you when I get to know you better." She whispered in his ear.

In an act that defied every law of the universe, he seemed unaffected. Tamamo did her best to hide the slight agitated twitch her eyes gave.

"What are you doing tonight?" She asked him.

"Tonight?" As if he couldn't guess where she was going with this.

"I thought perhaps you could come to the hotel and hear us play."

"I'd like to but I'm afraid I'm unable."

"Why?" She pressed.

"I only come ashore twice a day when the tide goes out." He picked up the small wicker basket near his feet. "It's on account of these shells you see, they're my hobby."

"You collect shells?" Tamamo asked.

"Yes, so did my father and my grandfather, you might say we had a passion for it." He picked up a yellow one from the top of the pile, "That's why we named the oil company after them."

Tamamo's already wide eyes tripled in size. "Shell oil?" She gapped.

"Please no names." He insisted in a hushed tone. "Just call me Karna."

She scrambled to collect her thoughts, grasping for the right reply. When a voice yelled out from the pathway at the head of the beach.

"Phone call for a Miss Nomy!" Hollered a hotel lobby boy.

Trying not to show how bothered she was at the breaking of the mood, Tamamo let out an airy laugh and rolled her eyes at the butchering of her name. "Americans."

"I know." Karna agreed with good nature.

"Miss Nomy!" The lobby boy called out again.

"I'm coming!" Tamamo screamed back at him, she rose gracefully to her feet, flashing Karna a doe eyed look as she did so, "You will come to the show tonight, won't you?"

"I'll try." He offered, not without sincerity.

"Oh do come, it'll be fun. Bring your yacht." She told him before zipping back up the beach.


	51. Moonlight Lost Room

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, kingpariah, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife and Scribe for the Lonely for their review on the last chapter.**

 **The subject of this chapter was requested by Wolf Strife, and I thank them for that. Whether you read comics or not, whether you're a superhero fan or not, I think that we all have been affected by the works of Stan Lee in some way, and this chapter is dedicated to his memory.**

* * *

The moonlight lost room was supposedly an urban legend. Never in one fixed place, never really there when you tried to look for it, like the room of requirement, or a good place to park.

Yet Ritsuka found himself there, hunched over in an arm chair, massaging his eyes with the heels of his palms. Sometimes it all just got a little too much, that feeling of uselessness. When you were surrounded by literal heroes, titans among men, first rate mages and Mash, even his Mash was above him in terms of magical stature.

He was their master yes, he supplied them with mana but what else could he do to support them?

He had his aptitude for summoning servants, but when the stakes were high and the chips were down how was he supposed to help them? He had already failed in the first singularity, when he had failed to save director Animusphere.

"Something got you down kid?"

Ritsuka snapped his head up, and saw that he was no longer alone in the room. The old man wasn't someone he recognised, he was wearing a plain outfit, sweater and trousers, but what caught Ritsuka's attention the most were his large glasses, taking up most of his face. He had white, thinning hair, making his forehead seem larger than it actually was.

"Um, hello?" He said at a loss.

"Son, you look like you got the weight of the world on your shoulders." The old man said in response, either not noticing Ritsuka's confusion or not caring about it, as he sat down in the chair opposite the young master.

To anyone else this whole situation might have been more than slightly unnerving, but in the world of magecraft stuff like possible ghosts in a magical room was just another Tuesday.

"I guess I do, in a way." Ritsuka confessed to him.

"Need an ear? I can't promise much in the way of sage advice, but sometimes it just feels good to get the troubles off your chest." The old man patted his own chest, filling the room with soft thumps.

Ritsuka took a deep breath, leaned back in his chair, and let out a sigh. "Sometimes I just feel like I'm falling behind, which wouldn't be so bad, hell given who I spend my days with it would probably be understandable, but the thing is that they rely on me. And that makes falling behind more like I'm dragging them down."

Ritsuka took in a shuddering breath, he thought of all the other young people who hadn't been as lucky as him and Mash, would they have been better masters than him?

"I guess what it really comes down to, is... I feel like some kind of amateur, or, more like a hack." Ritsuka sighed.

The old man leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, and looked Ritsuka dead in the eye, "You know, I used to be embarrassed because i was just a comic-book writer while other people were building bridges or going on to medical careers. And then I began to realize: entertainment is one of the most important things in people's lives. Without it they might go off the deep end. I feel that if you're able to entertain people, you're doing a good thing."

The old man pulled himself out of his chair and then came to clap Ritsuka on the shoulder.

"You don't have to be on par with them, just be there for them in the way that only you can, and if you really love being a master then that should be enough. It's a lot of work, but if you really have it in you, it's not like work. It becomes fun _."_

And then he was gone. Ritsuka sat there and let his words roll around in his head for a moment, something about the old man had left a comforting, almost uplifting feeling in his wake. Breathing in through his nose one last time, Ritsuka Fujimaru put a smile on his face and went to leave the moonlight lost room. But just as he passed the table that sat in the middle of his room he noticed something that hadn't been there before, a single gold coloured card, the kind that often played a part in summonings.

But Ritsuka didn't recognize the symbol, or the class character painted on it.

After leaving the room, Ritsuka went to Chaldea's library, and spent the next half hour researching the card. He eventually found it in one text book, there was next to no information, but the page had a matching picture to the one on the card and a single word beneath it.

Excelsior.

* * *

 **R.I.P. Stan Lee.**

 **You're legacy carries on.**


	52. Breaking Berserker (request)

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, GideonGoldTheDarkOne, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, OchaKZA, Reader XV, , TheFelRoseOfTerror, Toaneo07 ver2.0, kingpariah, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, 00Zy99, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, FrostyMan122, He Who Listens, LittleStar555, Reader XV, , darkkingmaster, starwars05, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife, Scribe for the Lonely, UCC Master, mikaerusan, rc48177, GameCrusher55 and orocontra2012 for their review on the last chapter.**

* * *

"After much debate from the health and safety board, and many vocal complaints from foundation residents, it had been decided that the possession of medical marijuana will be permitted on Chaledea grounds." The P.A system announced one morning.

All over the facility, in dark rooms filled with ominous looking, but... fragrant, smelling smoke, one by one servants opened their doors and looked out to their brethren. Edmond Dantes, Cu Chulainn (only when Scathach wasn't looking), Lord El-Melloi II, and Hector all met each others gazes, a kind of stunned awe in each others eyes, as if they couldn't quite believe what they'd just heard.

One by one they each lifted up what looked like hand rolled cigarettes to each other, slow smiles cracking onto their faces. They banded together, marching down the hallways like a parade, on their way to the main lounge more and more servants and even faculty members joined their ranks.

Just before reaching the main lounge they passed a stoned Heracles, lying on his back in the middle of the floor with a blissed out expression on his stony face, Robin Hood climbed up on top of the Berserkers hulking figure, standing tall like a hiker at the summit of a mountain, before lifting his cigarette clutching hand into the air.

"Free at last!" He cried out in triumph. Even though he hadn't really done anything.

His fellow marchers let out a roar of agreement. One more corner turned and they finally found themselves approaching the main lounge. And the very stormy expressioned Nightingale barring its doors.

The 'parade' came to an abrupt halt.

"You can't have those in the lounge." She told them, leaving no room for argument.

"But," Hector spoke up, but felt his tongue fail him when Nightingale turned her eyes onto him, "the announcement." He protested weakly, waving his hand towards the speakers in the walls.

"Oh you can have those," She allowed him, referencing all the cigarettes and plastic bags everyone was holding, before her expression turned sharp again, "But it is still illegal to smoke indoors. I'd have to... reprimand you."

The entire group took a step back and made a collective sound of nervous discomfort. With this new information, and under the scrutiny of the head nurse, the crowd began to awkwardly dissolve, all enthusiasm dissipated like ash in the wind.

They all returned to their rooms, none speaking or raising their eyes to each other. Once Robin closed the doors to his own quarters, he slumped back onto his couch.

The man in green began to wonder to himself, what if he tried to change that rule? What if they organised? What if-

There was a _ding_ of notification from his computer. Robin perked up at the noise and pulled the device closer to him, opening up the relevant page.

"Oh! New video!" HE cheered to himself, all thoughts of challenging the system quickly forgotten.


	53. The secret origin of Santa Alter

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, GideonGoldTheDarkOne, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, OchaKZA, Reader XV, , TheFelRoseOfTerror, Toaneo07 ver2.0, kingpariah, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, 00Zy99, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, FrostyMan122, He Who Listens, LittleStar555, Reader XV, , darkkingmaster, starwars05, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Scribe for the Lonely and UCC Master for their review on the last chapter.**

 **This will probably be my last chapter of 2018, so I want to take this chance to say thank you to all of you who have followed this story, given your feedback, and simply found something enjoyable in what I've written. So thank you to each and everyone of you, I hope you all have a safe and merry holiday wherever you are, and a happy new year.**

 **;) x**

* * *

A long time ago, in a big building at the end of the world, there lived two masters and their servants... let's just say they had a lot of servants.

Everything was oddly normal for them at this time of year, then came the visit of a certain magical character that changed their lives forever.

Siegfried was tucked up in bed, visions of sugar plums, or whatever they ate during his era, dancing in his heard. In his sleep clouded mind he thought he heard something that sounded like a distant laugh.

 _Ho ho ho!_

The saber wrinkled his nose in his sleep, weird. Then he heard something that was much harder to brush off and ignore.

"Excalibur Morgan!" Followed by a sudden but intense burst of mana.

Siegfried sprang from his bed and bolted out of his room, he flew down the hallways, following the traces of mana to their source.

"What's going on?! Are we under attack?!" He shouted as he busted threw the door to the lounge. Where he found Saber Alter, leaning on the hilt of her sword with a disgruntled look on her face (not unusual for her), and the body of a man in a once red suit, now practically black with blood, torn nearly in half at her feet (oh how he wished he could say that wasn't normal for her).

Saber Alter let out a deep sigh, not even looking up at Siegfried, "Before you start-"

"Sweet Fafnir." Siegfried gaped at the sight.

"Okay, before. You. Start." Saber Alter tried again.

"Holy Shit!" Siegfried continued to stare in horror regardless.

"Would you care for me to explain?" Saber Alter asked exasperatedly, as she dematerialized her sword.

"Oh yes Saber!" Sigfried snapped, "I would love to know why you maimed and killed Father Christmas!"

The darkened servant folded her arms over her chest, "He startled me." She replied flatly.

There was a beat of disbelieving silence, where Siegfried stared at the Saber in front of him as if he hadn't hears the reason she'd just given him.

"He startled you?!" He repeated in shock and fury.

"He. Startled. Me." Was the only clarification or further justification she offered.

"Oh, well I guess he should apologize." Siegfried snapped back sarcastically.

"Well that would be rather hard, seeing as, you know, I killed him." Saber Alter replied oblivious to his tone, nudging the corpse with her foot.

"Brilliant!" Siegfried threw his hands in the air, begging every god he could think of for someone with sanity to appear and aid him, "What are we supposed to do now?"

He knew what the right thing to do was, of course. But he didn't want to burden the masters or the staff with such a horrid sight.

Saber Alter placed her hands on her hips and let out a long suffering sigh (though it sounded rather dramatized to Siegfried's ears) "Well, looks like I have to save Christmas." She declared.

That was the sword that broke the Dragons skin, Siegfried collapsed into the nearest chair and groaned loudly into his hands.

"Yep, no other option." the saber continued as she knelt down to peel the hat and cloak from the now cooling body and then dress herself in them.

"How about ANY other option? Any at all!" Siegfried protested.

"No use trying to put the brakes on this." Saber told him, tying the red and green bow over the shorter version of his black dress. "It's going down."

Siegfried readjusted himself in his chair, examining her further he now noticed that Saber Alters knee high boots had a wool lining. "You planned this." He realized.

"What?" Alter gasped in offense.

"You planned this, I know you did." Siegfried stared her straight in the eyes as he spoke.

Alter scoffed derisively, "You really don't trust me?"

Just then the door on the other end of the room banged open, revealing Astolfo in an elf hat. "The sleigh has been secured!" The rider announced victoriously.

Saber Alter's face became pinched, she froze up under Siegfried's now dry stare.

"Unfortunately vixen got away, but- Oh..." Astolfo cut himself off when he noticed the aura of the room.

It was like a Mexican stand off of awkwardness, until Saber Alter raised her arm to jab her thumb at Astolfo, "You wouldn't believe how cheap that elf hat was."

A rumble began to build up in Siegfried's chest, not dissimilar to the dragon so associated with his legend.

"I stole it." Saber Alter grinned.

"Saber!" He roared, finally pushed over the edge by his frustration, he was ready to give her a piece of his mind.

"Let me have my nightmare before Christmas moment!" Alter raged back at him.

And so, Santa Alter and her little helper visited many houses that night. Until Astolfo got distracted, and kind of wandered off.

The End.


	54. The obligatory harem chapter (request)

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, GideonGoldTheDarkOne, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, OchaKZA, Reader XV, , TheFelRoseOfTerror, Toaneo07 ver2.0, kingpariah, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, 00Zy99, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, FrostyMan122, He Who Listens, LittleStar555, Reader XV, , darkkingmaster, starwars05, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Scribe for the Lonely, UCC Master, Erit of Eastcris, Wolf Strife and Fall2Glory for their review on the last chapter.**

* * *

 **Back by unpopular demand... Me!**

 **First chapter of 2019 folks! And this one is coming to you at the request of UCC Master, I hope it is to your liking :)**

* * *

Ritsuka was feeling pretty good about this misson, he'd assembled a good team with a nice balance of skills, his mana was at peek levels, and the danger levels for this singularity was pretty low compared to some of the past ones. All in all he was feeling pretty positive. The ray shift commenced and the team found themselves transported.

Twenty minutes later it was dark, wet, windy, and Ritsuka was hopelessly lost and separated from everyone else. Ritsuka guessed they were in some version of Europe based off the terrain, the muddy ground had tripped him down a steep hill and now he was crawling through a thicket, the tiny branches whipping him in the face with every step.

He kept trudging through this British brand misery until a light in the distance caught his eye, Ritsuka pushed a mass of branches out of his face and he saw it, the holy grail, shining like a beacon on the top of a castle, strangely large but Ritsuka didn't care. Could it be? Just this once, could it really be that easy?

Ritsuka broke out of the thicket and crawled up the hill towards the castle. He scrambled around the walls until he found the door. Throwing both his fists against the door he screamed over the wind, "Open the door! Open the door!"

Without any answer the door swung inwards and Ritsuka fell inside. He hit the ground face first, the ground inside the castle was covered in fur rugs. Ritsuka propped himself up onto his elbows and looked up to see a group of beautiful women standing at the top of the steps. The apparent leader was a dark skinned woman with short pale hair, she wore a thick black bow in the back of her hair with a small red ornament on the side, she was dressed in a short red dress with black arm coverings and a long red scarf.

"Welcome to the castle Anthrax." The pale haired woman greeted.

Ritsuka gaped once or twice , partly in shock, partly because his face was a little numb from the weather. "The castle Anthrax?"

"Yes, it's not a very good name." The woman pouted, coming down the stairs to help him to his feet, "Oh, but we are nice, and we will attend to your every, _every_ need." She assured him, pulling him in close to her, running her hands down his arms.

Ritsuka stumbled backwards, out of her grasp, "You are the keepers of the holy grail?"

Her pale eyes, which were the same colour as her hair he noticed, widened "The what?"

"The grail! It is here?" Ritsuka snapped.

"Oh, but you are tired, and you must rest a while." She purred, then she turned her head and beckoned to the small group of girls at the top of the steps, "Kiyohime, Serenity."

Two girls stepped forward, on had short purple hair and skin even darker than the woman standing next to him, the other was a shorter woman with horns and flowers on the side of her head, she had long teal hair and a short kimono, "Yes Miss Alter?" They asked in unison.

"Please prepare a bed for our guest."

"Oh thank you, thank you." They both sang, eyeing Ritsuka up and down.

"Away away." The leader waved her hands at them, before turning back to Ritsuka, pulling him up the steps and threading her arms around his. "The beds here are warm and very soft."

"Well see here-" Ritsuka tried to protest.

"What is your name, oh gallant knight?" She asked innocently.

"Ritsuka Fujimaru."

"Mine is Okita, Okita Alter." She smiled, "Oh, but come." She pulled him further inside the castle.

"No please, in Akasha's name, show me the grail." Ritsuka begged, though his body did little to follow his protests.

"Oh, you have suffered much, you are delirious." Okita Alter sighed, pressing her hand to his forehead, and flooding Ritsuka's senses with the scent of her as she did so.

"No, I have seen it, it's here-" He tried to argue pathetically.

"Sir Ritsuka!" Okita pulled back suddenly, looking him square in the eye. "You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality?"

That was more a trap than a question.

"Well, I-I um..."

"I'm afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours," Okita slipped back into her agreeable persona, pulling him further along the winding hallways. "We are but eight score young maidens, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us, it is a lonely life." The two came to a door and Okita opened it to reveal a bed chamber, there was a roaring fire place that sang to Ritsuka like a siren and the damn him if that bed didn't look like the softest thing he'd ever seen. "Bathing, dressing, undressing, knitting exciting underwear, we are just not used to handsome knights, come come." Okita ordered him to follow her into the room.

She sat down on the side of the bed, patting the space beside her. Ritsuka allowed the exhaustion to get to him, he fell towards the bed, flopping down next to Okita Alter, he felt her hands on his sides as she guided him onto his back, he felt the heat of another body press against him, felt hands move from his sides to his chest, "You may lie here." Her sweet voice whispered into his ears.

But then she gasped, "You are wounded!"

It took Ritsuka a second to realise she was referring to the scratches on his face.

"It's nothing!" He assured her.

"Oh but you must see the doctors immediately!" Okita Alter sprang back to her feet, and clapped her hands.

He wasn't sure where they came from but suddenly a black haired girl with a black tiara, in a gold and white dress which exposed her midriff, and a long purple haired girl in a black trench coat with a red ribbon around her neck and in her tresses.

"What seems to be the problem?" Asked the purple haired one.

"They're doctors?" Ritsuka asked aghast.

"They have a basic medical training, yes." Okita Alter mumbeled, her eyes trailing away from Ritsuka's as she spoke.

"B-but-"

"Oh, come come, you must try to rest!" Okita Alter ordered, "Doctor Ishtar, Doctor BB, practice your art." She instructed before slipping out the door.

"Try to relax." BB assured him as she and Ishtar climbed onto the bed with him.

Ishtar took her seat, straddling his thighs as her fingers began undoing the buckles on his uniform, while BB maneuvered behind him, pulling him backwards to pillow his head on her chest.

"Are you sure this is absolutely necessary?" Ritsuka asked, and if voice went up a pitch no man would blame him.

"We must examine you." Ishtar explained calmly. As she began undoing his belt.

Ritsuaka yanked his legs out from under her, pulling them in close to his chest, "There's nothing wrong with that!"

BB sighed a little, "Please, we are doctors." As if this situation was completely normal.

Ritsuaka jumped off the bed and threw himself against the wall, feeling around for the door. "Get off the bed! I am sworn to chastity!" He wasn't actually but for some reason it felt like a good thing to say.

"Back to your bed!" Ishtar ordered.

"Torment me no longer! I have seen the Grail!"

The two girls exchanged confused looks, "There's no grail here." BB told him.

Ritsuaka was about to retort when his hand felt the door knob, he quickly yanked the door open and sprinted down the hallway, no idea where he was going but the grail had to be somewhere.

"I have seen it, I have seen it." He repeated to himself. Running towards the door at the end of the hall. "I have seen-" But when he opened the door he was greeted by a different sight.

"Hello." Chorused all the girls standing in the steam of the baths.

"Oh-" Ritsuaka tried to back out of the room, but ended up slipping forward on a conveniently placed bar of soap. Now submerged in the steam he just prayed that none of these girls were tsunderes. Looking for a door and valiantly trying to avoid the sight of bare skin, Ritsuka spotted an exit on the other side of the room

Moving as quickly as he could (because you should never run in a place with wet floors). He made it to the door, but before he could reach it himself, it was opened from the other side.

"Okita Alter!" He gasped, though she had to be the same person, her skin seemed paler, and her robes were now blue.

"No, I am Okita Alter's identical twin sister, Okita." The woman answered pleasantly.

Ritsuka waited for her to finish her name, but apparently that was it. You know what? He wasn't even going to question it.

"Oh, well, excuse me, I-" Ritsuaka stammered a sentence together as he squeezed around Okita and into the hallway, at the end of which he saw the stairs he'd come in on.

"Where are you going?" A voice called out from behind him, he looked over his shoulder to see that Okita, as well as half the women in the castle were following him.

"I seek the grail! I have seen it here! In this castle!" He yelled, finally at the end of his rope.

Okita's eyebrows drew together in confusion, before her face broke out into shock, "Oh no! Oh no!"

Ritsuka stopped in his tracks and turned to face her. "Oh bad Alter!" Okita continued speaking to herself.

"What is it?" Ritsuak asked.

"Oh, wicked,bad, naughty Alter!" She sighed before explaining, "She has been setting alight to our beacon, which I just now remembered is grail shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem."

"It's not the real Grail?" No, it seemed it never could be that easy.

"Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot!" Okita continued to rant, "Oh, she is a naughty person, and she must pay the penalty - and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped must tie her down and spank her!"

"A spanking! A spanking!" Cried the girl behind Okita.

"You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like." Okita's face took on a sudden shy quality, "And then, spank me."

"And spank me." Cried out a pink haired girl with fox ears, "And me." Echoed a blonde in a red dress, "And me." Added on a brown skinned woman wearing a white veil.

"Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking!" Okita annouced, encouraging her girls on.

"A spanking! A spanking!" They cheered again.

During all this Ritsuak had run the rest of the way down the hall way, after trying to open the door himself and finding it stuck, he had now come to simply ponding on it with his fists.

"And after the spanking," Okita continued, oblivious to the males discomfort, "the oral sex."

Ritsuka was suddenly right behind Okita and in a much better mood. "Well, I suppose I could stay a BIT longer."

Then suddenly the door was thrown open and Mash ran into the castle.

"Senpai! I've come to rescue you!" She cried out, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him behind her shield.

"Actually Mash, I think I can take them." He said vaguely.

"Don't worry, the others are waiting at the extraction point, we'll be home in no time!" Mash assured him, seemingly more concerned with the women banging on her shield than what her master was saying.

With a put out look on his face, Ritsuka allowed himself to be carried to safety.


	55. FGO99 (request)

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, GideonGoldTheDarkOne, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, OchaKZA, Reader XV, , TheFelRoseOfTerror, Toaneo07 ver2.0, kingpariah, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, 00Zy99, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, FrostyMan122, He Who Listens, LittleStar555, Reader XV, , darkkingmaster, starwars05, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to UCC Master, Worldbringer of Joseun, Fall2Glory, and Jesus-The-Devil for their reviews.**

 **This chapter comes at the request of Fall2Glory, I hope they like it :)**

* * *

Mordred and Gudako were sitting on one of the window benches in a random hallway, Gudako was trying to teach Mordred how to play Fire Emblem.

"Master! Mordred!" Called a haughty voice, the two looked up from their serious lesson to see Caster Gilgamesh and Lancer Artoria coming towards them. "Settle a little tiff Artoria and I are having." The Babylonian servant commanded.

"Be honest Gilgamesh, it's not a tiff it's a row." Artoria said coldly.

Gilgamesh folded his hands over his chest and cast her a side look, "And now it's a scene."

"It's okay, my kings," gudako spoke up, waving her hands to make sure she had their attention, "we really don't want to get involved in your relationship problems."

Mordred had their back to the other servants but was facing Gudako, so the master was the only one who caught Mordred's _we don't?_ expression.

"It's not personal," Gilgamesh assured the red head, "it's a math problem."

"Pass." Gudako replied blandly at the same time Mordred perked up, not many were aware of this, but the knight of treachery was a wiz with numbers.

"Gilgamesh and I had dinner together for the first time in two weeks thanks to the last farming event." Artoria explained in her usual monotone.

"And Artoria thought it would be fun to spoil our date with an _inane_ math problem, to which her answer is wrong." Gilgamesh directed the last line rather pointedly at his partner.

"Enough foreplay, let's get to the numbers." Mordred piped up, a little anxious at the sight of the argument.

"It's the 'Monty Hall' problem," Gilgamesh explained, "imagine your on a game show, there are three doors, behind one of which is a car-"

"You're telling it all wrong," Artoria cut him off, "there are three doors, behind one of which is a car." She explained in an identical fashion. "You pick a door, and then the host, who knows where the car is, opens another door showing you there's nothing behind it, now the host asks you if you want to open the other un-open door, should you do it?"

"No!" Gilgamesh stated.

"Yes!" Artoria shot back in exasperation.

"It's simple math!" They both shouted in unison.

"It doesn't make sense to switch, it's a fifty-fifty chance either way." Gilgamesh argued, now only looking to Artoria.

"It's two thirds if you switch, one third if you don't, the probability doesn't kick in until you make the choice. We've been over this eight times." Artoria sounded like an annoyed teacher.

"Seven times," Gil corrected smugly, "now you can't even do simple addition."

During all of this Mordred had worn a thoughtful expression as they ran over the problem in their head, when their was finally a lull in the 'conversation', the blonde knight looked up sheepishly.

"Father is right." He told them almost reluctantly.

There was a beat of silence, Artoria looked over to Gilgamesh with a self satisfied smirk, while the casters face was practically blank.

He stuck one arm out and pointed a finger at Mordred, "You're grounded." He told her before storming off, exit stage left pursued by a Lion king.

"Hah!" Gudako laughed at the chalky colour Mordred's face turned.

 **:::**

Gudako and Jekyll sat on either side of Mordred for lunch that day. The saber was throwing anxious glances over at the table where Caster Gilgamesh was eating with Circe and Ozymandias (Nursery Rhyme was there too, casters gotta stick together), lancer Artoria was on a farming mission with Ritsuka, Mash and Bedivere.

"Okay," Mordred announced, "we have to explain this thing to lancer-father and save their relationship."

Jekyll slung his arm around Mordred, "And you laughed when we went to Da Vinci's math seminar." He said to his master.

"Because you called 'funky cats and their feisty stats'." Gudako informd him around her mouth of couscous.

"That was the name!" He cheered, "It was so cool!"

Gudako swallowed her mouthful and looked him dead in the eyes, meaning these next words from the bottom of her soul, "It was not."

She turned her attention back to her plate before continuing, "Anyway, it's not about the math. They haven't seen each other in weeks because of all these missions, they just need to bone."

"What? Gross!" Mordred shrieked, "master, those are my dads! I-I mean one of them is my dad, a version of my dad- The other's just-just-"

"Wow." Gudako chuckled.

"Never mind! I'm teaching father's the math." The knight jumped to their feet, then spotted the growing smirk on their masters face, "Whatever."

 **:::**

Caster Gilgamesh was in the library when a sigh drew his attention to Mordred, who was on their hands and knees on the ground.

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

"No, I can't find my ring." The knight replied.

"Well did you see where it went?" He asked, moving around to the desk Mordred was looking around.

"Actually," Mordred reached beneath the desk, and brought up a model of three multicoloured doors, "it's behind one of these doors, would you care to pick one?"

The Babylonian king stiffened, an unreadable shadow fell over his face, "Are you trying to Monty Hall me?" He asked incredulously, "This is unbelievable. I don't need Monty Hall ruining my personal sanctuary, when it's already ruining the time I have with Artoria."

"Come on king," The two servants spun around to see Gudako lounging in one of the chairs, re-reading one of her Naruto paperbacks. "All these missions are keeping you and Artoria apart, you two just need to bone."

Mordred squeaked, Gilgamesh's face screwed up, "What did you just say?" he gasped.

"Please don't say it again." Mordred whispered.

"I said you two just need to bone." Gudako said again, regardless.

The king of Uruk sucked in a deep breath, "How... dare you, I am your king!"

 **5 minutes later**

"BONE!" The shout echoed around the library, prompting everyone nearby to slowly back away.

 **10 minutes later**

Gilgamesh was leaning over the table, right into Gudako's face, "What happen's in my bedroom is _none_ of your business." he told her sternly.

 **12minutes later**

Mordred and Gudako stared at Gilgamesh, who was now standing between two bookcases, hands braced on them as if he needed support.

"Bone?!" He hollered.

 **16 minutes later**

"Never speak to me that way again." He scolded the red head before storming out of the library, letting the doors bang loudly.

Everyone who had also been in the library began to peak out from behind the tables and bookcases like frightened wildlife. Mordred looked over to Gudako who was still sitting in her chair, having only slouched down in it during Gilgamesh's biting off of her head.

"Why did you do that?" Mordred asked in a chastised voice.

"Dude was pent up." Gudako replied flatly, "Now he knows. Problem solved." With that the master went back to her reading.

 **:::**

Two days later, everyone was getting into summer mood. Mordred and Gudako were heading down to the pool to see if surfing was covered by the riding skill, when they passed Caster Gilgamesh, striding down the hall in his summer garb.

"I heard you reserved the indoor beach." Gudako called out.

"Artoria and I heve plans to enjoy our day off." Was his brief answer, not pausing in his stride.

"So you two aren't fighting anymore?" Mordred asked excitedly.

"Yep." He called over his shoulder without looking back.

"So you understand the math now?" The blonde continued.

"Nope."

"So you guys-" Gudako began to ask, but Gilgamesh quickly cut her off.

"Yep!" And then he was out of sight.

Gudako smirked and then leaned over to whisper in Mordred's ear, "See, what happened is your dad's had sex."

Mordred wordlessly squirmed away, but discomfort was written all over their face. "Okay master." They mumbled.

* * *

 **A.N: I've found that chapters with Mordred are a bit of a double edged sword, because on one hand, yay Mordred! But on the other hand... pronouns. I feel like I keep flip flopping on how I refer to them. I know they don't care for being refered to as female, but they also seem to present as a feminine manner. I don't want to get political here, but I'm curious, how do you think I should refer to Mordred?**


	56. Love letters to Jason

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, GideonGoldTheDarkOne, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, OchaKZA, Reader XV, , TheFelRoseOfTerror, Toaneo07 ver2.0, kingpariah, AnimeFan0216, ChaosMedivalDukemon, Fall2Glory, FlyingCephalopod, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, Lord of Moons, not my photoshop, pervy Panda, , Wanderer No.96, andoodle11, aleksds1, blazing5in, iRogueIII, oleg2003.06, pieeater66, technodude458, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, 00Zy99, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, FrostyMan122, ChaosMedivalDukemon, Ethan573, Fall2Glory, FlyingCephalopod, LittleStar555, Lord of Moons, Not my photoshop, PervyPanda, He Who Listens, LittleStar555, Reader XV, , andoodle11, bldude, minotaurgames, oleg2003.06, starwars05, technodude458, darkkingmaster, starwars05, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to UCC Master, Jesus-The-Devil, Fall2Glory, Wolf Strife, Guest and DemonRaily for their reviews.**

* * *

Medea had spent the better part of two days in her room since that damned group meeting. The exercise seemed simple enough, to pick a person from your past, the one who seemed to be at the center of your demons and tragedy, and write them a letter. Seemed simple enough, yeah right

The princess of Colchis had been sitting at her desk for so long that she couldn't remember when she'd started to lose the feeling in her legs, it was probably around the same time she'd broken the third pen. The easiest part of this whole thing had been picking the subject of her letter, there were others it could have been addressed to of course, her father, Aphrodite, that damned Euripides.

But no, it had- it _had_ to be Jason, her prince, her husband, the father of her...children...

And that's why this was so much harder than it seemed, even if the letter would never be sent, if you would never see that person again (hopefully), having to open up that box you'd locked all those memories away in, having to look back and pick apart your life. The pain was indescribable.

In the end there was no one letter, the surface of her desk was littered with sheets of paper, each one scrawled with various amounts hastily written words, some of them were nostalgic,

 _I miss you kissing my eyelids,_

 _And tracing my back with your fingertips._

 _I miss how your body would unconsciously look for warmth in mine when you slept._

 _I miss the way you stopped the hurtful words that were about to come out of your mouth by clenching your teeth._

 _I miss your touch, even only a slap on the cheek._

 _The way you yelled at me, I miss every bit of it._

Some of them were full of crossed out lines,

 _You were sweet. Too sweet. I loved you then, but I am sorry for what I did._

Some of them were what she thought letters like this were supposed to look like, what she thought a professional would like to see her writing, something mature and well worded. Forgetting and forgiving,

 _But you deserved every scar and bruise you left on my body._

 _So with the same mouth and hands, I pray for our sins._

 _May your heart and soul rest in peace._

 _And may the gods forgive us_

 _For what we did._

The last page she'd written before dropping her pen, taking a deep breath, shakily rising to her feet and finally leaving her room, sat on the top of the mess, center stage and almost calmly, like the eye of the storm. It was the most genuine of the words Medea had written to Jason. When she left the room she enchanted all of her papers to burn up and disappear, so she wouldn't have to look at them when she came back to go to bed. The letter had been written, that's what mattered, no one would ever see what she'd admitted,

 _I may think of you softly from time to time_

 _but I'll cut off my hand before I ever reach for you again_

 _goodbye_


	57. That's my wife!

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, GideonGoldTheDarkOne, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, OchaKZA, Reader XV, , TheFelRoseOfTerror, Toaneo07 ver2.0, kingpariah, AnimeFan0216, ChaosMedivalDukemon, Fall2Glory, FlyingCephalopod, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, Lord of Moons, not my photoshop, pervy Panda, , Wanderer No.96, andoodle11, aleksds1, blazing5in, iRogueIII, oleg2003.06, pieeater66, technodude458, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, 00Zy99, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, FrostyMan122, ChaosMedivalDukemon, Ethan573, Fall2Glory, FlyingCephalopod, LittleStar555, Lord of Moons, Not my photoshop, PervyPanda, He Who Listens, LittleStar555, Reader XV, , andoodle11, bldude, minotaurgames, oleg2003.06, starwars05, technodude458, darkkingmaster, starwars05, The man who inherited madness, and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to GUEST for their review on the last chapter.**

 **Happy belated Valentines day!**

* * *

Chaldea was buzzing at the arrival of it's newest servant, but none was happier that Ozymandias. The Screen outside the summoning room displayed the information of the newest summons as the lights from the inside of the room flickered beneath the door.

 **Summoning successful.**

 **Ruler Class.**

 **Servant - Nefertari.**

The next sound everyone in Chaldea heard was Ozymandias' laughter.

The next week was a case of Ozymandias showing his wife around Chaldea, introducing her to everyone he deemed worthy of her attention, all five of them found Neferati to be delightful company. Those that Ozymandias did not deem worthy of her simply had to make dew with him loudly announcing that his wife was now amongst them and it would have been aggravating if everyone couldn't agree that they had never seen the pharaoh happier.

"Young love." Heroic spirit Emiya sighed, he didn't sound all to sincere in his comment. He was sitting in Marie's Saloon with Cu Chulainn when the couple in question walked by.

"Ah, I think it's sweet." The blue lancer said to the red archer's surprise, "Kind of reminds me of Emer and I."

"Emer?" Emiya asked, taking another sip of his drink.

"My wife." Cu told him.

Droplets of Emiya's drink flew everywhere as he choked on his drink. "Excuse me?"

"Your what?" Asked Drake, who had spun around in her booth behind them. The captain was sitting with Robin and Nero, who were also looking at Cu in shock.

"My wife, I _was_ married back in life." Cu explained, looking a little unsure of why everyone was so shocked.

"Why?" Robin asked exasperatedly.

"I'll have you know Emer was a beautiful and fasciating woman." Cu replied defensively.

"Oh I'm sure," Drake spoke up, "We're trying to figure out what was wrong with her head."

The lancer wrinkled his nose at that remark. Nero, who hadn't spoken yet, squeezed herself betw Drake and Robin, leaning her arms on the back of the booth.

"So tell us more about this wife of your's, what was your favourite part of her?" The emperor asked.

Archer chuckled at Cu's side, "Oh wait, let me guess, her 'personality'."

The Ulster hero tipped his head back and pickeout out a memory from his life...

 _The bandits had invaded his fort, an ambush they hadn't been prepared for, men lay dead on the floor while the battle still raged above them. They were good men, his men, and then the enemy leader took Emer hostage, the bloodied blade he held to her throat stained her golden hair and the hem of her dress. That was the final straw, the hound of Ulster unleashed his warp spasm._

 _Black scales covered his skin and his body erupted into black spikes and red fur as his mind clouded over in a battle frenzy. He charged head first, slamming the blade of his spear into the face of the enemy leader, the man attempted to dodge the attack, releasing his hold on Emer in the process, just enough for her to jump out of the way of her husband. Cu Chulainn slammed the man into the far wall, pinning the gae bolg into the spot just by his head, he began to savagely beat his enemy to a pulp._

 _Behind the man who had become a berserker, Emer pushed herself back onto her feet, she walked forward, searching for her husband among the wreckage, she then spotted him, a manic smile on his face as he pounded his fist into the bandit leaders face, over and over and over._

 _"No, this is wrong," she whispered to herself, "Cu Chulainn!" She screamed out._

 _Even in this monstrous state, Cu would still recognize that voice, he froze his limbs and looked over to the figure of his wife, still standing a ways away, but much closer than most would dare to get when he was like this._

 _"Aim for his throat!" She yelled out to him in instruction. The enemy on the floor who was already struggling to feel anything above his waist groaned in dismay, while the smile on Cu Chulainn's face got even bigger._

... Back in the present a small smirk appeared on lancer's lips, "Yeah," he agreed with Archer, "definitely her personality."

 **XXX**

Later that day Heroic spirit Emiya found himself in a smaller meeting room, occupied by Assassin Kiritsugu, Dress of Heaven, Prisma Illya, Arturia, and Jaguar warrior.

"I asked you all here for a special announcement," Assassin told them once everyone had arrived, taking hold of Dress of Heaven's sleeve clad hand in his own he pulled his hood down so they could all see his face. "Iri- er, Dress of Heaven and I are getting married."

What followed was the expected amount of surprise and congratulations, all throughout it Irisviel wore a radiant smile, embracing her children and friends while Kiritsugu wore an expression of genuine happiness at her side.

"Papa," Illya, floated up to Kiritsugu's eye level, "don't you dare hurt her."

Kiritsugu let out a chuckle and patted Illya's head, "I won't."

Ruby pipped up from Illya's hand, "Don't laugh, she means it."

An admonished look suddenly came over Kiritsugu's face, "I-I won't." He promised.

"Seriously Assassin, don't hurt her." Arturia said seriously, staring him dead in the eye.

"I'm not planning on hurting Iri." Kiritsugu defended, a little put out that he apparently _had_ to.

"You better not be." Archer spoke from the wall he was leaning against.

"I'm not!" Kiritsugu insisted, a look of 'et tu?' in his eyes.

"Hey! Kiritsugu!" Jaguar warrior called out, grabbing his attention, "You best watch yourself." She winked.

"Why do any of you think I would hurt Irisviel? You're my friends too?"

"Eh." Saber shrugged.


	58. de-Vine comedy

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, GideonGoldTheDarkOne, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, OchaKZA, Reader XV, , TheFelRoseOfTerror, Toaneo07 ver2.0, kingpariah, AnimeFan0216, ChaosMedivalDukemon, Fall2Glory, FlyingCephalopod, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, Lord of Moons, not my photoshop, pervy Panda, , Wanderer No.96, andoodle11, aleksds1, blazing5in, iRogueIII, oleg2003.06, pieeater66, technodude458, Ceiros111, FlyingCepholapod, HalfAScribe,TheFelRoseofTerror, TheeSnowWolf, blazing5in, .man, yisusu09yoloq, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, 00Zy99, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, FrostyMan122, ChaosMedivalDukemon, Ethan573, Fall2Glory, FlyingCephalopod, LittleStar555, Lord of Moons, Not my photoshop, PervyPanda, He Who Listens, LittleStar555, Reader XV, , andoodle11, bldude, minotaurgames, oleg2003.06, starwars05, technodude458, darkkingmaster, starwars05, The man who inherited madness, Ceiros111, FlyingCephalopod, HalfAScribe, Not My Photoshop, .man, yisusu09yoloq and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife for their review on the last chapter.**

* * *

"This is, so dumb." Achilles groused.

Circe, who was perched (like the bird she was) on Achilles' shoulders, took no heed of his tone.

"The higher I am, the more I can see." She announced.

"You-" Achilles paused his response to blow the feathers from Circe's cloak out of his face, "you can fly though-"

This time he was cut of by the casters hand flattening against his face, "Hush now Achilles! I am searching."

 **:::**

When word got out that some unforeseen power in the last singularity had reverted all five Cu Chulainn's to their child form, the reations were varried and extreme. The mini Cu's themselves had immediately flocked to the nearest maternal figure, and then when Emiya told them to leave him alone they returned to their teacher.

Considering Scathach could be as scary as Raikou when the need arose, her presence was enough to keep the Mebd's of the world away. But Li Shuwen just _had_ to see this.

He entered her room without knocking. First mistake. "Hey Scathach, have you-" He was then instantly ambushed by five biting, sharp toothed mini Cu's. The scream he let out was a little higher in pitch than he would care to admit. "AHHH! Get yo dog bitch!"

Scathach, who was sitting in her armchair with a good book and a glass of wine, didn't even look up. "He don't bite." He don't bite, she said disinterestedly.

"Yes he do!" Li Shuwen shouted as five sets of fangs broke through his robes and skin.

 **:::**

"And they were roommates." Mata Hari explained as she applied the deep red paint to Ishtar's toe nails. She was telling the goddess one of her many tales of intrigue.

The two servants were sitting on either end of the couch, their feet in each other's laps. Ishtar was painting Mata Hari's nails an orange that matched her dress.

"Oh my god," Ishtar whispered, "they were roomates".

 **:::**

Karna couldn't remember being in a worse situation. His armour had been cracked, his blood was either on the ground or in his mouth, and he was running on fumes as far as his mana levels were concerned.

"Why is this happening?" He choked out, leaning against his lance. He tipped his head back and looked heavenward, "God?! Are you punishing me because my hair is better than your's?"

 **:::**

Artemis crouched close to the ground, her knew camera set to video as it recorded the tiny bear padding away from her, "You've got this Orion, make 'em wait for it..."

Orion halted suddenly in his tracks, then twisted his head around to look right at the camera with his big beautiful eyes.

"Boom!" Artemis cheered. He was going to be a smash once she uploaded this.

* * *

 **Author's note: Hi guys, hope you enjoyed this chapter, just a small request, it can get a little hard to keep track of the new names on the followers and favorites list (thank you for that by the way), so if you decide to follow/favourite, could you please leave a review saying which one, you could even just leave a punctuation mark, but it would help me out.**


	59. This isn't a chapter Or is it!

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, GideonGoldTheDarkOne, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, OchaKZA, Reader XV, , TheFelRoseOfTerror, Toaneo07 ver2.0, kingpariah, AnimeFan0216, ChaosMedivalDukemon, Fall2Glory, FlyingCephalopod, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, Lord of Moons, not my photoshop, pervy Panda, , Wanderer No.96, andoodle11, aleksds1, blazing5in, iRogueIII, oleg2003.06, pieeater66, technodude458, Ceiros111, FlyingCepholapod, HalfAScribe,TheFelRoseofTerror, TheeSnowWolf, blazing5in, .man, yisusu09yoloq, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, 00Zy99, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, FrostyMan122, ChaosMedivalDukemon, Ethan573, Fall2Glory, FlyingCephalopod, LittleStar555, Lord of Moons, Not my photoshop, PervyPanda, He Who Listens, LittleStar555, Reader XV, , andoodle11, bldude, minotaurgames, oleg2003.06, starwars05, technodude458, darkkingmaster, starwars05, The man who inherited madness, Ceiros111, FlyingCephalopod, HalfAScribe, Not My Photoshop, .man, yisusu09yoloq and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife for their review on the last chapter.**

* * *

"It's pathetic. Simply pathetic. You're no different either, Master of Chaldea."

Ritsuka could do nothing but shake and clutch onto the handles of Mash's shield, as Goetia lorded over him.

"Why do you fight? Knowing your life will end. Knowing it has ended. Why do you cling to life, when you know that your future holds no salvation? You are so young, human. You, Ritsuka Fujimaru, are humanity's final Master. And this is my one warning to you. Know that giving up on everything here is the easiest way for you to live. Burn, and leave not even ash. That is your future."

At those words, Ritsuka's shaking stopped, he raised his sweat stained face to look up at the demon god. His eyes, which had been whirling with emotion a moment ago, were now stony and focused on the being in front of him.

"Is that what you think?" He asked, using his little remaining strength to foist Mash's shield into an upright position, and pulling himself to his feet, never once taking his eyes off Goetia.

"You think that this is enough to make me give in?!" He shouted out. "You think- what- that you scare me?" He used the shield as a crutch, jaggedly moving the two of them closer. "You think that _this_ is enough to make me despair?!"

Ritsuka's voice was strained now, manic laughter fighting with the words to get out of his throat. "This is nothing compared to the things I've seen! I was there the day Kintoki forgot to get Raikou a mother's day present, I've seen the face of doom Goetia-"

A cruel, crazed laugh did slip past Ritsuka's lips a this point. "-and you don't have her smile."

* * *

 **Is this a mother's day chapter? Or is it an April fool's chapter?**

 **Voice in the distance: It's late to be either of those!**

 **What are you the cops?**


	60. Story Time with Shakespeare

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

 **Thanks to 111 segasonic, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, Boom1011, CombustibleHamster, Dark Vulpine, Demon Raily, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, Ilaw, Jubzy650, KV1789, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, LORDCOMMADERORION, Lancelot Du Loc, Lehw, LookItsADoogy, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Ms. AtomicBomb, Oschade, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, StoryReiter, VampchippzRisesAgain, thedizzleman, Raikaz1210, RhysGlide, Rotciv557, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Savagekidd, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Severa035, Silly-Scare-Crow, The man who inherited madness, Thunderkitty09, TiorVanRask, Tomster627, TotallyNotKyle, UCCMaster, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, XR3827, Yogwind, ajpa, thedizzleman, skfju, Worldbringer of Joseun, rc48177, rstbm, njhnaruto, prismprison, ktorr16, kazuaKisama, BlunterBoat, CrazyLich79, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. , Katzu4747, kagemoto, jelkojunpei, james2031, freechimchangas, finalsword xv, CrimsonCaliber, DimensionRider, EggMcLegg, monte1274, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734,OchaKZA, jerrythej3rk, haloutraforgefanatic01, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, GideonGoldTheDarkOne, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, OchaKZA, Reader XV, , TheFelRoseOfTerror, Toaneo07 ver2.0, kingpariah, AnimeFan0216, ChaosMedivalDukemon, Fall2Glory, FlyingCephalopod, HD-spartan, Kalez The Dark Storm, Lord of Moons, not my photoshop, pervy Panda, , Wanderer No.96, andoodle11, aleksds1, blazing5in, iRogueIII, oleg2003.06, pieeater66, technodude458, Ceiros111, FlyingCepholapod, HalfAScribe,TheFelRoseofTerror, TheeSnowWolf, blazing5in, .man, yisusu09yoloq, and evilelite99 for following.**

 **Thanks also to Totally Not Kyle, Vinystark, Wolf Strife, jelkojunpei, 00Zy99, GreenTea61335734, haloutraforgefanatic01, section98200, kagemoto, Worldbringer of Joseun, gentlemen genocide machine, finalsword xv, freechimchangas, cricketsnothollow, rc48177, rstbm, ktorr16, kazukisama, katzup4747, skfou, shadowbird852, ALPHIUS, AkatsukinoRuby, AnimeFan0216, Apprentice To Fantasy, BoeJackMan, CombustibleHamster, Coppa-Cola, Dinobot14, DoctorWhotaku, DvmN, Eiskralle1, Fall2Glory, FrostyMan122, Jubzy650, Kairu Kagemori, KisekiMa, Lehw, Luke1987, Master49, Matze96, Neutral247, Primordial Inscriptor Z-09, Raikaz1210, Raikiri's Edge, RhysGlide, Ryu Flemming, S3vEn, Scribe for the Lonely, Server lock, Servera035, Silly-Scare-Crow, Silvey777, The KwingDoctor, StoryReiter, SumGuyOvahDere, VampChipzRisesAgain, BlunterBoat, DigiXBot, GordyGordiant, Infinite8787, S. .Hadraka, DimensionRider, Erit of Eastcris, mikaerusan, AgentZwolf, Thorspants, 00Zy99, ChaosMedevilDukemon, Erda.v122, FrostyMan122, ChaosMedivalDukemon, Ethan573, Fall2Glory, FlyingCephalopod, LittleStar555, Lord of Moons, Not my photoshop, PervyPanda, He Who Listens, LittleStar555, Reader XV, , andoodle11, bldude, minotaurgames, oleg2003.06, starwars05, technodude458, darkkingmaster, starwars05, The man who inherited madness, Ceiros111, FlyingCephalopod, HalfAScribe, Not My Photoshop, .man, yisusu09yoloq and Thunderkitty09 for favouriting.**

 **And special thanks to Wolf Strife, HalfAScribe and Guest for their reviews on the last chapters.**

* * *

Shakespeare unlocking his new ability 'Narrator', everyone agreed was the single worst thing to happen in the history of the world. And yes that included the incineration of humanity.

XXX

Shakespeare leaned against the wall, open book and quill in hand, as he spied Medusa walking in his direction, her long hair swaying with each step.

" _Here she comes, the queen_ ," He began, his new ability allowing him to insert himself into any situation without consequence. " _Able to kill men with a single stare_."

Medusa didn't look at him in response, simply hooked the tip of a single finger underneath her mask as she continued to walk directly past him. "You better watch out hun."

A shiver raked itself across his body, this wasn't right, she shouldn't have been able to see him.

Oh right, Rider class, she's resistant to magic.

XXX

Hippolyta was taking a break from her usual full day work out, by enjoying some quiet time in the library. Until...

" _After months of research she concluded that in 15 years, all men would be extinct._ " Shakespeare's voice came from behind her.

Much like with Medusa, the caster had become invisible to the Amazon, even though his voice seemed to come from everywhere.

Upon hearing what the voice had to say though, Hippolyta curled her hand into a fist and punched the air. "Yes!" She cheered to herself.

XXX

Merlin and Bradamante were walking along the shores of the indoor beach, which with the interference of Merlin's magic, was now covered in snow, in preparation for the coming Christmas season.

" _And it was on this blessed day, that the two proclaimed their love!"_

While Merlin looked around the area in confusion, a brilliant blush spread across Bradamante's face, as happy tears welled up in her eyes.

"Merlin-sama!" She cried out, as she tackled the mage of flowers in a full body hug.

XXX

Nitocris was tending away to her sprites, she thought she was alone.

 _"Little did she know, the mysterious figure creeping up behind her..."_

Worry instantly overtook the pharaoh's features, her purple ears, twitching with anxiety.

She felt a single finger tap against her shoulder, and she let out a brief shriek in response as she spun around to face her assailant. Only to come face to face with Ozymandias. Luckily he found the whole thing funny.

XXX

 _"It was common law that a flower be presented to the loveliest lass in the land."_

Elizabeth Bathory didn't seem that shocked by a rose materializing out of thin air (then again that was probably one of the less strange things that could happen around here). But it's appearance along with the accompanying words, caused her eyes to sparkle and her lips to form a genuine smile.

She reached for the flower with her pink clawed hands. Only to have it snatched away by the person she hadn't seen coming up behind her.

"And of course that's me." Carmilla said,bringing the rose up to her nose as she walked away, paying no heed to the upset lizard girl she left in her wake.

XXX

Ozymadias, Gilgamesh and Napoleon were walking down the hallway, when they heard a voice.

 _"One of these men forgot to check their flies."_

Without really thinking about it, all three servants looked downwards.

 _"That man was me, these three were fine."_

The three heads shot back up, menacingly scanning the area around them, ready to impale the source of such insolence.

XXX

Okita and Nobu were debating the cons and merits of Nobu trading in her signature hat for a santa version of it for the holiday season, when-

 _"To test if their love was true, she decided to use her_ scary _face."_

Nobu's face sterned as she fixed the bloned with a red eyed glare. Okita giggled at the sight, leaning forward to give the other girl a quick kiss. Nobu's 'scary face' melted immediately.

XXX

Cu Chulainn had been doing his usual laps around the race track. After he felt a healthy amount of sweat on his skin, he headed over to the near by fountain to dunk his head under the cool water before heading out for another couple laps.

He dunked his head under for ten seconds, before pulling out again, the sudden cold against his warm skin sent a pleasent shock through his system, still bent forward, he wiped the droplets from his eyes and combed his now wet hair out of his face, when-

 _"It was clear that a romance was blossoming between them."_

Cu Chulainn squinted, he hadn't noticed anyone nearby. When he looked up to see who was speaking, his eyes only caught glimpses of pink hair, a tiara, white lace, before his fight or flight instincts took over.

"No!" He bellowed out, before taking off in the opposite direction.

Medb gave chase, but not before throwing Shakespeare a thumbs up over her shoulder.

 _"A romance lasting a life time!"_

XXX

Arturia was enjoying her mid day snack in the cafeteria, when-

 _"She ripped into the bagel ravenously, as if tearing into the carcass of a dead gazelle."_

The king of knights felt her cheeks heat up, halting her chwing of the bread in her mouth to look around her.

XXX

Xuanzang stood in front of the drinks machine, deliberating on what she should get when-

 _"She heard that a punch would release a free drink."_

The monk perked up as if an idea had gone off her her head, with one decisive strike, she nailed the centre of the machine with the palm of her hand. It skidded backwards, leaving a crack in the wall, and a huge indent in it's surface around where she had struck it. A whisp of smoke rose from somewhere on the maligned appliance.

 _"She heard wrong."_

XXX

The knights of the round table were all sitting around a table, playing cards, when-

 _"In every group of friends, there's the dumb one."_

In answer to the unasked question, Lancelot, Tristain and Gawain simultaneously raised their hands and pointed at Mordred.

"Really?!" The Saber of Red yowled.

XXX

 _"The young man sat there, drinking his grape juice."_

Unlike the others who'd had the misfortune of these visitations, Hans Christian Anderson recognised the voice and ability, and was instantly on his feet.

"Leave me alone! Leave me alone!" He waved his arm around, finger pointed accusingly as he ran out of the room.

Shakespeare just laughed, until he noticed the other Caster breaking into a full run. _"I am a god Anderson!"_ He bellowed out, _"You will bend to my will!"_

XXX

A week later, Hans unlocked a new ability of his own. 'Story Time'.

XXX

 _"How does it feel for the narrator to become the narrated!"_ The blue haired caster yelled in Shakespeare's ear.

The playwright flinched at the sudden onslaught of his ears. The others around him had heard nothing and looked at him strangely.

"Kind of awkward." Shakespeare chuckled.

* * *

 **A.N.- ... I need to stop writing these things when I'm tired.**


	61. French Girls

**I do not own the Fate series or any of its character.**

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Nursery Rhyme may not have been a writer per say, but she was a literary spirit trapped in a child like body. Hans could relate, so when the caster had first been summoned he'd offered to show the girl around, Shakespeare had tagged along too, Hans would have hardly said the two of them were friends, but until Dickens or Austen showed up (a man can dream), the dramatist would have to suffice.

Hans' tours were unlike ones you would have received from other servants, he did not drag Nursery Rhyme around the building, pointing to rooms and explaining what they were obviously for. Instead the group of three sat on the balcony outside, watching others make merry on the snowy slopes, and occasionally Hans would point out to her the people worth knowing, more often her warned her against those she should avoid, and Shakespeare filled in the rest of the time with his usual prattle.

Nursery rhyme's eyes widened, and she pointed a gloved finger below them, "Who are they?"

Hans followed the line of her finger and spotted the three figures emerging from the door. The blue haired servant wrinkled his nose, "The french." He muttered.

"Who are the french?" Nursery further inquired, her eyes glued to the three servants bellow.

"Their European royalty," Shakespeare answered with a flourish, "if Chaldea were a magazine, they would always be on the cover."

"That blonde one there is Bradamante," Hans gestured to the lancer who was currently jumping up and down trying to gain the attention of Charlemagne. "She is one of the dumbest servants you will ever meet, Shakespeare was on a quest with her last week."

"She asked me how to spell orange." Shakespeare whispered to their groups smallest member, earning a giggle from the girl.

"The short one is Jeanne D'Arc." Hans continued, bellow them the ruler in question was pelted in the face with a snowball by her alter self. "Not technically royalty, but she's a saint so- close enough. She knows everything about everyone."

"Thant's why her braids so long, it's full of secrets." Shakespeare warned.

And then the final member of the trio came into sight, unlike the others she did not walk but was literally carried in. "And decadence takes a human form in Marie Antoinette."

The silver haired rider in question was set down of the ground by her human palanquin, she shot the group of men a dazzling smile, blowing them a kiss before going over to her friends.

"Now don't be fooled," Hans instructed, "because she may look like your typical air-headed, self-entitled, egotistical ditz. But in reality she is so much more."

"She'd the queen bee! The star!" Shakespeare declared, "the other two are just her little workers."

"Marie Antoinette, how do I even begin to explain Marie Antoinette." Hans muttered.

Nursery Rhyme fixed her purple gaze on the French queen, since Hans wasn't able to explain Marie Antoinette, she decided to seek out someone who could.

XXX

According to Motzart; "Marie Antoinette is flawless!" He exclaimed with an adoring smile.

XXX

"She has two channel dresses, and a crystal pony." Said Medea Lily.

XXX

Mordred said that her silver hair was insured for ten thousand dollars.

XXX

Down by the smoking pits (which she was quickly shooed away from), Edmond Dantes let Nursery in on the rumor that Marie did car commercials, in Japan.

XXX

Chavillier d'eon, who actually knew Marie, told Nursery that her favourite movie was something called 'Varsity Blues'.

XXX

According to Elizabeth and Kiyohime, Marie had once met Georgios on a quest and the saint had told her she was pretty.

XXX

And then there was Charles-Henri Sanson. "She punched me in the face once." He confided, then a dreamy look overcame his face. "It was awesome."


End file.
